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some of my family don’t speak to me cause they weren’t invited
As someone who got married with no money instead of waiting until “we could afford it” and who later had kids with no money instead of waiting until “we could afford it” and who still has no money but is happily married with three little girls… Getting married is absolutely not about money.
Now if marriage (and/or the wedding) is part of some fantasy utopia you’ve built up in your head, then keep waiting until you have enough money, but keep some money aside to pay the lawyers for your divorce when life isn’t the utopia you were waiting for.
I’d expect they know the details of their situation better than anyone else, except God.
My wife and I got married, with very little parental help, 2 months after graduating.
It really isn’t about money!
I agree, weddings aren’t always about the money. I’ve seen some pretty awesome weddings on a miniscule budget.
However… I think this is a good issue that goes beyond weddings. As someone who’s been fortunate enough to grow up without being in need, I don’t have a desire for lots of money. I’d sooner work part time, live in a small house and have time to enjoy my life. But people I meet who have always had very little, rarely share my opinion and instead want to earn the money so they can give their kids all the things/experiences that they never had.
My favourite childhood film was Harriet the Spy (I wanted to BE her!) Harriet’s very wealthy, and she has a friend, Sport, who’s very poor. This cartoon reminded me of a scene from there and I’ve been very sad and looked it up on imdb.com
Harriet: I hate money
Sport: You’d like it a lot more if you didn’t have any
Which side do you think has the more accurate point of view here?
(that was pretty long-winded, sorry)
Depends who your really trying to impress I guess!
so many expectations
I heard a statistic that can’t be backed up with a reference, so take it as you will!
Apparently for the poorest 20% of people in a particular culture money CAN make you happier. For the other 80% it has a neutral, or opposite, effect.
It’s true that getting married isn’t about money, but the fact is that people *expect* something of a wedding day. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, ‘everyone’s coming to see *you* get married, it isn’t about the champagne or the napkins or the flowers, it’s about the commitment you’re making to each other’ etc.
Well, all of that is well and good to say, but in reality there’s a great deal of pressure on engaged couples to put on a nice day for their friends and family (even if that pressure only comes from the couple themselves).
Geting married is most definitely not about money and yet the average wedding spend in the UK is £11,000. Miriworm has it in this respect.
Does staying married require money?
hayles hits in on the head. plus, in order for a wedding to cost little and to still be able to offer hospitality to guests requires quite a network of willing friends.
themethatisme… i’ve found money to be of great use in my marriage. it stops me from having to live my marriage on the streets.
youthworkerpete. i must say, those stats don’t surprise me at all.
A beautiful young woman who is very dear to me worked very hard for years to save up for the ‘perfect’ wedding. A lovely day was had by all. The honeymoon in the Maldives swiftly followed. The marriage was over before they got back into the UK. Truth be told, the relationship, from the husband’s point of view, must have been over long before the wedding. When people get carried away with elaborate arrangements for the monumental event that the modern wedding has become that it is hard to stop and recognise the warning signs…it is simply easier to go along with what has been arranged. He announced on the honeymoon that he just didn’t love her anymore. Now, about 3 years after the event, this young woman is still trying to claw her way back from depression and anxiety attacks to her former levels of self-esteem, destroyed as she was by her totally unexpected marital breakdown.
For myself, I prefered renewing my vows at 25 years of marriage to my actual wedding day. I’d been to work that day, got off early, invited a few friends and family to evening mass at my local church. We wrote prayers as a family and my daughters did readings. A family friend who is a bit of a thesp read a lovely Shakespeare sonnet. Then back to the house for some bubbly and nibbles. All very low key and casual. It was fab. We understood more of what it is about after doing the job for a few years!
To of my friends got married in church and had a reception for about 100 people for less than 1000 pounds. The whole church gathered round a made the food, decorated the hall (which was given by the church for free). It really isn’t about money. You can have a ceremony alone for 300 quid if you’re a member of that church.
tallandrew… £1000 is still a lot of money. or am i being old fashioned and miserly?
carole… i enjoyed my wedding day and i really enjoyed renewing our vows. both were lovely. same problem with both though… not enough time spent really chatting with all those people i love so much.
