The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus

April 6, 2008

432

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonbirch @ 12:57 am

a helpful note (i hope) to international asbo visitors… DIY is an abbreviation for ‘do-it-yourself’… we have DIY shops in britain which sell everything from wood to wallpaper, nails and screws to light bulbs etc… :-)

68 Comments »

  1. Wonder if this code will work…

    If not the link is to here.

    Comment by Robb — April 6, 2008 @ 1:02 am

  2. funnily enough… i’ve got designs sorted for my own asbojesus healing kit… kind of gift type product. on that topic, i’ll be putting up designs for stuff soon for readers to vote on and i’ll see if i can get some gift stuff rolling… tee’s, badges, gift ideas (like the one mentioned), beanies, etc… :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 6, 2008 @ 1:30 am

  3. 1. Forgot the goatee.
    2. Here’s where you can check to see if you are emergent: http://www.challies.com/archives/articles/quotes/you-might-be-emergent-if.php

    What does ASBO mean??

    Comment by Longing for Holiday — April 6, 2008 @ 2:37 am

  4. ASBO = Anti-Social Behaviour Order, a legal order against anti-social behaviour whose practice is unique to the UK (that is, the order AND the anti-social behaviour).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Social_Behaviour_Order

    Don’t apologise for being English or using phrases/expressions unique to the UK. If anyone comes along and says “HAHA YOUR WEIERD YOU USE EXPRESIONNNNS TAHT MY CULTURE DOSNT USE LOL” then they deserve to be told to bugger off.

    Comment by One Salient Oversight — April 6, 2008 @ 3:46 am

  5. am sure there should be pebble in this collection….? is the ‘apple’ a sign of the old covenant Jon!!?? still up with that blasted cold - all cyber sympathy welcomed! dave

    PS - worship = living/sacrifice

    Comment by Dave — April 6, 2008 @ 4:08 am

  6. crap i dont have a mac, now how will i reach the lost?

    Comment by ben — April 6, 2008 @ 5:31 am

  7. Not for nothing, but you forgot a copy of the scripture. That can be difficult to remember when satirizing one outside the ‘mainline’

    haha!

    Comment by shawn — April 6, 2008 @ 5:45 am

  8. This saddens me so much. Why oh why is the church so fickle. Why are we so ready to jump onto bandwagons. What is so wrong with the Good News that it needs to be wrapped up in such cheesy stuff….”Oh look! I can be post modern too”. Makes us look like muppets.

    Comment by steve — April 6, 2008 @ 6:26 am

  9. Grrr

    Comment by steve — April 6, 2008 @ 6:26 am

  10. what happens if we are not actually trying to be post modern but are simply being who we are in a new community?

    [4] what a typically British saying “bugger off”…love it :-)

    Comment by marcus — April 6, 2008 @ 7:07 am

  11. This is funny, as is the link at #3.
    I haven’t a clue if I’m emergent or not. I’ve had moments when I wanted by seen so (for approval!) I’ve also had years in the past trying to prove I was a bona fide conservative evangelical even though I was a female minister which maybe ruled me out.
    Now? I truly truly don’t CARE what label folk choose to give me! And I don’t care about labelling others either. What liberation! :D

    Comment by AnneDroid — April 6, 2008 @ 7:39 am

  12. That made me laugh- but also intrigued me at the comments so far. I’ve been involved in emerging/ alt/ fresh expression of church- whatever daft label people put on it, for years. When a close friend who is part of our community moved to kuwait for work, i put together a little “sanctuary’ pack for her. When she is Kuwait ( and now Bahrain) she can not find a way of worshipping which for her is authentic, meaningful etc- so she has her little pack of tools to aid her, if she wants it. There is no mac or projector in it! but there is a candle, some bubbles, incense, tiny icon, a shell, beads. This is not jumping on a band wagon, this was reminding her of people who loved her at home, it was encouraging her to seek God and express herself to God though ways that worked for her.

    Comment by soniamain — April 6, 2008 @ 9:06 am

  13. #8 steve “Why oh why is the church so fickle. Why are we so ready to jump onto bandwagons, etc”

    Why does God use imperfect, lazy, crazy people?

