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=]
Is that true?
This is exactly what I need to say to some of my friends. You’ve summed it up perfectly.
i like this …
Anytime, Jon, anytime. And thank YOU
why do bullies act all hurt when you didn’t tell them you thought they were bullies?
On bullies etc – came across this recently and wondered what other Asbo’s think about it (nb the blog referred to is not Asbo J)
Your boss could be a sociopath. No, really.
By Toni Bowers
April 12, 2011, 9:04 AM PDT
Takeaway: An author says that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths and many of them are managers.
I have a pretty high tolerance for your basic run-of-the-mill nut. From “High Priest Warlocks” like Charlie Sheen to people who, with the right type of aluminum foil hats, can channel their dead poodles, it’s all good.
What scares me are the people who maintain a semblance of normalcy and are out there wreaking subtle havoc on the world.
That’s why the premise of The Sociopath Next Door, a book by Martha Stout, gives me the major creeps. Stout claims that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths who have no empathy or affectionate feelings for humans or animals and that a high proportion of them are found in management positions. Sociopaths (or the more politically correct term, someone with antisocial personality disorder) show a lack of regret in their actions, with a common trait being the violation of the rights of others.
This book was brought to my attention by a friend of mine in response to my telling her about one of my son’s friends being bullied at work by her boss. I don’t know if Stout’s 4% metric is accurate but I know that I hear an awful lot from readers of this blog who are dealing with bosses that I believe could be characterized as sociopaths.
cheers goodfield, that might be essential reading – yep, tones of bullying goes on in workplaces
i’ve spent some time working on how I deal with hurtful behaviour from others, as seem to get loads, (i’d rename the ’4%’ to ‘everyone’s life challenge’ – find out how to deal with bullies)
i find i waste ages looking over what i might have done to cause the situation, – what did i say?, now i still catch myself doing this, not only is it a waste of time, it gives the bullies more time to keep at you.
recently i read bullies bank on you forgiving them, – another reason to stop saying sorry, taking the blame or saying don’t worry about it. now i tell people ‘that hurt,’ before saying anything about forgiving anyone.
but i guess i think bullies don’t realise they’re causing so much pain, i think they’re often idealistic visionaries who think their gifted to change the world
- just reviewing the cartoon – why do i think it’s sarcastic, & don’t expect it to be real?
Friendship like cartoon depicts this is a gift to be treasured, and can sometimes be found in unexpected places. Bullies / sociopaths / abusers are living out the polar opposite of this kind of trusting relationship.
To be fair, I have never found myself to be the victim of a bully boss. However, I know they exist. I have heard behaviours described by those close to me and I recognise these as bullying behaviours. The most sinister aspect of it, and I have observed this at close quarters, is that the bully chooses their victim with care. They don’t bully everyone, just certain individuals. I think some may be unwitting bullies, perhaps, but many gain a sense of power and gratification from the act of bullying – the workplace becomes no better than the school yard. I find this tendency more prevalent in recent years and I think this may have something to do with people confusing bullying with having an assertive management style. A good manager motivates (encourages) and wins staff over to their vision. The poor manager fails to realise that a happy workforce is his/her greatest asset and tends to browbeat staff into submission. I have noted that the assertive/aggressive style is becoming more prevalent – as is exemplified in TV programmes such as The Apprentice, Dragon’s Den and just about anything with Gordon Ramsey.
Hey Jon
This seems like a good time to make my reappearance.
It’s Sarah here, you know the woman who used to spread the love. And then I left because I was stupid and got offended by one of your toons.
Because I was so scared because I was living with an abusive **** of a husband.
But I’ve left him now and I hope you will forgive me because I’d like to say Hi to you again.
I miss you and the camaraderie we always used to have on these pages.
I have recently come to the realisation that I am a Witch going way back, so it’s quite a-propos that we should be discussing these things on a site that’s so open.
Blessed be,
And I hope to hear from you.
With love,
Sarah x
Jon – of all the emails, texts, and phone calls I’ve had with you – this is all I’ve ever been meaning to say all along. You’re amazing man – and thanks for finally getting my words out. x
oh, sarahboo & Carol, just lovely to read you thoughts, thank you
yep, Jon, you might just be an amazing man, keep chipping away
& Hi Sarah, good to hear from you, good to see you on asbo again
here’s to chillin and being open to who we are, just bein’ truly with u
and true to ourselves
SAAAAARAAAAH!!!!! YAY!!!!! hello sweetheart!.. you’ve been truly missed! truthfully wondered where you’d got to. but well happy you’re back! much love.
x
rowsiff… actually i’m pretty selfish.
but seriously (although i am selfish) i can easily say the same about you. the friendship i have with you is just like the one in the cartoon from my point of view too and i miss the weekly seeing you in person with a hard to describe ache. not nice having a chosen brother so far away… i’m never going to get used to it. i love you that much. x
sarahboo… agreed.
carole… i find it a bit upsetting that some of the most popular telly is based on bullying. it’s not something that as a nation we should be proud of.
subo… interesting point about idealistic visionaries and bullying.
i think i shall do a cartoon immediately on it. btw. i think you’re brilliant! x
I’ve looked at this toon again and again and it still makes me squirm. I realised I didn’t feel like that about anybody, and then after a bit I realised its probably because I’m not that open or trusting with anyone, not even nearest and dearests. Hmm, very thought provoking and aggravating, thanks
wow, cheers for the compliment Jon
& hiya Kim – hope yr not too hard on yrself, life goes through all kinds of seasons, it’s ok to just be where we are and find the thing we need just now
sometimes we feel uncomfortable with people for a good reason, sometimes we find we feel more secure about ourselves and take things in our stride – but life comes with grief and complexity