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What about the overweight woman (me) who looked in the mirror, saw a thin reflection and carried on eating cake?
(I looked again and joined weight watchers.)
Great site – great comments.
This is my first.
Awesome post.
I know so many people who are thin yet see themselves as fat/fatter than they are and waste enormous amounts of time on what they see in the mirror. When you are the one in the first image, seeing the truth and accepting it and happy about who you are, you have much more energy to concentrate on other things, to enjoy life. So many friends, I wish they saw the truth! I’ve had quite a few friends with eating disorders at some point in their life. Currently one has been literally fighting for her life with anorexia the last two years. Basically hospitalised all this time. The false image of self has had incredibly serious effects.
She has nearly lost her life.
thanks heather and all the best.
that’s so sad mimou, i am so sorry. i’ve known and know people in a similar situation. it is heart breaking.
Rather than focus on fat/thin, I think we need to switch to healthy/unhealthy. I’ve struggled with weight my adult life – both my parents died from alcoholism but were also overweight and smoked – so I know I need to get myself down to a healthy weight.
I went down a dress size this past year but I gained weight due to muscle. According to BMI charts, I am overweight but they don’t take athletic build/large bones into account. IF I went down to what they say my BMI weight would be, I’d be sickly.
But it’s hard when fashion magazines feature plus size models, who are a size 10 and regular models are a size 2.
Here’s a thought: if the Bible is our food, is there such a thing as spiritual anorexia or spiritual bulimia or even spiritual obesity? What would they look like?
I’ve worked with the local children’s ward here and heard of children as young as 8 & 9 being treated for anorexia.
Both my mum and sister have suffered with this, it’s heart breaking to see. I work so hard with my girls to tell them they are beautiful and hopefully help them to feel good about themselves and see themselves in a positive way.
Did you ever see this advert for an anorexia charity in Sweden – http://www.metacafe.com/watch/461590/anorexia_bulimia_contact/
I got down to the BMI charts expectation. I looked stupidly thin! I now aim to be about a stone “overweight”.
Either way, it is better than being 7 stone overweight!
Oh yeah, when I look back at the photos I was stupidly thin. At the time I was box two.
BMI always gets to me – according to the chart i am at the top of the scale of being over weight (i think they have a category called “Sorry, are you not dead already?”) Acording to BMI i have to loose 7 1/2 stone. This is just not possible. But i always feel depressed thinking about it.
I guess i dont fit either of the pics
This is a great post, and raises an issue that needs to be addressed in society so much. My sister was admitted to a London anorexia unit 9 days ago and its heartbreaking to see her there but its the best place she can be until she accepts Jesus’s healing in her life. We need to stop so many more people seeing skewed perceptions of themsleves.
7- I have seen the advert before, very powerful and moving.
I think it is really hard for us who have not suffered from this illness to really understand how it is for people who are suffering. What makes me so cross is the huge pressure we put young men and women under to fit into the so called ‘perfect mold’. These issues need to be addressed at primary school level, not just senior school, but also what are we as a church doing to challenge these stereo typical images of ultra thin men and women, how are we acting counter to the culture and showing positive other images?
Yet another very well thought out cartoon Jon. Self image is something that’s been really on my heart recently. A year ago I recognised that God loves me not simply because he has to, but because he wants to. That was a painful recognition and something I still struggle with now. I look in the mirror and see something entirely different to what others see. I see a fat, ugly, selfish person, and cannot understand why anyone would like me. Yet it seems they do. It’s difficult because I am so painfully aware of my emotions and the fact that my self pereption is not necessarily the true me, but I cannot seem to accept myself. I guess what I wanted to say is that so often it’s not just about looking in the mirror and seeing an overweight person when you are actually not overweight, but is often the inner self hatred as well.
