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Brilliant!
awesome!
Given last month’s festival of shopping and time off work, its amazing how quickly we forget anyone born out of wedlock to a teenage mother is in very good company indeed…
what a difference a couple of millenia make!
Aaghh! No, this is horrible. Last night I dreamt that I (though advanced in years)gave birth to a girl child called Grace. AsboJon and AsboClare were Godparents. It ain’t gonna happen…now where did I put that chastity belt?
Do people still do the shame thing? I don’t see much of that, to be honest. Coming from the part of the UK with the highest proportion of teenage single mums, it is pretty well considered the norm. I must admit I do feel a bit saddened when I see a young girl, barely more than a kid herself, pushing a baby around in a pram. She very possibly comes from a single parent family herself. It is lovely when the babies are small and easy to manage, feed and clothe. But when baby boy grows into a teen and finds his ‘family’ among a gang or whatever…that get’s complicated. I know it is not always the case but it is not that unusual either. There are also not enough foster carers in this area to cope with the number of babies/children who are taken into care. With the right level of family support, a child born out of wedlock to a teenage mum is as much of a blessing as any child. But sadly, you can’t take that happy state of affairs for granted.
Sorry guys, that was a really downbeat post…I’ll try to lighten up.
Indeed… didn’t Jesus say something about widows and orphans?
And yet this particular group of people is difficult to serve precisely because the stigma of unwed pregnancy causes their parents, or themselves, to stay holed up where they cannot be involved in a community.
-Rob
Carol Stream, IL
it’s good to be reminded that heaven rejoices over us.
have been mulling over Philippines, where Paul gets all soppy about ‘i always pray with thanks about your church’, and trying to take in that sense of joy
teenage motherhood though is loaded with complexity, few young mum’s have the power to ‘control’ their own lives, leaving their little one’s vulnerable. – for some it’s the opportunity to step out and build the life they want for themselves and their child, for others it’s the chain that binds them closer to depending on the whim of others, shamed by their powerlessness
love to know what the dream means Carol, maybe you have an important task to play in Jon and Clare’s lives?, giving birth to something just as alive as a babe?
Why is it people are so quick to be critical? we all do it just different people critical for different issues. I think for many christian families and churches this often causes issues about the whole “oh no they really are having sex before marriage” issue. To be honest I don’t know how I would respond if it was my teenage daughter- probably be P*** off but then i hope I would quickly be loving, accepting, welcoming and supportive.
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hey carole… just felt the need to say something unadulteratedly positive. depending on circumstance, this situation can be a million degrees of complicated of course. judgmentalism and a holier than thou attitude is something that is always unhelpful, so thought i’d address it with an upbeat and heartfelt message.
I think there is a difference between applauding teen pregnancy and accepting it.
It is all about love, acceptance and the future. Of course heaven rejoices. Someones life is a thing to celebrate regardless…
That said, long have I been sat around listening to government initiative this and government initiative that complaining that teen pregnancy wouldn’t be an issue if the teachers (which was me until summer) taught them about sex and contraception.
Don’t misunderstand me here (not condemning) – teenagers know about the birds and the bees and contraception. They are told about it once or twice a day for their entire schooling. It ranges from diagrams in science to the morality in RE through the implications for society/what does it mean to be in a family/what is love/what are relationships. It even goes as far as sticking a condom on a fake penis.
It is a wonder that they find a whole hour for literacy.
But life is a million degrees of complicated. There is no place for condemnation or judgementalism. This is particularly true when we are dealing with people who have a billion hormones running through them and nowhere to point them at…
If only the arrival of a new life was always a blessing!
I think of the young mother of 5 small children, pregnant again after a drunken husband more or less raped her – I can’t cope with another one, she pleaded
In Tanzania, yet another baby, given a name that speaks of reality eg taabu (= really really big problem) ningalijua (=if only I’d known)
I hope this doesn’t detract from the point re Mary and Jesus, which is well made. But it raises enormous issues in our world today…
very sad.