    What other kind is there?

    I hope that doesn’t sound condescending, it certainly is not meant to be - for yes, I agree it’s sad, but God is able to use our even halfway perfect stumbling efforts.

    Happily!!

    Comment by Chris F — April 6, 2008 @ 10:05 am

  14. re 11 - hi Anne - friend of mine (Mike Riddell) used to use the label ‘post Christian’ for himself as it always led to a discussion re what he meant by the term - he then listed all the kinds of Christian he wasn’t!! I quite like this as words can say so much more than we mean - but shared in conversation and contextual relationship it seems more honest.. apologetics rule! dave

    Comment by Dave — April 6, 2008 @ 10:08 am

  15. 3. Agreed - there needs to be some kind of a goatee trimmer. The one point of disagreement I’d have re: the emergent description is “you say you support women at all levels of ministry but your gatherings are still 95% male.”

    7. Actually I think it’s very telling that the Bible isn’t included - go to major Emergent Church (TM) sites and you will see theologians and philosophers quoted but not the bible. I am NOT saying they are anti-Bible just that they tend to quote people other than Jesus to make their point.

    13. The point of the candles is that what you find here in the States is that all too often what you find is that instead of finding worship that is indigenous to that culture, people uplug the praise band (but the music is still pretty bad), light some candles, sit on sofas or pillows instead of pews, and have a group chat in lieu of a sermon and call that emerging church.

    Comment by becky — April 6, 2008 @ 10:30 am

  16. Is this what happens when you use the Mac Book rather than the Good Book? (especially for #6) :-)

    Comment by slowburn — April 6, 2008 @ 10:35 am

  17. cyber sympathies dave. get well soon! btw. did a cartoon yesterday on the very topic you raise re. mike riddell. :-)

    actually, i have a great deal of respect for much of what in the uk is labelled as ‘emerging church.’ however, even though i am a one of the founders of sanctuary in bath, i no longer go. this is more to do with me than sanctuary… i have the utmost respect for those who go and especially those who take responsibility for it. there’s nothing fickle about it… go to the blog in the sidebar if you don’t believe me. however, i struggle with emergent church as much as any other… it has some issues which are the same as your regular church and some which are different. within sanctuary, the issue of no women in leadership is not an issue… it is run by women and men, and the women are a very strong part of why it happens. in fact if it weren’t for the women it would not exist. i believe this to be unusual though… as i see the stereotypes play out in the emerging environment as much as i do in any other organised church.
    the emerging scene in the states seems very different to the one in the uk, although i’m no expert… the rest of the world i’m not sure about.

    Comment by jonbirch — April 6, 2008 @ 2:51 pm

  18. Hi Folks, good to read your comments, just wanted to affirm some of the power of what Sonia say, for me being involved in thinking about worship has had a powerful effect on developing my faith, i.e. instead of just learning about, I can also talk about what I value.

    the acid test for me, is would my friends feel welcome here, whats the point of going to a church if the theology and delivery is up to the minute, but the language is so exclusive that a non-christian would never ever feel welcome? (or as a woman, if the aesthetic quality is world class, but the boys rule ok.)

    Comment by su — April 6, 2008 @ 5:09 pm

  19. I am one of those women involved in the leadership at sanctuary! that Jon refers to, but like him I share his questions and frustrations about church, including sanctuary, there are issues we have to deal with, like any other organisation/ group. But what is a pleasure is feeling that I can question, debate, diasagree with ideas, thoughts and most of all experiment all within the safe context of a community. That is something I never found in church, I know many do- but I didn’t

    Comment by soniamain — April 6, 2008 @ 5:24 pm

  20. ‘I can question, debate, disagree with ideas, thoughts and most of all experiment all within the safe context of a community.’ yeh, that’s a good thing. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 6, 2008 @ 6:19 pm

  21. I am not emergent so probably not qualified to comment (not nearly cool enough!). I’m attracted by aspects of it. But as soon as someone does something a bit different, someone else has to write a book, run a conference and generally pin down and kill the beautiful free thing that it once was and sell it as a package. There is a danger of just creating a new tribe which will become just as dull as the old tribes. Our man Robb wrote an interesting post on his blog which got me thinking on this.

