My late father was a priest/college professor. He had a gig at a rehab center every other Sunday and told us we had to go because there was a free Sunday buffet aftewards. I’ve also was promised candy on more than one occasion if I made it through church without hitting my brother. No wonder I have a sweet tooth.
This happened to us recently with our 13 year old. Makes life interesting when you are the minister. I tried to explain the existential importance of worshipping the reality who is the ground of our being but for some reason he still didn’t get it.:)
Comment by Andrew Sillis — October 1, 2009 @ 8:50 am
beat me to it Andrew & rocking Rev. This rev long ago decided that I wouldn’t make my teenagers come with me. Dont’ want to permanently put them off God!
Comment by gloriousthings — October 1, 2009 @ 9:29 am
I see others got there first, but ‘Because your dad is the pastor’ was often tha answer for me. Actually, he’d ask the question himself frequently.
When I attended Junior Church, the sessions were routinely disrupted by young people who clearly didn’t want to be there; they attended only because either their parents insisted they attend, or simply because their parents attended church and brought them along as well. One of the most disruptive of all was the daughter of the minister! (The minister insisted she attended church until she was 16, then gave her the choice of whether to attend or not; unsurprisingly, I never saw her again after that).
This does sound like a recipe for putting children and young people off churchgoing, which is likely to follow to them being put off Christianity as well.
The 101 Survivor’s Guide to the Church defines Sunday School as a “therapy group for victims of parental churchgoing”.
BTW, you might be wondering whether I was attending Junior Church because of parental churchgoing. Actually, my parents didn’t go to church at all (and still don’t) — I went without them.
Rebecca – Don’t be too hard on her. It is really difficult for most clergy kids. They have people judging them all the time and it isn’t their job they are being judged by.
Actually, what we have done is that because my older son is a drummer he comes to church and plays for the opening two songs so that he is there for the children’s bit and then he goes home. My nine year old has been scouted by a footbal team so he is footballing in the morning but my wife runs a special sunday school for sports folk called cross-training in the evening which he comes to. We use a lot of stuff by Christians – in – sport which they all really enjoy. We now have more kids at night than in the morning, 90% of whom were unchurched before they started coming to this.
Quite often for us it is me who doesn’t want to go (many previous comments!) but darling daughter (nearly 9) needs “space” too on a Sunday. She goes to a local church club midweek after school so tends to view that as her “church attendance” and was once heard to state (you need to imagine this in Glaswegian accent, it’s more funny) “I’ve been to two Christian meetings this week, I’m not going to anymore! Couldn’t put it better myself!
Jon this made me CRY and made me LAUGH, what a lovely way of illustrating a sensitive issue (well with me anyway) my son has given up on church “its crap” in his view but I know he hasnt given up on god.
My kids only asked me that question once and I said no you dont, he voted with his feet and it hurts like mad but dont tell him because I would never want to pressure him into going.
I went to a kind of school that forced me to go to church sunday by sunday in term time
but it did not do me any lasting damage since I’m now a Christian and feel completely at ease about not going to church…
this does raise problems about meeting up with fellow Christians, and I don’t think that I’ve got it right yet, but having folk round for meals and helping with bedtime for large families of youngsters seems to be more worthwhile a more real sharing of fellowship.
My kids (14, 12, 10 and 9) love church. I suspect, though, it’s at least 50% because they have a great old time there with all their pals. When we take them to church on holiday they are very very superior and dismissive and NEVER EVER like it, which again I put down to the social life side of it being important to them. Which is fine. It’s important to me too, although I like to call it fellowship
By the way 14, 12, 10 and 9 are my kids ages, not their names. That would be a bit weird, even for the grandchildren of a maths teacher.
annedroid… hahaha! ;lol: my sister has six children… i kind of wish she had numbered them… mind you, i’d probably still get their numbers wrong.
dennis… thanks for the kind comment. i guess you are not alone in experiencing this kind of sadness, but i don’t suppose that helps. my lovely mum never quite grasped why i stopped going to services… in my case it was mainly boredom… i think, looking back, it made her feel a little sad.. but like you, with your lad, she was confident in my faith and understood something of my heart.
hazel… not even nine and attending two meetings a week!? now i feel ashamed!