Jon – I hope you didn’t think I thought your cartoon was horrible. No, it was the dream that it reminded me of.
Coming from quite a big extended family, unplanned pregnancies have happened from time to time over the years. In the 1940s my auntie had a terrible time with the ‘judges’…especially since it happened twice (oops!). My widowed nan gave the neighbours the 2-fingered salute (metaphorically speaking) and life went on…my dear old mum largely looked after her big sister’s children. In the 70s my sister ‘got caught’. My quite strict dad, though probably disappointed couldn’t have been nicer. Mum philosophically said, “She’s not the first, she won’t be the last.” I was thrilled to have the baby ‘sister’ I’d always wanted. The Health Visitor tried to lay a guilt trip on my sister about the burden she was to my mum and dad and wouldn’t she be better giving the child up for adoption. Good job she didn’t bow to pressure, as she married the father some months later and has been with him since. In the 80s one of my nieces got pregnant – all she got was a raised eyebrow (though it may have been a tic) and then it was forgotten. My nephews have both opted for families first and will get around to marriage at some point. I’d like to know what you have to do to get a bloody party around here!
Subo – How lovely it would be if my dreams had any significance – just the stuff of mental sifting and filing – a selection of cartoons, comments, FB posts and a wish I had put more thought into choosing my kids’ godparents and that I’d taken the role a bit more seriously myself. I do think that Grace is both a lovely name and a lovely concept, though.
Jon, this one nearly brought me to tears. Not exaggerating. Thanks.
And if the above mentioned pregnant teenager had an abortion, then the tutting crowd will be calling her “baby killer” etc.
So she can’t really win, can she?!
#7 ‘It’s good to be reminded that heaven rejoices over us.’
It is indeed.
ps Is that Alexandra Burke in the background?
i think there’s something about the vulnerability of a baby, that illuminates the qualities of a community, or society (or church?).
i think we sometimes swap the judgements of previous generations, for different judgements, sometimes just as isolating and suffocating
for instance, in our ‘individualistic’ modern church, we are supposed to be able to experience God from inside our little bubble, from which vantage point a crying babe is not much help in reaching a state of blissful meditation
i think there’s just as many invisible walls, heartbroken outsiders, and despairing folk, in our community
sometimes i think the quality that should characterise a church, is ‘being a good place to be’, I know this doesn’t appear to hold up doctrine and tradition, but i believe the teaching on how church might be, would build an awesome, fun loving church
loved this one.
you didn’t read the Mark Steyn flashback did you? http://www.steynonline.com/content/view/1625/30/
yes, teenage pregnancy is a complex issue. it is almost a career for some women to live off the benefits governments give single mothers, but despite my hard-right-wing-free-market-capitalist exterior, that should not mean we cut all benefits because I’d hate for any young woman to feel pressured by any circumstance into a particular choice.
Rob of Illinois, I love your The Cheat gravatar.
dorian… i almost dedicated this cartoon to you when i posted it. please accept it belatedly. i know we disagree on a few things, or perhaps how to handle certain things… but i absolutely knew we’d agree on this, and i thought of you. hopefully as well, this puts into perspective and context my other views in which we have a difference. much respect.
carole… i didn’t think you were saying that for a second.
yes, families are complex things. it’s only in very recent times that i’ve learnt just how complex my family and it’s history really is.
I have never thought of this before thanks jon.
Oh and Mary was probably about 14
or 15 when Jesus was born….
Daily Mail – “Massiah born of teen mother in a stable… what is salvation coming to….”
A point well made.
thanks for this Jon.
As I traipse my way through an updated pregnancy crisis counselling training course it was much needed encouragement!
be encouraged bk… good on ya!
beatthedrum… and joseph perhaps 40?… what would the daily mail say about that!?
