The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus

April 17, 2008

443 & 444

Filed under: Uncategorized — jonbirch @ 12:01 am

i’ve been asked a couple of times now to do a cartoon on this theme. i did these a while ago but cowardice stopped me from posting them. but here they are… i hope they provoke good conversation.

93 Comments »

  1. I teach 13-15yr olds in youth group; it amazes me how many of them know of friends with this problem. They’re overwhelmed (as am I) with what to do about it.

    If only love really did conquer all …

    Comment by A S Hodel — April 17, 2008 @ 12:09 am

  2. I belong closely to this part of society and yet don’t partake. What makes me special?

    Comment by Robb — April 17, 2008 @ 12:33 am

  3. I think we are all self-harmers in different ways. We don’t all physically hurt ourselves (but like the second cartoon, we’d be surprised … or would we… how many do and who does), but most of us have some form of addiction or attachment that causes harm. Somehow we need to learn to accept Christ’s perfection on our behalf and punishment in our place. Then we could stop punishng ourselves. Easier said than done. Glad you posted. Why were you afraid to?

    Comment by Longing for Holiday — April 17, 2008 @ 1:32 am

  4. Jon - in my special fragile state this made me cry! but I love you xxx

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 3:52 am

  5. I used to work in the A&E (ER) and we had one patient that came by regularly who was dealing with this issue. She worked hard to get help and the A&E staff came up with a protocol specifically for her. We all had a plan for what we would do when she showed up. It was tough work for her, but I always admired that she tried to work on it. This cartoon made me think of her.

    I hope that if anyone reading here is doing this, they will go and seek help.

    Comment by Laura — April 17, 2008 @ 4:32 am

  6. I was third from left.

    Comment by botticelliwoman — April 17, 2008 @ 6:50 am

  7. This is me coming out of the closet! Its not something I share often if at all. Being a Youth Worker I come across this a lot and one of my crew from the past was AMAZED to think that Young People of their generation hadn’t invented self harming, They couldn’t believe that I had self harmed. When I told them it had probably been around for a few thousand years or even since time I think they thought I was stupid.

    One thing I did learn from that was never to assume that others SH for the same reasons I did.

    As a kid I was surrounded with good friends and family but I was extremely alone in my own world and the bruises and cuts were very easy to hide, except the ones on my face.

    I don’t want to share too much here but the answer for me was forgiveness.

    Your bravery to post this Jon could be a saviour.

    Comment by dennis coburn — April 17, 2008 @ 6:54 am

  8. hi jon, great cartoons. i agree with all the comments above. it’s very tempting for people, especially christians, to say self harm is WRONG and not take the debate any further, which is not helpful.

    as people point out not only does it work [a bit] it is common, ancient and this [guilt inducing] approach just makes people feel even worse. i also don’t like the secular approach which asks people to find other ways to tolerate the fact that their lives and society feel like they are going no where.

    as a psychiatrist i see a lot of people who self harm in my work. i agree that there are many people who self harm in a less obvious way, but i have to say that in the people i see it is very self destructive - in their eyes as well, and they want to stop. it can also lead to unplanned suicide in some cases.

    how can we address the issue in ways that minimise the guilt and deal with only the problems that need dealing with? i wonder what asbo jesus would have done as i guess if you picked 12 disciples today, a couple of them would have been self harmers.

    love?

    rob

    Comment by rob — April 17, 2008 @ 7:03 am

  9. ps - on a related note it really annoys me when NHS and Statutory services talk about ‘Deliberate Self Harm’ - the term self harm is much better, and some groups prefer self injury.

    this website is one of the most pithy and relevant on the topic,

    http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html

    but [like some postings above] i wold love to see the gospel coming in on this issue. are there any good books/testimonies? there has been a big rise in good material about pornography etc - can we write something about self harm?

    r

    Comment by rob — April 17, 2008 @ 7:10 am

  10. One thing I find really hard is how judgmental people can be - as a teacher I come across a fair few si-ers and I hate the way some other staff talk about the kids in such a negative way.
    I’ve struggled with si for over half of my life, but each day brings its own challenges and a hope for change, and both love and grace have been the key. In some ways I think its like being a drug addict or alcoholic - just taking one day at a time.
    Thanks for this Jon. xxx

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 7:34 am

  11. Well done Jon, this is such a taboo subject- it is so important to acknowledge it happens and try and understand why. Dadube you are so right that people are judgmental, which makes me so sad. My mum has self harmed since she was a teenager, she is now in her late 50’s, and still struggles with this. I am ashamed to say I still feel sick, embarrassed and sometimes cross when I see the scares all over her arms and legs- and yet weirdly I can cope with and hopefully be supportive to friends who struggle with it.

    Comment by soniamain — April 17, 2008 @ 8:06 am

  12. Sonia you are supportive :)
    And its not surprising that you can find it hard when confronted with your mum’s scars - I know people with really bad scars and even though I know what its like to be in their shoes I find it looking too…

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 8:34 am

  13. opps should have said hard looking too
    sorry for typo

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 8:36 am

  14. I guess it’s harder because it’s my mum, and it is such a visible sign of how unhappy she is/ has been. Charlie I have been amazed, and impressed at how you get through this and live with it, you say it is with love and grace. I think it is also with a whole lot of courage and honesty.

    Comment by soniamain — April 17, 2008 @ 9:08 am

  15. I’d buried it but not dealt with it until today. I’ve never spoken to anybody about this, not at the time and not since.
    Can I ask other self-harmers, and those of you who know them, are SH mostly people who seem to be copers too? Seemingly fine on the outside, taking everything in their stride, no matter what’s thrown at them?
    I still sometimes wonder where my feelings are.

    Comment by botticelliwoman — April 17, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

  16. botticelliwoman
    Most of the people I know who self injure are as you’ve described. They have good jobs (or if they’re students are high achieving ones), work hard and come across as very ‘together’ People who know about what I did/do probably wouldn’t say I’m that together, but certainly my family don’t know about my si, so I guess I coped pretty well on an everyday process.
    I don’t know about everyone, but for me it was a real aspect of control…..

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 12:24 pm

  17. Sorry Jon, just noticed I’ve posted more on this one image than every other cartoon put together….I promise to go back to lurking very soon!

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 12:26 pm

  18. i’m honoured dadube that you’d have this conversation here… no apologies necessary. :-)

    i often wondered whether it was an issue of control. excuse my ignorance… but is it like the ultimate distraction? for example, you are feeling wired or upset or anxious and out of control, and the pain or the sting focuses all your brains energy to the infliction you’ve made.. thus allowing all the chemicals and feelings in your body to settle back down again and thus you regain control? i ask this because at times of profound anxiety i’ve pinched myself or flicked myself and it does have the effect of resetting the body’s systems a bit it seems.

    longing for a holiday… i was afraid to post these because i am no expert and i do not want to meddle… if these cartoons are not helpful i’ll remove them immediately. as it happens, from an artistic point of view, the child with the knife is my favourite cartoon to date.
    the lower cartoon comes from reading an article which talked of the massive age range of those who self-harm… from 12 to 65 i gather and both men and women equally if i remember correctly. this went against my preconceptions significantly… i thought it was mainly a young female issue, but apparently there are just as many young males who self-harm as there are females.

    forgive all the questions… but i imagine telling a parent would be really difficult… fear of their disappointment, or judgement, or their failure to understand…is this correct? how do parents respond? i guess over-reaction would be commonplace… i guess it would feed into their own worries and fears.
    is ‘we love you very much’ enough to help, or is this something that needs professional help the instant it is discovered?… what is the wise approach?

    i actually find myself quite emotional writing about this. i would want to make it go away but i know i can’t. i can’t even make my own issues go away.
    much love to all who struggle in this way. and thank you for talking so honestly… don’t feel any pressure to talk here, make sure you really want to before you do.

    i think i’ve asked and said enough… this is high in my thoughts…

    Comment by jonbirch — April 17, 2008 @ 1:15 pm

  19. Struggling with anything like this is extremely hard for anyone, and for Christians there is a whole other level on which we are aware of our actions, which can sometimes make the pressure to get ‘better’ all the more overwhelming. This particular issue aside, I struggle so much with my faith and sometimes feel very lonely, frightened and overwhelmed by it all, but keep plodding on anyway.