Jon @16 = for which we were all very thankful!
I still loved driving you around Bath showing you off to the world! All always makes me smile.
I was so proud of my son and daughter in law for the way the organised their wedding..
they cut corners, they and friends did decorations, invites and service cards were made by Pat and Fay, whereever they could they saved money, so that what they did have they could spend celebrating with their friends and family…
I think that the joy and smiles covered up any lack of grandness, it was great
oh, Carol. your friends story is heart-breaking.
I think we have so much to grapple with in our culture – and the commercially driven magazine world exploits the difference between men and women to maximum advantage for the sales of goods, it’s a world away from my Grandparents, who just spent 7 years saving up for a home before they could get married.
I think it’s harder for my generation to build a sense of self in a culture where everything is ‘photo-shopped’ with heightened colour, and to gain confidence in relating to the other sex. I have fond memories of visiting Poland on a Taize trip, just after the wall fell, and enjoying the hospitality of the closely bonded communities, and wish it was possible to belong to a community with the depth of love, understanding and potential to create new things.
When we got married we were so skint we didnt have enough to even pay the gas bill let alone eat.
We managed to get married on a budget of about £150 which fed 250 guests thanks to our Young People who were studying catering. Sha paid for her dress weekly out of her wages.
It was the most amazing day of my life and if it wasn’t for our friends it would not have happened.
I cant believe what people pay for their weddings now.
Just from posts:
‘The whole church gathered round a made the food, decorated the hall (which was given by the church for free)’
‘they and friends did decorations, invites and service cards were made by Pat and Fay’
‘It was the most amazing day of my life and if it wasn’t for our friends it would not have happened.’
It’s evident that these bride and grooms had a network of people willing to help out on their big day. Not everyone is so blessed to have a community like this, and these days most people live far away from friends and family (and that in itself causes lots of extra costs!) If people are travelling from far away (abroad, for instance), you want to go to extra effort to look after them and make sure the 11 hour plane journey was worth the while! For people without a community willing to decorate, cook, dress and entertain, this means paying quite a lot of money for other people to do it for you.
Has anyone encountered Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? The basic concept is that: needs are ranked depending on how fundamental they are (starting with the need for oxygen, then water, food, warmth etc), and then the lowest unfulfilled level of need is the one which acts as a motivator. This probably sounds like something which might be studied as part of an MBA (how do you motivate your staff?) and indeed it is, but it has profound implications for many other situations, ranging from evangelism (it’s no good preaching salvation to people who are more interested in ensuring their children have enough food today) to planning meetings (don’t expect attendees to give full attention to your meeting if they are too cold).
But once a need is met, it ceases to be a motivator. So when somebody has enough resources to meet their basic needs, they will no longer be motivated by their basic needs.
So what am I getting at? It’s actually quite reasonable for somebody who has enough money to forget that people who have less money may treat it as a motivator. (How much is enough? Discuss). It’s always a good idea to be sensitive to other people’s needs and motivators.
And speaking of being sensitive, I hope that no chick-lit author ever gets her hands on Carole’s friend’s story. I can see the story receiving some really insensitive treatment!
The trouble with Maslow is it assumes a directional progression…and whilst I would endorse your comment on evangelising the impoverished I would not agree that just because someone is hungry that they are devoid of spiritual need. All of Maslows expressed needs are present in all human beings at all times only context makes one or the other more pressing in a specific instance…and the only reason for having meetings in cold places is to ensure that they don’t go on too long!
The extremely, seriously rich would also suggest that ‘having enough’ does not mean that money ceases to be a motivator. Look up Thorsten Veblen and ‘conspicuous consumption’.
My church just paid for it when someone said that to us…
It costs £77 to get married (I got this info from http://www.direct.gov.uk ) in a registry office.
It may cost more to ‘have a wedding’ – but you don’t need to to be married. Yes, people like to have a religious ceremony/party/dress etc, but, after all, if you don’t get married you don’t have those things either! So you’re no worse off by having a basic wedding.