    I’ve never met any of the Sanctuary peeps, but I do like their openness to debate/discussion on their blog. I have yet to discover whether goatees are compulsory. :lol:

    Comment by Carole — April 6, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

  22. John - You should also add (at least here in the US):

    1. A Reusable coffee mug with a fair trade logo on it.

    2. An earring

    3. A home manicure/pedicure kit.

    3. Unisex cologne

    Comment by becky — April 6, 2008 @ 6:52 pm

  23. selling stuff as package will certainly kill a beautiful thing- so agree with that. No goatees aren’t compulsory!- not yet anyway :)

    Comment by soniamain — April 6, 2008 @ 8:02 pm

  24. Becky, does it count if you pierce things other than your ear? Does that negate my 10 earrings? :lol:

    Comment by Robb — April 6, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

  25. Carole - thanks for your kind words. I’ve never been interesting before ;)

    Comment by Robb — April 6, 2008 @ 8:35 pm

  26. despite all the gadget hugging and goatee clubism, and my irritations with unbridled posing in general, I still think the big problem is the mainstream churches entrenched mono-view - leaving out odd tastes for Macs and goatee’s, male control is widely celebrated, bullying is ignored and many people are excommunicated prior to showing any interest, in some established churches, so if you can manage to sit on the floor, why not go emergent? I think churches in general need fun loving people, who enjoy meeting up, and can encourage and support each other, my biggest grip is the elevation of dodgy ‘chill’ beats, which leave an oppressive air of ‘don’t even think about wigglin’ yr ass, this is hi brow art.’ - but then I’d have to try to sit still and look interested through the long preach ……

    Comment by subo — April 6, 2008 @ 10:19 pm

  27. carole… you are cool, very cool. people who think they’re cool never are… you definitely are. :-)

    becky… great list. i didn’t know unisex cologne existed. :-)

    yup, sonia and carole… selling religion packaged is death. :-(

    robb… 10 earrings! i have the obligatory 1. how big are your ears!? :-)

    subo… sometimes the way you express yourself is a pure joy to read. interesting thoughts too esp. re. male control and bullying. :-)

    btw. carole. greenbelt this year you’ll meet many of the sanctuary brigade inc. sonia. you’ll get on a treat. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 6, 2008 @ 10:59 pm

  28. You need to find new and interesing parts of the ear… and then move on to other parts…. :lol:

    Comment by Robb — April 6, 2008 @ 11:47 pm

  29. 23. Here in the US a goatee or some semblance of fuzz is required. :-)

    24. The US Emergent Church guys I met tend to have one ear pierced max - no other facial piercings visible - I’d be shocked if they did the navel or nipples. And my hunch is there’s not enough below to warrant piercing. :-) :-)

    27. Jon you are not the type of metrosexual guy that is the targeted market for Unisex cologne.

    Comment by becky — April 7, 2008 @ 12:31 am

  30. I just took sooooo many blurred and unfocussed shots of my ears. Oh well. Maybe after some sleep (and work)…. :lol:

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 12:36 am

  31. kind of like…

    .
    .

    .

    .
    .
    .
    .

    ish ;)

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 12:37 am

  32. damn the stupid wordpress like of spaces!! Imagine a nice curve :D

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 12:38 am

  33. so where are the other piercings then robb? :-)

    hey becky… i have the goaty and the single piercing but i don’t think any cologne is targeted at me. cologne never enters my thoughts. i use deoderant which i quite like the smell of but it’s just ’sure for men’ bog standard stuff. i do get the odd fuse wire nasal hair, but one good tug and it’s gone… i wet shave and i use shower gel for that because i see no point in buying another specific product when that works just fine. are most men like me, or do most men put more into their beauty treatments? :-) COME ON MEN, TIME TO FESS UP… WHAT BEAUTY PRODUCTS CAN YOU SIMPLY NOT LIVE WITHOUT?