    Just wanted to offer my prayer and thoughts to anyone out there feeling the same way. Probably none of you do and I look a bit silly now, but as Jon was brave and put up the cartoons I thought I’d put it out there just in case!

    xxxx

    Comment by Hayley — April 17, 2008 @ 1:27 pm

  20. boticelli woman… you are cool. you made my eyes water, which is the closest i get to crying these days. i too sometimes struggle to find my feelings. i am not hard, i am soft… but it seems my body and mind would rather go in on themselves and choose anxiety and depression over a good cry anyday… it can be infuriating.
    it is an affecting topic… no wonder it took me so long to post the cartoons.

    dennis… thank you friend. i am glad you found a key.

    rob… jesus would have known what to do, wouldn’t he. i feel sadly lacking in that kind of wisdom.

    laura… did your plan help? it is clear you had a lot of respect for your patient.

    Comment by jonbirch — April 17, 2008 @ 1:30 pm

  21. ‘lonely, frightened and overwhelmed’
    hayley, i often feel just like this. thank you for your generous reminder that we struggle together even though we often feel so isolated.

    Comment by jonbirch — April 17, 2008 @ 1:34 pm

  22. Looking back…..I’m not sure you know why you’re doing it at the time….I felt like I was trapped inside a big block of concrete and was screaming to get out. I knew I was hurting in there but my conscious mind seemed to block it out. The only time I felt anything was when I hit the bottle, big style, and that was when I’d SH. So I don’t know if I was punishing myself for allowing the feelings out, or that the feelings were too much to handle. I’m still not great with talking about ‘what lies beneath’ but I’ve found the internet to be great therapy…I can write about what I can’t talk about.

    Comment by botticelliwoman — April 17, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

  23. and by the way Hayley….as far as faith goes…I feel exactly the same way (its like trying to assemble an MFI kitchen without the diagram and most of the screws missing)…bless you for your prayers and honesty x

    Comment by botticelliwoman — April 17, 2008 @ 1:46 pm

  24. You know Jon, I don’t think I’ve answered these kind of questions with you before - strange coz we’ve talked about so many other issues!

    SI is such a hard thing, I can talk about it so easily with others who’ve done it, simply because we just get it….. and normally other people don’t want to know. In essence cutting was two-fold - if I couldn’t feel anything it brought some feeling into my life, and at other times it stopped me going crazy out of my head by giving me a new, physical pain to deal with instead of the things I didn’t want to deal with. Also, the action of actually taking care of the wounds was very clinical and detatched, giving me some kind of purpose. Its a very personal thing and lots of si-ers will say different variations of that.

    I wouldn’t worry about the pictures themselves - I can’t see how they’d be a trigger because of their form (unlike the pictures of suicide that I’ve had to downlaod for the Alevel drama practical next week). Incidently the child and knife cartoon is the first I’ve saved to my desktop too.
    In terms of the second, as far as I’m aware the age range and gender split is about right, although I think young women have traditionally been more open about it, hence the thought that its a young female thing. I don’t know many male si-ers personally, but I know of lots through my si-ing friends. BTW I can point you in the direction of lots more excellent research if you’re interested.

    As for telling my parents, well I never told them I was depressed or that I was on meds for 6 years - you know what I was like! - and I see no point in raking up old ground with the folks now. I guess at the time I felt an intense feeling of shame that I couldn’t cope without si-ing, but also I never wanted to admit that I was a failure. I wanted to achieve highly and people be proud of me, and I perceived my real nature as weak. I always believed I wasn’t good enough and its taken a really long time for that to go away.

    Becoming a teacher was hardest I think, because I started seeing students in the same position, and as a teacher you tread a fine line about what information you can keep and what you tell. I refuse to tell someone not to si - it would be hypocritical of me, plus I know how much someone can need it.

    There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of this. But I know that if I si again I won’t be able to stop - just like an addict. But hey, I’m a work in progress right???
    Thanks for the questions and giving me the space to talk about it. I’ll give you your overdue hug when I’m back in the country :)

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

  25. Thanks for posting these Jon.

    I really think it’s something that as a society we should be less afraid of talking more about… because it really is a huge issue.

    I say that because I’ve actually struggled with it myself, in the past. And out of the few close friends that I’ve chosen to confide in regarding it, about half of them admitted to having had similar experiences themselves. Shocking.

    Comment by Caz — April 17, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

  26. forgive the advert but FYT helped put together a resource pack on self harm for youth workers - if you are interested detail is on http://www.fyt.org.uk/showdetails,print,27.htm - important subject Jon - cheers - dave

    Comment by Dave — April 17, 2008 @ 2:07 pm

  27. Wow. Just Wow.

    I’ll post more in a while, I have meeting now but I had to say something. I’m a Youth Worker. This subject has been so prominent in my heart sine I went to a training seminar last spring. They dealt with a whole bunch of tough topics but this one stuck out to me. I wonderered why since I’d not encountered it at that point, i just had a strong sense that God was telling me, ‘get ready, you’re going to be dealing with this’ Sure enough, It’s been coming to the fore more and more in my youth to the extent I’ve spent the last two weeks researching the whole issue. For you to post this cartoon now is no accident. This is God’s timing. I have no doubt of that.

    Like I said, I’ll say more after my meeting.

    Comment by Tom C — April 17, 2008 @ 2:08 pm

  28. I’ve known ppl who s/i from 8-80 yrs, men and women. In-control high flying professionals, unemployed and drifting ppl. IMHO it hits all levels of society impartialy.

    Comment by gilly — April 17, 2008 @ 2:39 pm

  29. Daudbe, thank you for your honesty, it brought tears to my eyes.
    Hayley and botticelliwoman your not alone in struggling with your faith, having a space where you can be honest and open is important. I don’t believe struggling with faith is a bad thing- what is bad is when we are fearful to ask questions because we are afraid of how others will judge us. Thank you for being brave and saying how you feel. It helps me realise it’s not just me!

    Comment by soniamain — April 17, 2008 @ 2:40 pm

  30. Thanks for this.
    I used to self-harm.
    I was a 19 year old sunday school teacher in a Brethren church when I started.
    I was a 20 something non-church-goer when I stopped.
    To be honest I don’t really remember it now. But I’m 35 and still have a few scars that appear in the summer. Scar tissue doesn’t tan.
    Really sincere warmth and hope to anyone who’s still living in that kind of place inside. :-(

    Comment by allatseawithabucketandspade — April 17, 2008 @ 3:16 pm

  31. Jon, thanks for this, I think your top cartoon is the best explanation - if that’s the right word - of SI I’ve ever seen.