I haven’t got any kids, but my husband and I have decided that when we do we want them to make their own choices. I agree with Dennis (lovely story by the way; I admire your strength and hope I can follow it when the time comes) and have always found a tendency in myself that if something is forced I don’t want to do it. Therefore our plan is to give them the choice and let God guide them. Church is not the only way to worship and I want my kids to feel comfortable and free to explore their spirituality… of course I can say that now, I don’t have to worry about it for several years yet!
sorry, I can’t resist adding a shameless plug for those of you who might like a change of scenery from the usual car window. and an opportunity to raise some cash for a great cause at the same time – wishing i could join this one
Ohh, the lives of parents of inquisitive children – wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
Comment by Forrest — October 1, 2009 @ 4:01 am
My late father was a priest/college professor. He had a gig at a rehab center every other Sunday and told us we had to go because there was a free Sunday buffet aftewards. I’ve also was promised candy on more than one occasion if I made it through church without hitting my brother. No wonder I have a sweet tooth.
Comment by becky — October 1, 2009 @ 5:21 am
I meant afterwards.
Comment by becky — October 1, 2009 @ 5:21 am
Of course it might be the parents saying ‘do we have to go to church?’!
Comment by Pat — October 1, 2009 @ 7:38 am
This happened to us recently with our 13 year old. Makes life interesting when you are the minister. I tried to explain the existential importance of worshipping the reality who is the ground of our being but for some reason he still didn’t get it.:)
Comment by rockingRev — October 1, 2009 @ 7:42 am
rockingRev – I suggest you just stick to the ‘because I say so’ routine next time
Comment by Pat — October 1, 2009 @ 7:59 am
it grinds, .. that sun morning is as stressi as mon – fri,
especially as my sat shift can be the most stressi of the wk, and how I’d love Sun to be a traffic free space!
and yet, the love from the church mob’s an awesome antidote to a week of working in a competative environment
Comment by subo — October 1, 2009 @ 8:33 am
“… because you’re the Vicar”
Comment by Andrew Sillis — October 1, 2009 @ 8:50 am
beat me to it Andrew & rocking Rev. This rev long ago decided that I wouldn’t make my teenagers come with me. Dont’ want to permanently put them off God!
Comment by gloriousthings — October 1, 2009 @ 9:29 am
I see others got there first, but ‘Because your dad is the pastor’ was often tha answer for me. Actually, he’d ask the question himself frequently.
Comment by Andy in GErmany — October 1, 2009 @ 11:12 am
Have you been hiding in my car again Jon?
Comment by AndyP — October 1, 2009 @ 12:17 pm
“because I’m the vicar…..”
Comment by Robb — October 1, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
Should always read comments before I duplicate other people
Comment by Robb — October 1, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
It’s a great joke though Robb, I think it bears repeating!
Comment by Sophie — October 1, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
But Robb you like Fresh Expressions and that’s just duplicating other people!
Comment by duttyo — October 1, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
When I attended Junior Church, the sessions were routinely disrupted by young people who clearly didn’t want to be there; they attended only because either their parents insisted they attend, or simply because their parents attended church and brought them along as well. One of the most disruptive of all was the daughter of the minister! (The minister insisted she attended church until she was 16, then gave her the choice of whether to attend or not; unsurprisingly, I never saw her again after that).
This does sound like a recipe for putting children and young people off churchgoing, which is likely to follow to them being put off Christianity as well.
The 101 Survivor’s Guide to the Church defines Sunday School as a “therapy group for victims of parental churchgoing”.
BTW, you might be wondering whether I was attending Junior Church because of parental churchgoing. Actually, my parents didn’t go to church at all (and still don’t) — I went without them.
Comment by rebecca — October 1, 2009 @ 4:36 pm
Duttyo – If I didn’t know you better I would take you seriously
Better go back to my duplication of tasks
Comment by Robb — October 1, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Rebecca – Don’t be too hard on her. It is really difficult for most clergy kids. They have people judging them all the time and it isn’t their job they are being judged by.
