okay… i think it’s fair to say that when one is reduced to making cartoons about ones own blog stats maybe one isn’t firing on all four cylinders. :-)
because of my workload and because i need to refresh and recharge i am taking a few days off.
so here’s the deal… if you’re up for it…
pretend the guy in the cartoon is you (gals, i’m sorry, but men are quicker to draw… i’ll do a woman next time… please, i beg you to join in too) and have yourself a jolly good rant! i’d be fascinated to know what’s floating your boat or boiling your blood. the rants i deem to be the most entertaining or thought provoking will get the asbo treatment and then we can discuss the themes in more detail… thus we’ll have some cartoons on agendas set by you, the faithful F.A.O.’s (friends of asbo).
with a few days out i know i’ll come back to this blog fresh, creative and energetic (or at least as close as i ever get :-) )
last time you blew me away with your ideas, thoughts and jokes… this time i’m counting on you to help me re-find my mojo. :-)
so, please… on any topic… shoot from the hip and clue me in on what’s relevant.
i reckon i’ll be back at the weekend, so in the meantime… thank you for making this blog what it has been up to now… thank you for allowing me the privilege of your company… it is you who have made this and go on making this blog a worthwhile and fulfilling pursuit. much love. jx

okay… go for it! :-)

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About jonbirch

animator, illustrator, character designer, graphic designer. music producer/recording musician. co-owner of PROOST.
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164 Responses to Another COMPETITION!

  1. dadube says:

    I’m first to comment – woo-hoo!!!!The only thing I have to rant about right now is being pregnant and feeling sick 24/7 – its totally pants and I miss alcohol! But I couldn’t resist being first on the soap box. Little rant over :)

  2. Taleah says:

    long time lurker, first time poster (I always wanted to say that!). I’m part of a baby church, and we have lots of people telling us how great our vision is, our ministries are and so on. Down to a man, they say they’d like to help. Then when we lay out what’s needed to continue (especially money), everyone steps back and twiddles their thumbs. it’s not their job, they don’t feel called, they don’t have time/money/etc. time to put their treasure where their talk is. /end soapbox.

  3. eclexia says:

    My favorite (or at least my current) internal rants:

    Rant #1: Church. I think it would be easier all around if we all thought about Sunday church as like a Homeowner’s Association Meeting (Is that what you call them in the UK?). It would lower our expectations for that Sunday meeting and free us to receive the things it is good at without having to be so critical of what it isn’t (which shouldn’t be the point). And it also would free us up to connect to people and do the rest of the roles of the Body of Christ (including worship, teaching, admonishing, encouraging, etc.) the rest of the week.

    Rant #2: Is it the Holy Spirit or is it something (e.g. music or memory, etc.) or someone else pushing all the right emotional buttons to leave me feeling moved.

    Rant #3: Anti-Intellectualism (and why I’m against it, why it is inconsistent and why it is, in my opinion, a sin). I’ve got my rant on this already drafted and ready to post on Monday (when other people actually start reading blogs again :) )

  4. Justin Anthony Knapp says:

    It seems like you can get something good out of Matthew 25:40 – “Whatever ye do unto the least of these, ye do also unto Me.”

    I have: ignored You, mocked You, reviled You, walked to the other side of the street to avoid You, lied to You, withheld my compassion from You, etc.


  5. jody says:


    one bugbear, which is not much to do with ‘church’, but is more the ‘middle-class’ thing going on – is how parents (of which I am one) compete using their children

    when my oldest (7) was born I had a friend who would ring me up to tell me what her treasure had done/said/made that day, it was so difficult to extract myself from those type of conversations and not respond with how fantastic my daughter was at this that or the other.

    hmmm. in the church context children are quite often ignored unless they serve a purpose to the adults – wheel them out so that we can all go ‘aaaah aren’t they cute’ and then put them back in their boxes….

    I’m also interested about how some churches compete on the level of how great their youth work is (I’ve been a volunteer youth worker, so don’t get me wrong I think it’s valuable and important) I imagine a conversation in which one person is going on about youth work to the other who thinks ‘we have no youth work’ and in the background all the older folk are having a whale of a time :-) that would make me happy

  6. helen says:

    Nitpicking Christians! The Bible tells us that if we “Believe in the Lord Jesus, we will be saved” But we can not resist in breaking it down further, and then informing various groups that it doesn’t include them. When will Christians (of all denominations) realise that we all share the basic tenants of faith, and stop competing with each other, or beating each other up. We should remember the words “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
    When it comes down to it we are all sinners, only Christ lived the perfect life, and all we can do is our best to walk in his light day by day. We would find it easier if we helped each other rather than splintering into a multitude of arguing groups.
    Rant over. please be assured that whatever your belief I love you all.