    Comment by jonbirch — April 7, 2008 @ 12:57 am

  34. If cologne never enters you’re thought then you’re not Emergent Church (TM). :D

    A real emergent (TM) guy would use nose hair clippers. The fuzz I am referencing is from a guy who ‘tries’ to grow a goatee but can’t.

    Comment by becky — April 7, 2008 @ 1:20 am

  35. hahahahaha! :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 7, 2008 @ 1:55 am

  36. I’m so embarrassed. I had to look up “emergent church” on wikipedia.

    Comment by Lori — April 7, 2008 @ 2:53 am

  37. Are we taking bets on Robb’s piercings? I’ll put a fiver on the nose (literally) and 50p each way on one nipple and a Prince Albert.

    Emergent nose hair - that would be a good topic for a cartoon - the rise of the iNosehairclipper. What do emergent women do for emergent chin hair? If thy chin hair offendeth, pluck it out! Or train it into an embryonic goatee? I suppose you only allowed to emerge up to a certain age. What was that film where you were bumped off at 30? Logan’s Run, was it?

    Comment by Carole — April 7, 2008 @ 8:51 am

  38. equal measures laughing and groaning with this one Jon… it’s fun to poke fun at ourselves not so much when the stereotypes come rushing back at us from outside… they always come devoid of their story and meaning (eg. macs, as some will know a lot of emerging churhces/communities came out of alt.worship where there was a high focus on making/using our own music/graphics/video etc. for worship hence people started using the industry standard computers for making these things… the phenomenon grew from there… and in this case it seems what you leave out is given as much significance as what you have put in… e.g. I know that the Bible has a central role/place in all the communities I connect with… just cos it’s not in this cartoon doesn’t mean that we have all abandoned it…quite the opposite, though many may read it differently to the systematic, literal, proof texting norm in other strains of christianity ;)

    Incidentally… the goatee thing is def. not a UK phenomena, I can opnly thing of two people in my networks who have soul patch/goatee things going on… and Jon is one of them!

    Some of the things I would include which are not there… Rublov’s Icon, Food and drink, A Cup and Plate (bread and wine) and a copy of Bosch!

    Comment by Mark Berry — April 7, 2008 @ 10:54 am

  39. I guess ASBO Jesus owes Carole £5.50 :lol:

    This was pretty much the concern of my recent blog of formulaism (new word alert) within alt. worship.

    I don’t think I have ever actually met someone with a soul patch (I assume this is a bottom lip toupe). Of course the most famous soul patch belongs to Jack Black. I’m not sure he counts as emergent. Perhaps submergent :lol:

    Oh no, I have a copy of Rublev’s icon, a chalice and paten and food and drink (half eaten cold pizza) in the front room. I have read Bosch (bish bash bosh).

    Aaaaaaaargh, I’m a cliche.

    On a serious note. I don’t use cologne. I have when I was a teenager and saw it as a mark of being old enough to shave. Does once wearing Old Spice count?

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 11:33 am

  40. 38. Mark - The items you mentioned would work in a UK-US Anglican context but those aren’t the items one is likely to find in a postevangelical US emergent church environment.

    Re: soul patch - where I see a preponderance of soul patches tends to be at events where everyone is trying to act like a holy hipster. I didn’t see this vibe or a lot of soul patches at Soularize 2007 or Greenbelt UK - so there are patch free places. (37-Carole these guys tend to be over 30 - some are 40+. But they still try to capture that youthful vibe even though they’re at that age where it starts to look silly at best.)

    I am not anti-soul patch - Jon’s soul patch works for him and it’s clear he wars it because he likes it not because it’s cool - same thing with the items in the emergency kit - except for the book on how to be a cool postmodern dude, the items contained therein aren’t evil or bad but it’s how they’re used. Are you expressing yourself using those tools that work for you or are you simply doing what’s cool? (Now we’re getting into a much earlier cartoon Jon did on lemming-like behavior.)

    Did anyone see Dave Walker’s cartoon on this - here it is http://www.cartoonchurch.com/blog/2006/07/11/my-emerging-church-credentials/

    Comment by becky — April 7, 2008 @ 3:04 pm

  41. I love his definition of EC as “ople who are going about being ‘the church’ in a bit of a different way to the way that most people are going about it” - directly underneath a cartoon of clones! :lol:

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 3:58 pm

  42. I just love Dave Walker’s cartoons. They are so tuned-in and yet just a bit off-the-wall. Exactly like Jon’s but completely different!