Comment by Robb — October 1, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
Actually, what we have done is that because my older son is a drummer he comes to church and plays for the opening two songs so that he is there for the children’s bit and then he goes home. My nine year old has been scouted by a footbal team so he is footballing in the morning but my wife runs a special sunday school for sports folk called cross-training in the evening which he comes to. We use a lot of stuff by Christians – in – sport which they all really enjoy. We now have more kids at night than in the morning, 90% of whom were unchurched before they started coming to this.
Comment by rockingRev — October 1, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
Quite often for us it is me who doesn’t want to go (many previous comments!) but darling daughter (nearly 9) needs “space” too on a Sunday. She goes to a local church club midweek after school so tends to view that as her “church attendance” and was once heard to state (you need to imagine this in Glaswegian accent, it’s more funny) “I’ve been to two Christian meetings this week, I’m not going to anymore! Couldn’t put it better myself!
Comment by Hazel — October 1, 2009 @ 6:30 pm
Jon this made me CRY and made me LAUGH, what a lovely way of illustrating a sensitive issue (well with me anyway) my son has given up on church “its crap” in his view but I know he hasnt given up on god.
My kids only asked me that question once and I said no you dont, he voted with his feet and it hurts like mad but dont tell him because I would never want to pressure him into going.
Comment by dennis the mennis — October 1, 2009 @ 7:22 pm
#21 dennis, what a moving story, thanks
and RockingRev (#19) what a great idea
I went to a kind of school that forced me to go to church sunday by sunday in term time
but it did not do me any lasting damage since I’m now a Christian and feel completely at ease about not going to church…
this does raise problems about meeting up with fellow Christians, and I don’t think that I’ve got it right yet, but having folk round for meals and helping with bedtime for large families of youngsters seems to be more worthwhile a more real sharing of fellowship.
Comment by Caroline Too — October 1, 2009 @ 9:01 pm
You do, because I’ll miss you if you’re not there.
Comment by ED... (who blogs at Sincere Ignorance and Conscientious Stupidity) — October 1, 2009 @ 9:54 pm
My kids (14, 12, 10 and 9) love church. I suspect, though, it’s at least 50% because they have a great old time there with all their pals. When we take them to church on holiday they are very very superior and dismissive and NEVER EVER like it, which again I put down to the social life side of it being important to them. Which is fine. It’s important to me too, although I like to call it fellowship
By the way 14, 12, 10 and 9 are my kids ages, not their names. That would be a bit weird, even for the grandchildren of a maths teacher.
Comment by AnneDroid — October 1, 2009 @ 10:06 pm
annedroid… hahaha! ;lol: my sister has six children… i kind of wish she had numbered them… mind you, i’d probably still get their numbers wrong.
dennis… thanks for the kind comment. i guess you are not alone in experiencing this kind of sadness, but i don’t suppose that helps. my lovely mum never quite grasped why i stopped going to services… in my case it was mainly boredom… i think, looking back, it made her feel a little sad.. but like you, with your lad, she was confident in my faith and understood something of my heart.
hazel… not even nine and attending two meetings a week!? now i feel ashamed!
Comment by jonbirch — October 1, 2009 @ 11:53 pm
I married a vicars kid. She has all sorts of tales about how hard it is.
She voted with her feet and went to a variety of different churches in the local area.
Comment by Robb — October 2, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
I haven’t got any kids, but my husband and I have decided that when we do we want them to make their own choices. I agree with Dennis (lovely story by the way; I admire your strength and hope I can follow it when the time comes) and have always found a tendency in myself that if something is forced I don’t want to do it. Therefore our plan is to give them the choice and let God guide them. Church is not the only way to worship and I want my kids to feel comfortable and free to explore their spirituality… of course I can say that now, I don’t have to worry about it for several years yet!
Comment by Rosslyn — October 5, 2009 @ 4:35 pm
sorry, I can’t resist adding a shameless plug for those of you who might like a change of scenery from the usual car window. and an opportunity to raise some cash for a great cause at the same time – wishing i could join this one
http://www.londonbikeride.com/
Comment by subo — October 12, 2009 @ 10:01 pm