  7. Laura says:

    My rant of the day is about people who are just mean. Those that go after everyone else and try to show how incompetent they are. I want to shout….

    STOP IT!!! You are highly annoying, you’re pissing everyone off…and NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!!!!

    Whew….actually…that does feel better…thanks….

    steps off soapbox and carries on.

  8. Here are my favourite Christian chat up lines.

    The Lord told me… so it has to be true.

    Can I tell you something in Love……

    Maybe you need deliverance…..

    What would Jesus do…….

    Are you saved……

    Do you speak in tongues….

    What sort of Christian are you…….

    How are you today………..

    There is nothing to pray about……..

    I want everyone in this place to close their eyes….

    Don’t fight the spirit just give in and come to the front………

    We have people here who can council you……….

    After the service there will be coffee and tea for those who can manage to drink it………

    If you just look at the screen my powerpoint presentation will change your life forever……..

    Does anyone know the hymn “For thou art a very difficult song to play on the guitar”…..

  9. ben says:

    i just cant handle it when you talk about a preacher who clearly has it all wrong and doesnt preach the message that the gospel tells us, but i am the problem because “we cant judge peoples hearts.” if they guy clearly is preaching a prosperity/gnostic gospel, they are a false prophet!

  10. soniamain says:

    My rant is evangelical speak – or as my husband describes ” speaking jellical”- it is so often judgemental, a mysterious code and make me want to punch people!.

    hope your alright Jon:)

  11. Dave says:

    Where do i begin….

    repetitive chorus strain…

    evangelicals who think they have just discovered social action…

    statements of faith (think i sent you an idea on this Jon!)

    patronising perspectives on ‘the poor’ or ‘the homeless’ or ‘the unsaved’ – well most things/statements that refer to people as ‘the…!’

    bigoted fundamentalism – in any faith group…

    polar neck sweaters…

    people who always have to end with a funny comment when writing lists!!!

    Cheers Jon – I feel much better now – dave :)

  12. soniamain says:

    Oh yes I so agree with your list Dave!

  13. becky says:

    Dave – good list – and Jon has pretty much covered my gripes re: the Religious Right here in the States and Richard Dawkins. :) But here are my gripes as they relate to select progressive/social activists. This is coming from the states, so I’m not sure how much of this translates across the pond.

    1. Forming what you claim is an “inclusive” group promoting unity, tolerance, diversity, etc. only to be very intolerant of anyone who disagrees with your point of view.

    2. Claiming that because Jesus rode a donkey, he must be a member of the Democratic Political Party or worse …
    2A – Claiming that unlike the people in group #2, you want to offer a prophetic nonpartisan voice that will unify people across all racial, economic, political lines, blah, blah, blah — but then you go off and blog on a partisan website or worse, endorse a candidate. It’s obvious from your actions that you are not welcoming to those who dare to differ from your party line.

    3. Implying that the rest of us are less holy than they are because their ministry to “the downtrodden” makes them out to be the next Mother Teresa.

    4. Leaders of advocacy groups that plan meetings, seminars, conferences, that seem designed more to give this elitist clique a chances to strut their stuff rather than to implement actual change.
    4a. What’s even worse are those who start up a grassroots advocacy group that they claim will have a communal vibe only to have it morph into a one person show that’s designed to launch their career as author/activist/spokesperson.

    5. Launching a social justice fair, festival, conference or some other gathering and then trying to market this as significant, historic, etc. as though you’re breaking new ground when what you’re doing is hosting yet another progressive Christian gathering (I wish most of the groups here in the states would follow the model of Greenbelt UK and just put on a party and invite people in to play.) It’s gotten to the point where select social activists can make a living organizing conferences (making sure they are one of the paid speakers of course), as well speaking at their friends’ events and then hawking their wares without ever having to actually to get their hands dirty.