    I started SI-ing when I was 15, and I’ve only ever told one person I know about it, and that was only because I’d thought I may have got an infection. In Christian circles it seems just not to be talked about, or is bluntly treated as something totally wrong with no understanding of the complexities involved. I find it gutting that at 15, and as a commited Christian and keen member of the youth group I didn’t feel able to talk to anyone about it, or the reasons behind it. I hope your cartoon enables someone somewhere to open up.

    Like dadube, I know I’m an addict of sorts, and now 8 years after first si-ing I struggle with it, sometimes every day. But I know that if I start again, I won’t be able to stop. Anyway, I’d with him that the style of the cartoon means it’s not a trigger.

    Comment by maz — April 17, 2008 @ 5:34 pm

  32. eeek - does my picture make me look like a bloke?? Dabube is all girl maz :P

    Comment by dadube — April 17, 2008 @ 5:47 pm

  33. Heavy stuff!

    I know nothing of this particular path but the stories sure are humbling.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Comment by Joe — April 17, 2008 @ 6:50 pm

  34. *hugs*
    thankyou so much :) so so much!
    they’re so good.
    my dads facebook status-message-thing was ‘[name]…….is wondering……’ he reads this, he intoduced me to it, and i wonder if he was wondering anyhting about me.

    you asked someone about telling their parents and took this as an oppertunity to tell you my experiences (it doesn’t even bother me if no-one reads this, but i want to say) well, i never told mine. they found out. must’ve seen the cuts though i tried to hide them, and it was awful. they made me feel like complete s^^^, a freak, like i was a complete disappointment and completely evil for ‘doing this to them when they’d always loved me’. my mum actually said that it was human nature to like withdraw from pain, and to inflict it on myself…well…it sounded like she was saying i wasn’t human. which…hurt. and then she wanted to drag me through councilling and that, which i didn’t need. i was fine most of the time, but sometimes stuff got on top of me. my parents rang the doctor and i was dragged there, though they know that i hate doctors to begin with. there were all thse old people waiting for their flu jabs and then there was me. feeling like a freak, unnoticed by my mum i was scratching and pinching myself to cope with it. heck, when they found out the only thing i wanted to do was cut. anyway, the doctor said really triggering things, told me i was evil for doing this to my parent,s had a look at my cuts to check they weren’t infected (i knew they weren’t, and has she no idea how personal they are?) told me that by self-harming i could hurt myself and that she wanted to see me again. my parents, on the phone, told her about this person in year 7,8&half of year 9 was my friend but evil and manipulative and thought it was cos of her that i cut, so i pretended that it was - it was so much easier - and was told to just forget about it, naturally all this put me off any sort of help, especially when she told me to come back and see her when all i wanted to do is beat her over the head with a stethescope (sp?). anyways, i was positive she’d tell my parents everything, and you know, i obviously couldn’t tell them anyhting to begin with - though they’ve asked and i’ve wondered i don’t know why i just don’t trust them - and they were most of the reao i cut, i could even point out specific ones that were a result of something my dad had said to me, also a lot to do with my self-esteem, or lack thereof. and there was my sister, all perfect and clever and didn’t live on the internet and spent time with my parents and tells them everything (which means i cannot trust her at all either). anyways, i said i’d go to Connexions cos someone comes into my school instead of going to the doctors, and i only made the appointment cos i knew if i didn’t then i would be dragged to see that b^tch of a doctor again. i believe i went twice, on my 3rd appointment i told her i didn’t want to go anymore, i was in the room for about two minutes. anyways, before said third appointment someone at church ntoiced that i looked miserable. someone who was fostering babies and cos i LOVE babies i’d spent some time around her :P but at churhc i have to act, i cannot be myself. everyone knows who i am. my dad’s the minister. it’s awful. it means i have to be this perfect, happy, lively person who loves her parents and follows all 10 commandments everyday and is really close with God, when most my prayers were me screaming and swearing at God. anyway, i went round to said persons house on the pretence of helping look after the baby (well, they have 5 kids so an extra pair of hands would be kinda nice) and i spoke to her and cried mroe than i had in ages (damn, my sister’s in the room now, this means i can’t cry even though i antto) and it helped to see that not all christians are perfect. and then after spending a lot of time on livejournal i discoered many chirsinas who cut and everything. and discoevered TWLOHA, a christian self-harm support thingy based in autralia i believe. anyway, it was from speaking to her i decided that if i were to speak to anyone they;d have to be a christian. but i don’t want ‘help’ cos there’s nothing wrong with me. besides, i’ve not cut for well over three months now, i promised aforementioned baby that i wouldn’t. which may sound odd but i lvoe him and could never break a promise to him cos he’s so beautiful and innocent and i couldn’t do that. so yeah, now here i am, still recovering, slathering cocoa butter everynight trying to make the scars go before we go on holiday to france and spent time on the beaches. and feeling slightly less alone and slightly stronger as time goes on. i don’t believe i’ll ever be able to tlak to ym parent,s and it always makes me wanna cut when they try, for years without ntoicing i’ve pinched and scratched myself to deal with stress. ugh, my sister’s telling me it’s now her turn on the computer. thanks for letting me rant!!

    x

    Comment by Émie — April 17, 2008 @ 7:08 pm

  35. oh, and dad, if you read that, pretend you didn’t :)

    Comment by Émie — April 17, 2008 @ 7:08 pm

  36. aha! now i’m on my dad’s computer which is really the churches computer so i don’t go on it much especially as his office is cold and messy. anyways, i wasn’t done ranting!

    my parents didn’t know anything about selfharm, i think 1 in 7 teenager girls in the UK SH. i could probably name 10 of them without even thinking. a lot of my friends self-harm, they didn’t give me the idea or anyhting, but i guess it become a subconcious coping method, especially as i had technically been self-harming for years, but not cutting. when i first heard about SI i was all ‘i could never do that!’ and all scared and werided out; how could someone hurt themselves?! i guess my mum was like that. she came up to talk to me in that irritating motherly way. and she’s also asked me ‘where god fits in in all this’. He doesn’t. i feel abandoned by him, praying has never once made me feel better and i’m still very distant from Him. you have no idea how often i want to walk up to the front of church, wait for complete silence and then say “i am a recovering selfharmer” i feel like the family secred, the smear and stain on my family. the f^cked up…thing…that’s brought shame. hushhush, don’t tell anyone the ministers daughter cuts. don’t let anyone know the minister isn’t perfect. well, he’s not. and i’m not either. and the minsiters wife isn’t perfect. we’re all human! even me, though my parents seem to forget about my feelings as they go off on thier “how could you do this to us we only ever lvoed you you’re so ungreatful” speils (sp?). yes, i admit i often disregard their feelings, but i’m cutting, i’m upset and alone and don’t knwo how to cope and trying to stay alive, cos it’s not a suicide attempt, it’s a way of coping with life. and i never cut my arms or wrists or anyhting so it could never be taken as that. but even so, i’m the black sheep or whatever it is. in my slightly more extended family of cousins and that i’ve always felt completely the odd one out, i don’t get on with my parents and everyone esle does. it’s like i got all the bad genes anyone in the family was ever loaded with. luckily i discovered my cousin isn’t perfect either, and well…quite a few of my relatives aren’t. but when i first started cutting i knew i wasn’t the only self-harmer in the world, i could see the cuts on my friends arm almost everyday. no, i felt like the only christian self-harmer. and i lvoe that i’m not. i lvoe the figures that show a lot of people cut cos they all make me feel so much better.

    thankyou so so much for posting this, it gave me another chance to rant, which always helps, and it has hopefully made people mroe aware that we’re not just ‘attention seeking emo’s but people that don’t know how else to cope with…stuff. :)

    again, sorry for taking up so much space with my rant :P

    x

    Comment by Émie — April 17, 2008 @ 7:34 pm

  37. WOW Emie I think your amazing!! (in a good way)

    Comment by dennis coburn — April 17, 2008 @ 8:53 pm

  38. *blinks is a surpised way* thanks :)
    but…why? what made you say that?