    Thanks Robb and Becky for sorting out the ’soul patch’ thing. So, let me get it straight, it’s that bit of stray fuzz directly underneath the centre of the bottom lip which looks as if the bloke has missed a bit when shaving? I did wonder if it was some sort of an elastoplast, worn discreetly to ensure you receive all the ’soul’ you need in controlled doses. Ah well, you live and learn! :)

    Comment by Carole — April 7, 2008 @ 4:34 pm

  43. Jon’s soul patch looks well groomed - the fuzzy ones are when the guys either aren’t into grooming or can’t grow facial hair.

    Comment by becky — April 7, 2008 @ 4:48 pm

  44. Becky, you have a big thing about facial hair. Do you have fuzz envy? :lol:

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 5:04 pm

  45. Beauty products? well, i have long hair so that takes more work than most, I enjoyed having it really short… little to know effort but my wife likes it long. come tho think of it, since I got marrried I’ve used FAR mor beauty products than I ever would have in my batchelor days!

    As for emergent stuff. As with any other strand of our faith do we have to be so quick to make sweeping judgements based on a few stereotypes? I’m not saying there aren’t all sorts of wierdoes and misguided personalities withing the emerging church movement but is any other starnd or thread of Christianity immune to abuses? At it’s worst, the movement is everything it’s been accused of being, at it’s best it’s an exciting new frontier in our faith which has had an extraordinary impact on the lives of many who had given Christiany up as dead, irrelevant and archaic.

    Comment by Tom C — April 7, 2008 @ 5:32 pm

  46. becky (43) that’d be me when I’m on holiday! too lazy to shave every day but my facial hair grows annoyingly patchy!

    Comment by Tom C — April 7, 2008 @ 5:36 pm

  47. Robb, are you old enough to remember Old Spice?

    To be honest, I like a man to smell nice. I don’t like the overpowering smell that acts like paint stripper on the back of my nostrils, but if it has a spicy/woody base note that I can smell with my ovaries, I’m happy… :lol:

    Comment by Carole — April 7, 2008 @ 5:43 pm

  48. I can smell with my ovaries :lol: !!

    are you old enough to remember Old Spice

    My grandad used to wear it. I have a vague recollection somewhere in the primitive part of my cerebrum of a giant wave and the music from The Omen.

    Comment by Robb — April 7, 2008 @ 5:46 pm

  49. Speaking figuratively, of course ;)

    Comment by Carole — April 7, 2008 @ 5:58 pm

  50. 43. The only time I wish I was a dude is when I go fly-fishing cause taking a whiz in the woods if you’re a chick is a pain in the hiney. I harp on the goatee because select emergent groups claim to be inclusive but when you go to the groups it’s 95% white males who are a walking billboard for the stereotypes we’ve been parodying here. This bit of fluff represents the ONE item that a woman cannot don (as much as I want to be like Jesus, I draw the line at getting hormone shots.)

    This reminds me when I saw a group of “Anarchists Unite!” marching together - they all wanted so badly to be different yet they were all wearing ripped black clothing and multiple silver piercings.

    45. Tom - agreed - again the Q is are you using items because they are indigenous to your culture or are you trying to be cool?

    Comment by becky — April 7, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

  51. apologies Jon, for my blunt tongue, (re. male control and bullying.) I guess I just feel there’s an assumption within trad church, that theirs is the model everyone else is deviating from, when I feel I’ve witnessed a fair bit of deviant behaviour from the conventional pulpit. I do like to reflect on the way the nature of my faith works out in the shape of the communities I’m prepared to give time to - not that I think we’ve cracked it, but I do think there’s sufficient reflectivity to allow good things to happen.