It’s paunful, and the media does not help at all
thank you friends for the helpful and thoughtful comments.
hi sarah. and thanks… i am not a sufferer from this particular problem. i have my own problems though. however, even i can see how completely unhelpful the media is.
one great sadness that occurs to me is that no matter how much weight one loses it is likely that he/she looking in the mirror will still see someone fat or ugly… i have seen what happens to people when they get into a downward spiral. it is so sad. a new sense of self, growing from the inside, in the mind and heart is what i hope for people in this difficult situation.
anorexia’s seriously bad, can touch anyone, is multiple and varied, and often a hidden battle – and yet we still make personal and judgmental comments!
at the same time, i think a genuinely loving, accepting and welcoming church is a powerful source of healing. sometimes it doesn’t look that amazing, because people still cope with hard stuff – but i know it would be much harder if that warmth and love wasn’t there.
sadly some churches fail to build a listening and accepting love, into their culture, and instead create a divide of who’s in and who’s not quite made it this yr. – just like all the bitchy gossip mags really, only not so glossy
so here’s to aknowledging we are amazing, and filled with God
#5 I think the church is full of spiritual anorexics.
Because I don’t “go to church” on a Sunday I often get asked how I get spiritually fed. People don’t like it when I point out that I’ve been a Christian 20 years and in that time I’ve learnt how to feed myself and in fact one sermon a week is hardly enough spiritual nourishment.
These days many Christians are either dangerously malnourished or live on a diet of spiritual ready meals and takeout. Either way it’s very unhealthy.
My stepdaughter is among the obese who either deny it or see themselves as normal.
She also generally refuses to see doctors and at 32 years old has Never had an OB-GYN exam.
NOT healthy!!!
Although, to her credit, as her mother has lost weight, the daughter has started to lose a bit.
The truth is, you can no more change the rate at which YOUR body burns calories than you can change your height. We all have to learn to live with the height we are, and the metabolic rate we have
Trouble is, if you’re a slow burner and therefore more likely to be overweight, and each pound of fat stored is worth around 3,550 calories – if you cut your intake by 500 cal per day (ie a reasonably strict diet) logic states that you will lose only 1 pound a week. And that’s if you don’t cheat! Knowing this is important,as it’s depressing to lose weight so slowly
I am of slim build, so it’s easy for me – but when I worked in Tanzania, I lost 2 stone with illness and poor diet – not healthy.
I had to run around in the shower to get wet…
This is an issue that i have struggled with for almost 10 years now – starting in my early teens. I am doing much better but I am aware of how easy it is to slip back into old patterns. The impact of the media is huge, just reading a magazine or watching t.v can sometimes be a subconcious trigger. Until there is a real change in the media I fear that trying to deal with this is a losing battle, and the expense is peoples lives.
JB, you are legend my friend. Long time no speak. Heard all about this site from Paul Hobbs. Was drummin all last week so all feels well with the World…
TC,
Daz x.
I was watching a program about disabled women becoming models. The woman who won the competition was 5.8 and size 10, this was apparently too large for a model- for me that said it all, it made me so cross. My thoughts are with you Sara.
i saw that sonia. in my view, the real winner came second. in the end they just wanted their idea of a model… a ‘yes’ person who would be plasticine. the girl who came second was so gutsy and great, as was the girl in the wheelchair… but you could never have a model in a wheelchair it seemed. it made me sad.
hey dazzer!!! gt 2 c u here!!! glad to hear you’re drumming. come to greenbelt and camp with us!
…and how’s anna?
May I admit hrer that media images having such a severe impact at the unhealthy end on one’s self image is a totally alien concept to me.
I see it happening and feel for people sturggling with the matter but just don’t get how it gets to be that big a deal.
You are you not the media.
Media is fabrication and illusion set as bait to get you to buy.
To buy into the ilusion and thence buy the matreial goods.
This is not meant to be putting down people who are in struggles with this.
It is a statement of how I don’t get it and how I don’t see why it gets started.
Then again, even though males aosl have trouble, I am a male, not female, and not subject to the same volume of pressure being put upon me.
Now, that being said, Iwould like to look a bit stronger in the upper body; but my body is not put together for that and now not capable of that anyway.
And this male bladness thing, which is a big self-image deal in advertising products and services to remedy it – if it happens to me it happens – there’s other things I want to spend my money and time on.
That being said, there is a ot lof curiosity at os what this body will look like when it is resurrected; but I’m not in a real big hurry to fnd out, there’s still things desried to do here.
Back to various media and societal pressures there is the having a house and nice car image. But, mydesire for those comes more from growing up my parents having them than from media.
however, with this body what it os, doing the maintneance is a no-go and also having a job which would pay for it all anyway.
Accept that ond ga on living.