    Comment by Émie — April 17, 2008 @ 9:02 pm

  39. oh, and i forgot to say (sorry for spamming)

    but if you self-harm don’t let anyone make you feel likea freak, or not worthy of God, or if you know anyone who self-harms, let them know the same.
    *hugs*

    Comment by Émie — April 17, 2008 @ 9:10 pm

  40. Its just in this screwed up weird churchy world it takes real balls to come out like that and tell it like it is and thats pretty rare.

    Comment by dennis coburn — April 17, 2008 @ 9:13 pm

  41. I saw the second of these on a blog and followed the link here… Wow. As someone who still struggles with self harm, and probably always will, they make me sad, but also, hopeful. If people stopped making fun of self harmers, then they might be able to take time and realise why they do it - to cope. Thanks for posting this.

    Comment by Tamara — April 17, 2008 @ 9:24 pm

  42. sorry dadube… It was your comment about male self harmers that threw me!

    Comment by maz — April 17, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

  43. Emie (I agree very much with dennis at #39 by the way - you are amazing and I too am a minister’s daughter… ;) and all who’ve shared on today’s debate, and Jon for posting it, thank you so much for your courage and openness.

    I feel touched to have been part of today, through reading the posts.

    Aren’t human beings amazingly interesting and complicated - notwithstanding even the apparently “weird” things we do?

    Ax

    Comment by AnneDroid — April 17, 2008 @ 10:31 pm

  44. Ummm, Wow.
    The depths at which posters here are willing to share their vulnerabilities - and insight -
    wow. Indisputable confirmation there is Love here.

    Ones who hurt so deeply now risking being so open - for the third time - wow.

    Sometimes there can be such great pain reaching such great depths within one’s heart and soul and spirit that there’s nothing else to do with it - one’s ‘Be-ing’ is in such pain it naturally follows that one’s body should hurt too.

    And now, a small change of tack:
    What’s with this parents’ “how could ‘you’ do this to ‘us’?” business?

    {Not sure it’s the correct word, but that seemed just a tad narcissistic to me.}

    Yeah, I know, as always I’m Wrong Again, you parents are the ones who really matter here: it’s all about you, like always.
    Haul me off to somebody who will “Fix” me (like I’m the blankety-blank car or something) so you will go back to looking good to the neighborhood.
    And the sooner the better, for as long a time as my child is “broken” “I am a failure as a parent!”
    Well, you might be. And you might not be. And, You might even be irrelevant to the cause. So get over yourself, dredge up some Real love and compassion (might want to review what they Are, first) and find out Who your kid Is.
    Then go from there.

    “Go where? What do you mean?”
    Well, sometimes, maybe, if, on the odd chance, you are open and Listen, [I just Knew there was a catch to this!] the kid himself or herself will offer the clue.

    Comment by FSWood — April 17, 2008 @ 10:59 pm

  45. Thanks all for sharing. It makes me sad that people judge folks for this. I, too, felt myself tearing up at the pain that perhaps brought on the SH and the pain that it brings. Oh, for the day when there will be “no more tears.”

    Comment by Longing for Holiday — April 17, 2008 @ 11:23 pm

  46. emie… your frank and open honesty is an inspiration! what a cracking character you are! :-) i am very grateful for your prodding me to put these up… thank you. i had to come face to face with a little of my own insecurity to do it, but am more than grateful for your encouragement to do so and am bowled over by peoples amazing responses. dennis is absolutely right about you. :-)

    thank you everyone who has contributed so far to this discussion. the stories have been moving and thought provoking and the warmth and empathy here has somehow helped me, i sincerely hope others have been helped… at least in knowing there are others. i join with annedroid and et al in saying that it has been a real privilege to read this thread today. i am absolutely bowled over.

    dadube… you’re right, it is amazing we’ve not talked about this before. i guess i reasoned clare and sonia were on the case. i gave myself the role of providing the odd cheap laugh! :-) i’ve always cared… but i think you know that. at least i hope you do!
    ps… i can vouch for the fact that dadube certainly is all woman! :-)
    big love to you and hubby!

    tamara… it is shocking that people mock self harmers… i’d never thought about that until you said it. i guess the flip side of people being amazing and complex is that sometimes they (we) can be truly awful too. bullying sadly happens in all walks of life to anyone who is ‘different’… if only we could grasp the fact that we are all different/unique… not one of us the same… amazing… if only we could treasure one another as we should. thank you for your comment. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 18, 2008 @ 12:22 am

  47. Jon,

    I’ve recommended this page both on my blog and to my youth pastor. The comments by professionals and those “in the fight” are so helpful to me and, I hope, will be helpful to others looking for hope that someone understands.

    ASBO? Only in a world where everything has to be perfect. This thread is well worth reading and reflection.

    My thanks go to all who have (and who will) give their thoughts.

    Scotte

    Comment by A S Hodel — April 18, 2008 @ 1:19 am

  48. Hey I’ve been visiting this blog for a while now and thought it would be a good time to jump in and say thanks for this great comic, especially these ones you posted here.

    My story is a lot like other people here, I used to self-harm so it resonates with me. Especially the 2nd comic, because self-harmers are EXTREMELY stereotyped (spend a day in high school and you know what I mean). So I am always very hesitant to make statements about self-harmers in general because I know that it’s different for everyone and a very personal thing. I am still trying to understand why I used to hurt myself… I’m not proud that I got into that mess, but I’m proud that somehow I managed to get out of it… so while my arms will be scarred for the rest of my life, thanks to God’s grace my heart feels new every day! Cool!

    Comment by Aubrey — April 18, 2008 @ 3:28 am

  49. Now that I’ve actually got more time to write, I’ll say this properly - self harm is a taboo topic in the church, just as a lot of hard to deal with things are. We need to talk about these things, though. If we don’t, they keep on happening to people we love. The longer we’re silent, the longer people are in pain.

    Last year, in my final term of youth group, I spoke to the group about my self harm. I stared at the ground the whole time, and spoke quieter than I ever have. I was scared. I spoke about the darkest times of my life and afterwards, people opened up about their own experiences - often, they were similar to mine. Some people commented that they used to think I was frustratingly happy all the time, but after that, they understood me a lot more. They didn’t look at someone for the surface anymore.

    In spite of how scared we may be of sharing the darkest, most secret parts of ourselves, we have to do it. We have to be vulnerable and be human and be scared, hurt and… imperfect. When we face that, together, that’s when we become more like Christ. When we build each other up, in every way, not just the ways that don’t intimidate us.

    Once, I carved ‘loser’ into my arm, because that’s how I saw myself. Now, I have ‘love’ tattooed on my arm, because that’s what I am - loved. Facing my self harm was a big step into feeling loved. We need to talk about it. We need to support each other.