The more things change, the more things stay (mostly) the same…
Mary — an about-to-be-wed teenage girl — gets pregnant with the Christ child. People talked smack about her (probably about Joseph, too). When Christ was born, the angels rejoiced.
Unmarried (or even about-to-be-married) teenage girls since then get pregnant. People talk smack about them (less so about the fathers…after all, nowadays, it’s okay for fellas to knock up a girl; it’s their God-given duty! (notice some sarcasm)). If/when the baby is born, the angels still rejoice.
Maybe the public at large ought to adapt a similar outlook?
“God-given duty”
To go forth and multiply? Nah – God would never instruct people to do such a crazy thing!!
yes, it is possible to applaud new life without claiming that teenage preganancy (in the context of western culture) or single parenthood (in any culture in my opinion) are ideals.
Thanks Robb, Carole, Subo for expressing that distinction clearly. The thing i want to add, though, is that the church can be (if we choose to be) the family, the community, the support that these mothers and babies desperately need. As do all mothers and babies and families and individuals for that matter =]
Here’s to making a difference.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ”
from psalm 68
Amen Linus! I’m with Isaiah, being a childless woman, ready to enlarge the place of my tent to accommodate the children
“sometimes i think the quality that should characterise a church, is ‘being a good place to be’, I know this doesn’t appear to hold up doctrine and tradition” Subo, 19.
Although it might not be the tradition, it certainly is doctrine that church should be good news, a good place to be. As many churches are doing, we can run mum and toddlers for teenage mums, inviting them to lunch, babysitting while they go for a swim, etc etc? The church functions best as family in a practical sense I think, and that tells our message of hope as clearly as any sermon could.
I always think of ‘show and tell’ as a good metaphor – ‘show’ the love of Jesus first, then we can tell later if its still necessary or anyone asks us.
awesome!
I’m sure I am not alone when I look at a new born in utter amazement, and think, “God, how on earth did you do THAT?”
Perhaps too often the church overlooks the miracle, the glory, the wonder, and important bit…. and acts to condemn (as if the church doesn’t have enough condemnation as it is(!)).
We’re supposed to be living under a new covenant of grace…. thus no longer bound by religiousness and law (which I think is actually much harder – a massive topic, perhaps not for now).
Well done Jon. Thanks for highlighted that the ways of God, are altogether different to ours.
Very refreshing!
PS – I only speak from experience from churches I’ve known, or heard testimonies of.
I’m sure (at least I hope) many/most churches do not condemn others so quickly!
)
thanks krowe. some do, some don’t in my experience. it only ever takes one or two people to ruin something good. gossip being the worst of all trends. i feel a cartoon coming on.
Unfortunately the diocesan assassin is quite pricey…
*squarks and leaps up and down excitedly*
*points at brunettekoala*
omgosh TWLOHA!!!
(well…i ASSUME that’s what’s going on there…)
currently a girl in my year (year 11), who i’m worried will be a bad mother, is pregnant and my friend (also year 11) is waiting to take her 3rd pregnancy test to see if she’s actually pregnant or not (she’s had one positive one nagative. hm :S)
i’m not really sure how to tell her that even if her mum does kill her that heaven rejoyces over a new baby…
bless you emie.
Here in the US, it depends on the context. I know a couple who are infertile, who extended their love (and home) to a pregnant girl from a good Christian home. The woman could not face her family or her Christian school should she start to show – the tragedy was that she couldn’t go through the pregnancy, so she decided to abort. So, yes, in 2009, there are people that will shame you if you show. For whatever reason, this girl chose not to live with my friends who were willing to help her start a new life in more ways than one.
37. Becky,
Context is really the issue. I know many churches that support and care for young people in this situation. Shame is not something that is tolerated.
But I have heard some horror stories in other places.
love it.
and teenagers make fine parents, have done for centuries.
Really? Since what year?
“Really? Since what year?” since the birth of humanity zefi.
bad parents have also existed too, going back generations, all ages.
being ‘teenage’ doesn’t make you a good or bad parent. cirumstance, family, friendships, background, experience etc… etc… etc… all have a big part to play.