I wonder – - ho9w much of this body image thing arises from fmaily life instead of media pressure?
sara, thank you. i fear that sadly you are right. whatever ones particular problem, our modern world is full of subconscious triggers… i know there are for me too. i guess the thing is to try to learn and develop that love of self which counteracts the lies with the truth… but i fully recognise that can be extremely hard and a lifetime’s work. my heart goes out to those who struggle.
total credit Sara, am always highly impressed with anyone who has managed to gain on any challenge.
“i guess the thing is to try to learn and develop that love of self which counteracts the lies with the truth”
too right Jon, reality is liberating, and the truth is God holds us in high esteem.
is any one else a fan of Brennan Manning’s book “Ragamuffin Gospel: Embracing the Unconditional Love of God”? i love his ranting style and real life illustrations
yep: “The LORD delights over you with singin”
My self image problems are largely emotional/relational rather than physical(i find it hard to believe other people will or should like me/enjoy my company)
My temptation to make unhealthy choices/essentially self harm problems tend to be sexual rather than calorific in nature (i’ll not draw you a diagram)
essentially a different expression of the same inherent human brokeness this cartoon depicts. My broken-ness expresses itself differently, but i am no better or worse for that. My fight is essentially the same.
God has and does and will forgive me for and rescue me from my sins: ie the choices to give in to this broken-ness and damage myself and others as a result.
Grace is sufficient.
I’m blessed with people who speak positively into my life. I hold out hope that i won’t always be so broken and that God will give me the strength not to always give in. Sometimes i believe that one day this will all be over and i won’t be broken anymore. I think this applies to you just as much as it applies to me, whatever the nature of your struggle against your broken-ness is. Love, Faith and Hope remain. Amen.
Heya, I’m a little bigger than folks think I should be, and I was depressed about it for a while, but I thank God that He is helping me form healthier habits and exercising more and eating better foods. I’ve also discovered something most amusing….each mirror in my house shows a different reflection of me! In my bathroom I’m slim, in my husband’s office I look a lot larger, and in my own office I’m foreshortened. I don’t get it, but it’s an object lesson that the mirror…and looks….can be deceiving. If your dr says you’re fine and you are doing healthy things, you just continue to do them. The restoration of yourself is from the inside, and God will show it to you. Our outsides down here won’t reflect what He sees, but we must have faith in the inner beauty He gives us, and faith that our saved and redeemed souls shine through.
Jon, this is a great cartoon. I’ve been taking note of the ones you’ve done related to body image and have added them to the resources section of the Sophia Network site as they’ll be really useful to youth leaders working with young people on these issues – hope that’s ok.
Becky – I completely agree with you that health and strength should be the focus rather than weight or fat/thin. Surely part of fulfilling the second commandment is about eating healthily to enable our bodies to function in the way they were designed.
the thing is, mirrors only mirror.
k- i’ll try and make that sentance make more sense!
we take in images and reflections from other people…and here forrest may have something.
If ( as females) all we hear is
“oh! aren’t you a pretty little thing?”
or “Lets get your hair fixed then you’ll look Really pretty for school today…”
or “That dress makes you lok really attractive darling…”
Any surprises when our female population grows up thinking that: Our Looks are all?…Our Body Shape is vital?…Our Value as a person is shakey?..Our Worth in the eyes of those who we adore is debatable?
I think there’s no surprises here.
We are people. Not bits of meat.
( sorry, bit harsh there!)
i always try to tell my children, a boy and a girl, that they are beautiful in every way, inside and out – cos they are – and interestingly it is my boy who finds it most difficult to hear and take on board.
i am fat, i would be the fat woman looking at a fat woman in the mirror, but i would be smiling
some won’t like that, never mind, not my issue.
xxx
Becky (4): I think you’re right that it’s about health and fitness, rather than size (or lack of it) per se. I have a friend who can easily put on several pounds in a week if she has one meal out or an indulgent treat one day. On the other hand, I have another friend who’s had problems keeping her weight UP, to the point where she was advised to stop breastfeeding her child because it was adding to the drain on her body. I find both situations hard to comprehend, as I have the kind of metabolism that seems to be pretty self regulating and has stayed stable to within a few pounds ever since I hit puberty. That said, I don’t own a car and I walk and cycle practically everywhere and at every opportunity. I also try to eat healthily, so it’s not all down to luck.