    We’re a church - a gathering of Christ’s people. Let’s act like we are, unashamedly loved and unashamedly broken.

    Comment by Tamara — April 18, 2008 @ 3:31 am

  50. the openess in these comments has been so moving. Emie thankyou for all you have written and for allowing us to hear how it feels for you. I pray you find some grace and love through all of this.

    Comment by soniamain — April 18, 2008 @ 7:04 am

  51. Hi,

    I’d be a liar if I said I understood anything about self-harming - it is outside of the realms of anything I’ve ever encountered. To be honest, cos I don’t know anything about it, I find it a bit scary, especially as I’m a mum to two young women, one of whom has a tendency to get a bit anxious and is prone to mood swings at times. I used this cartoon to talk about the subject with my 14 year-old, so that was good.

    I’ve been bowled over by everyone’s honesty here, especially Emie. I still don’t understand much about the issue, but you have given me a good insight. It’s been very positive. Thanks guys.

    Comment by Carole — April 18, 2008 @ 10:01 am

  52. aubrey and tamara… thank you. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 18, 2008 @ 10:21 am

  53. i just wrote a very long, heartfelt post. and then i accidentally deleted it. :(

    Just know, to those who struggle with this there are people who are prepared to love and help without judging and condemning.

    And for the rest of us, lets make a commitment to be aware of this issue and more important, if we encounter it let’s try to react with love, compassion and support. Some of the reactions I’ve read about here and on other sights are little short of emotional and spiritual abuse. Love. don’t judge.

    Emie, You’re not alone. You are loved.

    to all of you who opened up and shared here, you touched my heart deeply. 1 year ago in a training seminar on teen issues the subject of SI was touched on. It was brief and one subject amongst many, I had never encountered it at that point. but somehow that segment of the seminar leapt out at me. I believe God was telling me that morning ‘get ready, you’re going to be encountering this’. almost exactly a year later one of the students in our Youth ministry came to me and told me he’d been cutting himself. I thank God that he gave me some warning. I have no idea how I’d react if i’d been unprepared. Right now I don’t know what the future holds but I have a feeling there are so many others out there who are hurting, crying, dieing inside and for whom SI is the only way they know how to cope. My heart cries for you. My soul cries for you. I’m no-one special, but i burn within to reach out to those who hurt. I wish I could find a way to tell you how much you are loved, how special God thinks you are, I wish I could hug you, be there with you, i wish you could know that God wants to take you up in his arms and hold you until there are no more tears, that Jesus weeps for your pain, that he cries out in intercession for you, that he longs for you to know his love and and healing. I have no idea where these words are coming from, I’m sitting, crying in my office, as i type my two fingers typing as fast as i’ve ever typed, my heart is breaking. please, please please, whoever this is for, don’t do this alone. know that you are loved and I am praying for you. I’m going to end and post this now before i second guess myself and change my mind

    Tom

    Comment by Tom C — April 18, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

  54. p.s.

    check out

    http://www.selfinjury.com

    and

    http://www.twloha.com/index.php

    for more info.

    Comment by Tom C — April 18, 2008 @ 1:36 pm

  55. thank you tom. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 18, 2008 @ 3:10 pm

  56. No, thank you Jon. The weight and depth of responses here is testimony to how important this cartoon is.

    and I agree with your comment (#17)that “from an artistic point of view, the child with the knife is my favourite cartoon to date” ;)

    on an entirely unrelated note, tonight i’ll be preaching a message to my youth inspired by your Hamster wheel cartoon. thanks again!

    Comment by Tom C — April 18, 2008 @ 4:39 pm

  57. first, thankyou to everyone who’s commented here :)

    and secondly, to those who said they’re almost addicted to self-harm, or when they SIed they felt they were addicted, in truth you probably were. it’s as difficult to quit as smoking and you get awful withdrawels (my friend became addicted and apparently quitting was Hell). so if anyone else suggests to a self-harmer to ‘just stop’ feel free to clunk ‘em round the head.

    Comment by Émie — April 18, 2008 @ 5:03 pm

  58. Thank you so much for your honesty Emie.

    I have worked with young people both through church work and more recently in the community who si. A while ago I worked closely with a young man who si - my co-worker & I sat with him one night while he cut his arms. It broke my heart. At the time we talked about why he was cutting & this conversation opened up avenues for him to begin to deal with some of his issues.

    I don’t pretend to believe that we helped him much, but every day he got through without cutting was a small victory for him at the time.

    Emie is right when she talks about addicition - the yp I worked with talked about the release he got when he cut - I think it was to do with the endorphins that rushed to the injury site. We never asked him to stop. What we tried to do was to teach him to si safely ie use clean blades, wash & dress the injury etc. I know there are lots of schools of thought on this, but we found it to work for him.

    Thank you Jon for bringing this discussion to ASBO.

    Comment by Girl Uninterrupted — April 18, 2008 @ 7:43 pm

  59. Our natural reponse to SH in ourselves (I don’t cut but wound myself inside) is to try and work out with our minds what is going on - to apply logic, reason, analyse so we can fix it, find the answer. But SH is precisely the kind of heart cry that is beyond reason or working out; it simply does not respond to our usual intellectual and medical/psychological approach. I fear that I am not welcome - I am not welcome in my own heart or in anyone else’s. No amount of logical appication of verses about the love of God will convince me at the level that SH comes from. But if I stop thinking and analysing and let my fearful self come home - without trying to fix it - I have found that something changes and I begin to be less controlled by the fear
    You remember the child’s story about in the dark dark wood there is a dark dark house, and in the dark dark house there is a dark dark room, and in the dark dark room is a dark dark cupboard, and in the dark dark cupboard is a dark dark box, and in the dark dark box there is… - a ghost! Except in real life it’s not - it’s a blaze of light, burning with love. In the darkest place I found God waiting; and as I returned, the cupboard, room, house and world outside began to blaze with light too. I keep having to go back! - but freedom starts to break in
    wow how hard it is to put this stuff into words

    Comment by Chris F — April 18, 2008 @ 8:44 pm

  60. Chris, You wrote “how hard it is to put this stuff into words” yet you managed to do it so well.

    As someone working hard to gain understanding on this so i can be better able to help those who struggle with it I thank you.

    “it’s a blaze of light, burning with love. In the darkest place I found God waiting; and as I returned, the cupboard, room, house and world outside began to blaze with light too. I keep having to go back! - but freedom starts to break in”

    Breathtaking. Beautiful.

    Comment by Tom C — April 18, 2008 @ 8:47 pm

  61. chris f… you may just be a poet. stunning words.

    girl uninterrupted… you’re welcome.

    emie… your spirit is beautiful… i’m ready to clunk. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 18, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

  62. This is all amazing, and so timely. I started hurting myself when I was 11 or 12, and I’d be lying if I said I’ve stopped. Living with serious chronic depression means finding any possible way to deal with the junk of life. I go back and forth in my mind, sometimes I just don’t remember why its wrong.

    One on my biggest frustrations with the church is the idea most people seem to have that becoming a Christian fixes everything, as if there’s an immediate difference in the before-and-after picture. Things like SI aren’t discussed in the church because we feel like we must pretend to be perfect.

    My frustration with myself is the contradiction between wanting to help others get out of this, but not being sure I’ll ever be free from it myself.