    Comment by subo — April 7, 2008 @ 6:10 pm

  52. Lori, I love that “looked up “emergent church” on wikipedia.”, and would love to know what they said, to be honest the title ‘emergent church’ is somewhat yuccy

    Comment by subo — April 7, 2008 @ 6:13 pm

  53. There’s a channel in the US called DIY. *nods*

    What’s the thingie in the top-left corner supposed to be? I can’t quite place it. (The white thingie with the black stopper.)

    Comment by shelly — April 7, 2008 @ 7:33 pm

  54. The ‘white thingie with the black stopper’ is, I think, a digital video projector.

    Comment by Carole — April 7, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

  55. hi shelly… it’s a projector… (badly drawn)… :-)

    mark berry. of course you’re right. thanks for laughing and groaning and not just groaning. i think probably the same could be said for all the cartoons. they often lack context… these days it is definitely the comments which say more than my pictures. btw… not only do i sport a goaty but i have copious macs, for all the reasons you say. + i have many icons. :-)

    subo… no apologies needed. it was a great comment. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 8, 2008 @ 10:51 am

  56. hi carole… you got there first! :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 8, 2008 @ 10:52 am

  57. i think probably the same could be said for all the cartoons. they often lack context… these days it is definitely the comments which say more than my pictures.

    Jon, I must protest!!! I almost detected a hint of a lily-livered apologetic tone in there somewhere. If you overdid the context, what you would have is a ’safe’ picture book. All very nice but sterile. What we have here is an interactive discussion tool. This is your art - own it, love it, make no apologies for it!!!! :)

    (protest over)

    Comment by Carole — April 8, 2008 @ 12:06 pm

  58. carole… protest logged and appreciated. i don’t remember apologising though. :-)
    ‘lily-livered?’… ‘lily-livered?’… i’m sulking now. :-)

    let me be clear. they are cartoons and i make NO APOLOGY for the lack of context. that’s for discussion if people wish to take it up. i am HAPPY TO BE PROVOCATIVE and i make NO APOLOGY for that either.

    there you go carole… x :-) :-) :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 8, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

  59. “Laughing and groaning” You guys crack me up.

    Well the old stick-in-the-mud retiree that bumps around these sites at times has found you.

    Your ‘facial hair’ comments reminded me of my Amish days. Amish young men shave their facial hair until the day they get married. I had this buddy whose genes prevented chin whiskers from growing. When he got married, he could only produce five (Five! I counted them.) individual hair on his chin. The church would not let him shave/pluck them. JJB

    Comment by Jonas Borntreger — April 8, 2008 @ 1:48 pm

  60. Nah, I know you’re not lily-livered, I just felt like using a bit of alliteration. It was only the tiniest hint of a tone that I almost detected, but just in case…no sulkies, now ;)

    Jonas, hi there, great story! Poor guy!

    Comment by Carole — April 8, 2008 @ 3:00 pm

  61. hi jonas… five hairs!?… bless… :-) very harsh to make him keep them i reckon. what is the reasoning behind the amish and beards?

    actually carole… in truth… i didn’t sulk at all, but your post did make me grin for at least 5 minutes from ear to ear. :-) i think you’ve probably got me sussed completely… hahaha!

    Comment by jonbirch — April 8, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

  62. 61. Not sure how accurate this is but this made me laugh http://birdinhandnews.com/Beards.html

    Comment by becky — April 8, 2008 @ 4:31 pm

  63. that’s a very funny article indeed. i wonder what the truth is. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 8, 2008 @ 5:07 pm

  64. Oh, whooa, i’ve just looked at that and realised I’m in an emergent church! When did that happen? How scary is that?

    Comment by Liz — April 8, 2008 @ 9:22 pm

  65. It must have emerged on the sly, when you weren’t looking, Liz :)

    Comment by Carole — April 8, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

  66. I meant to post this comment closer to the time:

    A _white_ MacBook? :o Surely nay. Black for the win

    Comment by John Ferguson — April 14, 2008 @ 7:52 pm

  67. black macbook… can’t get my head around it. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 14, 2008 @ 11:40 pm

  68. [...] ASBO Jesus cartoons found here. [...]

    Pingback by How To Be A Cool Postmodern Dude - I guess I came up way short « Sets ‘n’ Service — April 18, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

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