“I work so hard with my girls to tell them they are beautiful and hopefully help them to feel good about themselves and see themselves in a positive way.” Sonia (6), I’m very glad to hear it. I hope their dad does too – the importance of hearing it from BOTH parents is hard to underestimate.
Sarah (13) & Linus (28): Me too, but I can sometimes take comfort from the fact that I’m not by any means alone, and in many ways am more comfortable in myself than many, many others.
With me, it usually expresses itself in the kind of harsh, judgemental attitude towards myself that I would never dream of applying to other people and get extremely irate about if I see it being done to someone else by a 3rd party. I live in hope that I will one day learn to apply the same level of generosity and justice to myself that I automatically apply to others.
Jon @ 22 – Wasn’t the model who came second exactly the one who was in a wheel chair? I liked her too.
Jon, earlier – thanks, she is not one of my closest friends, but someone I know. But her struggle, literally for life (or the sickness in her head) has taught me a lot. Anorexia is not to play with.. It is extremely hard for her to get rid of it and the way of thinking. It can eat your life. It is so sad. I think a turning point for her was when a pastor couple I know “adopted” her as their “daughter”. But she is still fighting.
Love is our only hope, and what can heal. Needs people willing to do the love walk though – to love, to engage, to be involved. To be there.
“the importance of hearing it from BOTH parents is hard to underestimate.”
That’s nonsense! I of course meant ‘the importance of hearing it from BOTH parents is hard to OVERestimate’.
HIYA PEEPS!! Just returned from having a thoroughly lazy and indulgent holiday in the Med. Yes, a bit of sloth, a bit of gluttony and no doubt a few more deadly sins into the bargain! But I’ll spare myself from overdoing the guilt. When I first glanced at this cartoon, I thought someone had been peeking at my holiday snaps – that’s me, the reflection on the far right. Well maybe not quite, but I’m not quite the woman looking in the mirror either. The odd thing about self-image is that it is so relative. When I was in my 20s, I remember picking fault with every little bit of flesh on my body. A few weeks ago, we dug out the old photo albums and I spotted this cute bikini-clad babe – a double-take and I realised it was me! I wasn’t bad after all, I just needed to be more confident in myself at the time. This year was the first beach holiday we’ve been on in years. I dutifully purchased nice one piece swimsuits with armour plating at the front to avoid offending with my middle age spread. In the end I washed and rotated the two bikinis I’d packed ‘just in case’. Fact is, in spite of the fact that the scales and BMI show me to be 3 stones overweight, what I saw from observing all the other bodies this last fortnight is that I’m, at worst, average, for a 46 year-old mum.
My baby girl, 15 and gorgeous, didn’t bother to make friends with other girls, though. When she saw them gathered together for some activities, she said they were all really skinny. I saw them, too, and know for a fact they came in all shapes and sizes. It’s funny, this tendency to be selective about what we see. Funny, also, how at that age (particularly) we envy other people’s body/image but not their mind/personality/character. Or at least not if they don’t have that good body to go with it…
hey carole… much missed!
youngsters not appreciating their youthful bodies is sad. their skin will never again be so smooth, their eyes will never again have such clear whites, their ‘extremities’ will never again be attempting to point forwards with such enthusiasm, their joints will never again be so elastic or their teeth so strong… they’ll not appreciate it when they have it and mourn it when it is gone. welcome home!
Hi Jon, lovely to be back (I think!)
That was beautifully put with humour and poignancy. And ain’t it just the truth, Jon? I have been reflecting on the ageing process while I’ve been away. A few years ago I went through the phase of receiving the flirtatious glances from the waiters and barmen. Of course, you laugh it off, how pathetic, it’s such a stereotype, blah, blah…but actually the attention does make you feel great. With two gorgeous girls in tow who have outgrown buckets and spades, it’s a different story. I’m treated with respect as ‘Señora’ who has not one, but two daughters. Ah well, suppose I just have to enjoy the attention vicariously…
I’m fighting to discourage my body parts to think of their carbon footprint and not take advantage of cheap flights and migrate south each winter…their response is to consider emigration as a serious possibility!
I think ageing is God’s way of encouraging fidelity into old age…two people who remember when ALL their hair was the same colour
‘encourage to’… must proof-read before posting…
Is it wrong that i find all four girls atractive?
Of course not, Andy, just slightly desperate…
(You know I’m only teasing – feeling particularly cheeky today!)