    Comment by lydia — April 19, 2008 @ 3:18 am

  63. Lydia, I’m so sure that a lot of people understand your frustrations. I became a Christian two years ago, and I was given a post it note by my youth group leaders that said ‘Remember that becoming a Christian doesn’t fit everything - it just means that you’ve got God though it all.’ and I now know how truly blessed I am to have had those leaders. Most people aren’t so fortunate.

    A few people I know also struggle with SI, and somehow, we help each other in the hard times. We all still struggle. None of us are out of the darkness completely, and until Heaven, we’re fairly certain we won’t escape it, but still… a voice of understanding is sometimes all someone needs. To know they’re not alone.

    Don’t be frustrated with yourself. Being hurt and vulnerable is part of the human condition. Use your vulnerabilities to help others.

    Comment by Tamara — April 19, 2008 @ 5:06 am

  64. lydia - tamara is right about the post-it note thing (great that they did that too btw)
    If your experience of church is that you have to pretend to be perfect then you’re at the wrong church! As a teenager I went to several churches where they said I was wrong, that I shouldn’t be depressed because God loved me.
    All I can say is Thank God for finally finding my spiritual home with a bunch of special people at Sanctuary. I’m not there in body right now but it is my home, my church, my safety and I know I’m accepted despite my darkness, my struggles and my failures.
    And we all need a little of that…..

    Comment by dadube — April 19, 2008 @ 5:20 am

  65. I think dadube is right - a community of people where you can be honest, and accepted for who you are is so important.

    I have found these conversations so challenging, I mentioned earlier that my mum has Sh for many years. I have never really understood it, I knew the theory but never wanted to hear the pain. These conversations have helped me to understand a little of her pain- not easy to acknowledge, but i think i need to.

    Comment by soniamain — April 19, 2008 @ 9:20 am

  66. Powerful images.
    I used to self-harm as a teen but thankfully have been clean for almost 2 years now.
    When I was recovering it was possibly one of the lonliest things I’ve ever done and I don’t think I’m out of the woods yet I still occasionally get the urge to do it when life gets too much…you’re right its a coping mechanism…its just not the right one.
    I used these site extensively when recovering so if you have a kid in your youth group struggling with SH then maybe passing these sites on would help.

    Lysamena Project on Self-Injury: Christian Self-Injury Resources
    http://www.self-injury.org/
    The best part of this site is it has a list of other things to do if you feel the urge to hurt yourself by following the 15 minute rule. Do something else for 15 minutes or 10 if you don’t feel you can possibly manage 15, if you still want to hurt yourself after 15 minutes then yes you can, but try another 15 minutes. Often I found after a couple of sets of 15 mins the urges would abate.

    The other site I used was RecoverYourLife.com sometimes referred to as RYL.com.
    http://www.recoveryourlife.com/
    RecoverYourLife.com is one of the biggest support sites online and provides a livehelp function so you can chat to someone if needed.
    Blessed Be
    Pyrobutterfly

    ASBO jesus

    Comment by Pyrobutterfly — April 19, 2008 @ 2:41 pm

  67. *processes the last 64 posts*

    Wow. Firstly Jon - what an absolutley fantastic cartoon, thank you. I’m glad you finally plucked up the courage to post it as it has provoked a lot of conversation about what is still a very taboo subject. The fact people feel as if they can share their testimonies is immense.

    I would love to respond to each and every post here, but that would take me a long time, so I want to than everyone for feeling as if they can share their personal testimonies of self harm or their experience of others self harming. It’s great to see others being so supportive, and also people recognising it is an issue.

    I’ve been reading this blog for quite some time now, and am always both inspired and amazed at Jon’s sheer honesty, and sometimes blatent controversy! It’s wonderful, and there’s never been one single cartoon I havent thoroughly enjoyed processing, but I’ve got to say, this one wins! It’s taken me this long to come here and write a reply because I wasn’t too sure what to say. But thank you.

    I’ve SI’ed on and off for 7 years now. I can go 7 or 8 months of not doing it and then it spirals out of control again. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also do not shout about it to my friends. It is something only a select few people know about. My scars are all in hidden places, so ultimatley why does anyone ever have to know?

    About a year after I started doing it, I found out a girl at my school was also doing it. She was severley bullied, and to be honest I really didn’t much care for her myself! But she needed someone to talk to, and I was there for her. At this point in time my parents weren’t aware that I self harmed - I was doing it pretty badly at that point, maybe once or twice a day. Out of nowhere she blackmailed me and told me I had to tell my parents otherwise she would tell a teacher. Needless to say I told my parents. I was aware it was going to be hard enough for them to find the news out anyway let alone if it came from a teacher. It needed to come from me. So I sat them down and told them everything. They just couldn’t understand, although they tried their absolute best. My dad kept asking questions like ‘doesn’t it hurt?’. It was painful for me to hear things like that, and I struggled to answer. I felt so ashamed.

    A few weeks later it had already been compltley brushed under the carpet and so I started again. My friend/youth leader (there was a bit of a cross over there!) at church was an absolute god send to me. She was wonderful. I basiacally used to vent at her pretty much every week!

    After about 4 years of doing it, when I was 17 I realised God was calling me into youth work,to support other young people through teenage years. Lets face it, they aren’t the best years of your life at all, are they?! I took a gap year when I was 18, and I’ve got to say it was quite possibly the single worst year of my life. My self harm reached an all time worse, and to be honest I’m amazed at the fact I didn’t hospitalise myself. I think one day I managed to do it over 30 times (thank goodness the cuts weren’t too deep!). But after that the cuts got worse and worse, and so did the depression. I was put onto anti-depressants which did absolutley nothing, apart from make my highs higher and my lows lower.

    After that year I did wonder if I was actually cut out for youth work. Earlier, Dadube (forgive me if it wasnt you), said something about it being awful when young people talk to you about self harm, but you are only able to say so much to them about your understanding of it. It’s a REALLY hard place to be in. Plus, the fact my depression had only worsened just made me question it all.

    Anyway, after much prayer and conversation with a couple of very close friends, I realised I had to take it on as a degree. When I started I made it very clear to my placement that I self harmed and they still took me on, and have been absolutley wonderful to me. Although I’m still doing it, it’s very infrequent, and I feel much much stronger and happier to talk to people about it. As far as my young people go, they’ve got no idea I did/do it, but I’m happy I’ve got some kind of insight to it.

    Next year I’ll be in my third year and want to write my dissetation on Self Harm and Salvation. I’m finally at a place where I feel I can do that without thinking it’ll cause me too much pain, but that has been a long process for me - it’s taken me a trip to Taizé, a lot of screaming and shouting to God, and a big change in lifestyle to get to that point. But I’m there, and it’s a good place to be.

    My self esteem is still horrifically low, but with the grace of God, and the support of other people, maybe one day that will change….

    One final thing… there was a plug from Dave about the FYT stuff on self harm. I’ve got it, and it’s excellent stuff!