And wouldn’t it be more helpful to note the difference in the now culture and the then culture?
For example, abortion was not a very debatable issue then because a woman’s worth is in her ability to bear child, and there’s not much premarital sex because of their shame-honour thingy. (Sorry that the examples seem to emphasize more on women. You know how patriarchal the societies are last time. Well, most of em anyway)
I just think that to compare directly, without taking account of the difference in culture and societal context of the older civilization is a mistake of presentism
It’s like saying Christianity supports slavery just cos Paul used it as an analogy. Or something like that.
Zefi abortion has happened since the beginning of time too.
Do I think being a teenage parent is difficult? Yes.
Do I think being a parent is difficult no matter what age you are? Yes.
I know several ‘teenage mums’ (no longer teenagers now, but they were when they had their first kid(s) ) and their kids are thriving. They’ve been great parents. It may not have been their ideal situation for entering parenthood but they’ve done a terrific job so far – and they’ve done this living alone and with extremely low income.
I also know lots of people who became parents as teenager for whom this is not the case. However the reasons they have struggled have been as Jon says because of other factors – usually childhood experiences and the level of support around them.
Emie – if you’re in the UK can I recommend going to http://www.careconfidential.com – there are support centres that provide information and support as well as free pregnancy testing across the country that may be able to offer help and advice to your friend without judgment.
**steps back onto her soapbox**
I’ve also noticed lots of you saying that you’d like to support people in pregnancy crisis or parents with little support around them.
Can I also recommend finding out if there is a CareConfidential centre near you? These centres need the support of people to help fundraise to keep them running, to have people trained in counselling for pregnancy crisis, miscarriage, pre- and post-abortion support, donations of baby clothes, maternity clothes and equipment for families in need of them and people willing to offer practical support to families.
**steps back off soapbox**
I shared my own personal story of becoming pregnant on my old blog a while ago – you can find it on http://brunettekoala.wordpress.com
ah.
i supose i thought i’d comment because (like many others) I have been both pregnant and a teenager.
But hey, no worries.
Still love the cartoon, it turns all our ideas upside down and shakes us up a little. And we all need that every now and then.
I’m 23, so not a teenager but am currently 16 weeks pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy.
As a ‘backsliden’ Christian (but wanting to get back on track) I have hugely struggled with people’s reactions.
The weight of what I’ve done weighs heavily on my shoulders along with the pain I have caused people. But I have asked for Gods forgiveness and by his Grace I can know peace in my heart again, and be excited about the baby he is knitting together in my womb… despite the circumstances.
Telling my parents was hellish, my dad has been amazing but my Mum took it very badly and still is struggling being round me. I totally understand why she is like this, but Jesus died for people like me, he served the broken and the messed up, the people who made the biggest mistakes in life.
I find it sad when Christians can be SO judgemental. But I’m also having to come to terms with it as well, and remain positive while I remember that the only opinion that matters is Gods! And heaven is rejoicing.
I can highly recommend careconfidential, I emailed them as soon as I found out and found them immensely helpful and impartial. Exactly what you need at times like this.
bless you for posting……..
@Maharani – thank you for posting. I’m really glad to hear that you’ve felt supported by CC. Will be praying for you (and your baby). You already show much more courage than I have ever had. Bless ya sister!
thank you for these last few posts. i’m in awe of you all. i posted this cartoon full well knowing this is a complex and very real issue for people. thank you for the honesty and the wisdom. careconfidential sounds excellent.
BK I think you do yourself a disservice – I’ve wandered on to your blog from here and also from Al’s site a few times and i think some of what you’ve blogged must have taken loads of courage to say so publicly – props! And its a great blog btw.
TWLOHA is, indeed, ace!
Emie, Maharani: You guys are great. God loves ya. Will try to pray for you and yer friends. Peace =]
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