    Comment by Sarah — April 19, 2008 @ 7:13 pm

  68. I’m so sorry, that’s a little longer than I meant it to be!

    Comment by Sarah — April 19, 2008 @ 7:13 pm

  69. take as much time and space as you want sarah. great to have you here and an amazingly honest post. you’re clearly a natural communicator. glad the fyt stuff is useful.
    have your parents and you ever talked about it since, or is it in the past so far as they are concerned? i ask because i gather from these posts that parents really struggle to deal with the reality of what is going on.
    and a question to everyone really… what would be the best way for a parent to respond… if you could tell them what to do and know they’d do it, what would you ask from them?
    i’m not a parent myself, but i know there are those who read this blog who are and i guess this is a common issue for many young people… either self-harming or having friends who do. my questions might be naive…
    thank you for helping us to understand. bless you, sarah. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 19, 2008 @ 8:29 pm

  70. In terms of my own parents they pretty much buried it under the carpet there and then. If my mum saw the cuts/scars she may say ‘have you been doing *it* again’, but never seemed to actually say it out right to me which I found more frustrating than if she’d actually came out right. It was like she was ashamed of me doing it or something. They’ve never really raled to me about it since. I often get ‘when you went through that depressed patch’ which I find annoying for two reasons - 1. the phrase which she choses to use, and 2. because unfortunatley it wasn’t just a patch. I was diagnosed with a boderline personality disorder this time last year (to me that’s just confirmation of stuff I used, nothing important at all) but they have absolutley no idea that I have it, and just see me as a very emotional person. That’s kind of upsetting, but my brother and sister have both been through so much, and I don’t really want to have to keep putting my parents through the mill… I also don’t like the continous talking about it, so the less said on my behalf to them about my problems, the better!!

    In terms of how a parent should respond I think it’s down to the individual person in the situation. One thing that I think I’d say was crucial is NEVER take their blades/tool away from them. If they want to self harm they will find a way whether you take away their tool of choice or not. If you take it away, in my experience they will just resent you for it. I think the other thing is be open to listening to them, and don’t say things like ‘arent there any other ways you can deal with this’ because from my personal experience, a person becomes almost dependant on harming, and they may not want to see other routes. This is something that can be talked about in time, but initially it’s not necessarily important. Finally, and most importantly I think sensitivity is needed. Even if you don’t understand, try to learn to understand why they do it. If you say it’s stupid, it’s likely to upset the individual even more.

    And it’s my pleasure to talk about it, one day I hope to write a book!

    I hope you don’t mind me putting this Jon, but if you or anyone else here ever wishes to contact me they can do so via my blog which is linked through my name. It’s a subject I hold very close to my heart, and if I can listen to anyone or give any advice in any way I would dearly love to.

    Comment by Sarah — April 20, 2008 @ 12:32 am

  71. sorry a couple of typos:

    They’ve never really TALKED to me about it since.

    I also meant: to me it was already confirmation of something I already knew!

    Comment by Sarah — April 20, 2008 @ 12:36 am

  72. thank you again sarah… and if you need a cartoon for your book… :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 20, 2008 @ 1:39 am

  73. *massive massive hugs to sarah*

    Comment by Émie — April 20, 2008 @ 5:03 am

  74. thanks Jon! I need to write a book first! I think my dissertation has to be done first ;)

    Comment by Sarah — April 20, 2008 @ 8:16 am

  75. I love the fact that you’re doing your disseration on this Sarah - I didn’t have to do a disseration as I was a joint honours student, but I did have to write a 10,000 word play for my playwriting course - hmmmm can anyone guess what was at the centre of the play???!

    Is it really bad jon that I don’t think parents SHOULD respond? (not shouting btw but can’t seem to use italics) All power to the parents who want to tackle difficult issues with their kids but si is a real killer. From mine and others experience, to be told not to do it, or have someone worry about you (which parents undoubtedly would do) can prolong the feelings of inadequacy and guilt that mean people si in the first place. So many si-ers cut in hidden places, so its not about wanting others to know or see. Yes, people need support, but if you think about illnesses in general its best to get appropriate help from those who are in a situation to do the best good. A recovering alcoholic finds solice in AA, someone who is depressed might see a pysch etc etc etc. In the support group I belong to its all about acknowledging others’ pain and giving them a space to be who they are. Some parents can do this, but often they are too close to the situation to be able to detatch in this way.
    I wouldn’t want to be a parent with a child who si’s - its not an easy road…..
    Oh, I also totally agree with Sarah about not taking away whatever someone uses to si, people will always get more. I choose to give my blades away (to the extraordinary bloke who became my long suffering husband)but if he had taken them I would have just fought every inch of the way.

    Another long post - sorry about that!

    Comment by dadube — April 20, 2008 @ 3:23 pm

  76. Eek - spelt dissertation wrong twice - obviously not an English teacher!

    Comment by dadube — April 20, 2008 @ 3:24 pm

  77. everyone should really stop apologising for long posts! especially when they are so good. :-)

    that’s really tricky for a parent to get right isn’t it?
    is there more self harm than there used to be, or is it just that it has come to the medias attention more in recent years?
    i ask too many questions… this is my last, i promise. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 20, 2008 @ 9:18 pm

  78. Jon, it’s good you’re willing to ask the questions, don’t feel bad about it!! It’s good to see people willing to take interest in it.

    Dadube - I can understand exactly what you’re saying about parents not getting involved, and I’m actually quite glad mine did manage to brush it under the rug, but also by not acknowledging it, it made it feel as if somehow what I was doing was this terrible thing, and that they just couldnt accept me for it! It is really tricky for a parent to get it right, and I would hate to be in that kind of situation. I don’t think there is a solution to this, other than as I said earlier being sensitive, not taking away their tools, and then judging the situation with discretion. People do it for different reasons, so one way of dealing with it may work for one person and not another.

    In answer to your question Jon I would be inclined to say that although it is still a taboo subject it is far less so than it was even four or five years ago. There is far more in the media about it, so I think people are starting to feel a little more confident in actually coming out, as the case were. Although admittadley that is still a big step, and a hard one! I also think within the whole emo ‘culture’ (I say that in the loosest sense of the term) it has become more accepted. Although I think this is can be both a good thing and a bad thing. I’d be inclined to say that as well as more people doing it, there are a lot more people doing it for attention these days as well. That’s not meant as demeaning at all, as I think those who do it for attention are still doing it for a reason, and that issue needs to be addressed, just as much as if someone was doing it in a hidden place. I personally think there may be more to self harm these days, but maybe only because it is becomming more accepted, especially in certain subcultures.

    My friends daughter came up to me about a year ago and said ‘your emo, do you cut yourself?’ and with that she pulled my sleeve up. I have no idea where she got the idea I was emo from as although I have a unique dress sense, I don’t listen to the music or hold myself in that way! But the concerning thing was that she linked the whole emo culture with self harm, and it seems that so many young people do this today. I have had so many young people say ‘all emos do is cry and cut themselves’ which is worrying. I had a young person once who self harmed for no other reason than to fit in with her friends, and I think that’s a worrying place to be in. We live in a society that is so based on image, and pressure from peers, media, music, etc. that it is quite possible that as self harm becomes more widely acknowledged it will be seen as more acceptable. On the whole, this is a brilliant thing, but I can’t help but wonder if some people may see it as the latest ‘fad’.

    Apologies if this offends anyone, I say it more out of concern than anything else.

    Comment by Sarah — April 20, 2008 @ 9:46 pm

  79. Oh no, I’m enetering the firing line….

    I guess there are three categories:

    Attention seeker
    Self harmer
    Suicider

    I stopped my best friend from being the latter. I took the broken glass out of his hand.

    I know people who are No. 2 and get off on the pain. They like the harm.

    I have known and still know some people who are No. 1.

    Sorry. I live in this place. I hear the jokes like “I told Emily to choose life” and “I want an emo lawn” but it is such a complicated place to be.

    You know what firks me off more than anything? You can be any part of society without question. Pierce something and all of a sudden you get “why did you do that?”. Why is it acceptable to be a rapper but not an emo? Why is it acceptable to get your lobes pierced but not your conch? Why is it acceptable to kick someone to death when they like My Chemical Romance but not when they like Britney?

    Comment by Robb — April 20, 2008 @ 11:29 pm

  80. I think you can put links in between those the categories, but there aren’t always links there. Just because one self harms it doesn’t mean that they are suicidal. That may not mean that there haven’t been those thoughts there, but the reason some people do it (and it really does vary) is merely to stay alive. To feel SOMETHING instead of a constant numbness. That was one of the reasons I did it, and I never wanted anyone to ask me the question ‘why did you do that’ because if they asked me that it’d make me feel guilty, and would mean I would have to stop. Of course I couldnt do that, so I’d just hide the cuts and scars from everyone, and contine. A majority of self harmers will not want that question asked, and will think of any number of excuses to answer that question, just to avoid reality.

    Again, I have known people who have done it for attention, but like I said in my previous post, surely we still need to ask the question ‘why is this person doing it?’ If they that’s the only way they can get attention, surely there is something a little wrong?

    Comment by Sarah — April 21, 2008 @ 6:06 am

  81. If they that’s the only way they can get attention, surely there is something a little wrong?

    I guess the first person I knew who pretended to be a self harmer was already getting way too much attention and she lapped it up. I guess that was what was a little wrong.

    Somehow the attempted suicide and the self harmers all lived in the same house. They were all suffering from severe clinical depression. That was a fun student flat to live in!!

    Comment by Robb — April 21, 2008 @ 8:05 am

  82. Hi Folks, and thank you for such an open and heart felt conversation, haven’t had time to read ASBO recently, so it was amazing to find this today - especially after a really painful weekend.

    curiously I get a picture of nurturing self love alongside the action of self harm, as it feels like letting the body release some of the pain held within - i don’t know what that might sound like to someone who battles with this?

    I just love what you say here Tamara - “We have to be vulnerable and be human and be scared, hurt and… imperfect. When we face that, together, that’s when we become more like Christ. When we build each other up, in every way, not just the ways that don’t intimidate us.”

    this Sat I got to go to a lecture on Group Dynamics, which unexpectedly took the lid of a whole tone of shit for me, - I still find groups painful places to be and struggle to cope with the negative dynamics. But I’m brining it up here because I believe there is a link between the dynamics within a community we belong to and self harm. Groups can be life giving and really love people for who they are, but often they split into sub groups, of insiders and outsiders, of what’s permitted and what’s hidden. Our self image is formed from the way we feel others view us, and this imperfect process often doesn’t enable us to see our own beauty and power, or to express our full person-hood. groups can feel liberating or claustrophobic. often some people are not listened to, and this process of silencing and marginalising is destructive. It feels difficult trying to explain what I’m thinking, so will stop.

    Comment by subo — April 22, 2008 @ 10:30 am

  83. that was very clear su… and contained much wisdom. thanks. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 22, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  84. [...] Jon Birch, for posting this cartoon after agonising about [...]

    Pingback by Spot the self-harmer … Cartoon: Asbo Jesus | The Wardman Wire — April 23, 2008 @ 8:02 am

  85. Thanks for posting. I have somebody close to me who self-harmed as a coping mechanism. It’s really hard, but I think we’re starting to find other ways of coping that are a bit healthier. There’s still a huge stigma attached to self-harming, and somewhat manifested by your earlier fear to post the cartoons. There seems to be a culture that it should be hidden away and kept secret, which does not help one little bit and is only protecting the ignorance of others. Thanks again for posting, by doing so and opening this thread, you’ve done a marvellous thing. Let’s hope that more will take this issue forward into the open.

    Comment by Mike Rouse — April 23, 2008 @ 10:58 am

  86. Really great cartoons, thanks for sharing them, and thanks to all the people who have written their thoughts.

    I’m a Christian who is currently struggling with self-injury. If you want to get inside the mind of someone who uses it as a way to cope with overwhelming emotion, I have recently created a website with my poetry on the theme of self-injury:

    http://poetryscape.wordpress.com/anonymous-poets-homepage

    Something has gone a bit wierd with the font on the homepage sidemenu, but once you click on any of the poetry pages it becomes okay! I’ve probably written far too many poems! - so the ones that I think explain my self-injury best are ‘Struggling to say NO’ and ‘This is not just a cut…’. Several of them come from a Christian world view, eg ‘Where is God?’.

    I also wanted to mention another christian website on self-harm: http://adullam-ministries.org.uk/ which I have found very helpful, especially their discussion forum.

    Thanks for looking at a difficult subject :-)

    Comment by Eeeek — April 23, 2008 @ 11:05 pm

  87. Hiya Mike, just to say feel for you watching someone you care about self-harm, it’s hard.

    I feel the need to add something about how I understand self-harm, which is not very much, appologies though if this sounds out of tune with this conversation.

    - if self-harm is somewhere on the scale of self-sabotaging stuff, which we all do in some way (at times) and, I think there is a logical reason why we get into self-sabotaging, it’s part of the amazing way we are made, (say for instance ‘depression is anger turned inwards’, anger is a good, solid, God given human response to something wrong,) then self-harming is understood by God.

    Comment by subo — April 24, 2008 @ 12:29 pm

  88. [...] Images: The Ongoing Adventures of ASBO Jesus [...]

    Pingback by A coping mechanism « Just one step at a time — April 25, 2008 @ 12:34 am

  89. thank you mike. i wish you and your loved one all the very best. :-)

    eeeek. you are welcome. thanks for posting and for the links. bless you. :-)

    Comment by jonbirch — April 25, 2008 @ 2:33 am

  90. [...] 1/3 of teenagers have tried, is one of those private, secretive things which is hard to admit to. Jon Birch’s blog has given people space to do that this week online. This is one of the upsides of false identities [...]

    Pingback by It’s Confession Time | The Wardman Wire — April 26, 2008 @ 11:00 am

  91. thank you mike. i wish you and your loved one all the very best.

    Comment by Cartoon — April 29, 2008 @ 8:58 pm

  92. The love and support on this site is amazing. As someone trying to deal with SH, I’ve visited a lot of blogs and communities to talk about it, and I’ve never come across anything as supportive and loving as the conversations on this site.

    I really appriciate the care that people who have never done SH show to the ones who have. I know that my friends and family care about me, but they have a very difficult time learning anything about this subject. I especially like the second cartoon, because it’s very true.

    Comment by Bob — May 29, 2008 @ 12:42 am

  93. **Hugs for Émie **

    I’m 30. I starting self harming aged 13, and started seriously cutting myself aged 18 until I was 26. I have to try, every day, not to do it again - it’s hard work. I would love to listen to you (Émie) any time - my parents were not pastors, but they were leaders in church and I was made to feel so disgusting and evil on so many occasions - I even had a forced exorcism which was frankly bizarre rather than scary! Someone in church found some bible verse where it said I was ‘of the devil’ for cutting myself.

    But you know what - on my wedding day, I was proud of my scars, because they show exactly where I’ve been, and the journey God has led me through, and I’m coming out the other end now… I hope you do too, hang on in there XX

    Comment by Becstar77 — June 10, 2008 @ 12:12 pm

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