    6. Going to protest rallies because it’s cool and a chance to score.

    7. Being kind to strangers but treating your peers like garbage.

    8. Wearing clothing from a native country and adopting the mannerisms and lingo of another culture thinking it makes you look like you have solidarity with the oppressed. But the people that actually wear these clothes as part of their culture giggle behind your back because you look ridiculous. (Here in the states watching some really white ministers try to do a hip-hop ministry can have everyone on the floor).

    I could come up with more but that’s enough for now.

  14. Christopher says:

    Is being anti-postmodern actually a postmodern stance?

  15. slowburn says:

    Definitely with Beckey (#13) on number 1.

    Strange isn’t it that if a new christian fad appears that claims to be X (e.g. ‘inclusive’, ‘word of god’, ‘purpose driven’, ‘the true faith’ etc) that it almost always turns out to be the exact opposite. Reminds me of politicians
    – must be due to the fallen nature.

  16. Katie says:

    The type of Christians who feel they’re so much better than everyone because they don’t get drunk/have sex/swear and are so quick to judge all those who do and claim them not to be ‘proper Christians’.

    Funnily enough, these tend to be the same people who will pick a fight about anything, ignore their friends when they’re in need, and just sit around with a holier-than-thou attitude.

    Being a Christian should be about what you do, not about what you go out of your way reminding people you don’t do.

    /slightly nonsensical rant :)

  17. Chris F says:

    Causing one of these little ones to sin.

    Christians, esp evangelicals, who are so sure they are right, who drive away the little ones – not just kids obviously, but of any age who are bewildered, confused, hurting, sad, simple, poor; often at an early stage in the seeking process.

    We should not use our “superiority” to look down on a little one.

    To use a phrase I’ve quoted before, we should not shoot our wounded.

  18. paul says:

    Gandhi said, ‘I like your Christ, but I don’t like your Christians; They are so unlike your Christ.’ Live the sermon on the mount, don’t just read it.

  19. Janelle says:

    Pastor B.Fundamental: “We preach the bible, the way it was meant to be.”

    Just like 30,000 other denominations in the U.S.

  20. My rants [today] are:

    1) Okay, the whole “I think therefore I am” was reductionist and way off beam. But we’ve got the point already. “I feel therefore I am” is not a balanced alternative. Stop getting so excited when people become intensely emotional during worship. It may well be the Holy Spirit at work but some of them have mental health problems and some of them are just having a REALLY bad day!

    2) And stop getting soooooo excited when people put their hands in the air, fall over, speak in a different language or get healed. No problem with any of those things per se. I actually think all four are good. It just gets to me when people rate churches (and the individuals who attend them) by the presence/absence of these things above other, infinately more important things. Grrrr.

    Anyway, I feel better now. Thanks :D
    I’m sure there’s more but that’ll do for now.

  21. drewman says:

    re: 5 youth work – just about to leave for a UK leaders conference on Monday. At some point there will be the “so, how many young people do you have in your work?”question – eeuuchh. It makes me really uncomfortable- like its ‘my’ work anyway!

    – When we do things as church for the sake of doing them. Have forgotten how they got started and do not want to consider how to stop them in case we upset someone!

    – I hate always having to be someone that I am not sure that I really am. I’m just not sure that I’m not either………..hmmmm.

  22. “Being a Christian should be about what you do, not about what you go out of your way reminding people you don’t do”

    Ha ha ha, Katie. Made me LOL. I know loads of people who do this all the time. :D

  23. Sam says:

    “One way.
    One way to heaven.
    Hold up high your hand.
    Free and forgiven.
    Children of the lamb.”
    -Larry Norman
    “Love, Baby, that’s where it’s at,”
    -The B-52s
    “God is love.”
    The Apostle John in 1 John.

  24. Robb says:

    Why is all our atonement theory based upon taking John 3:16 out of it’s context rather than John 3:17?

  25. Lori says:

    Helen, #6 took mine!! Thank you Helen, for getting that off my chest…

  26. Laura says:

    Sam…I thought that Larry Norman was something to rant about at first and I didn’t quite understand what your beef with him could be.
    Now, I see that you were just quoting him. LOL!

  27. Back for another vent…..

    I hate it when someone says “the bible makes it very clear that…..” (usually related to an issue that the bible oh so evidently isn’t crystal clear on – or christians wouldn’t have been arguing about it since the dawn of forever!

  28. Oh and…..

    “if you don’t attend a gathering on sunday then you’re not under any covering and there’s clearly something wrong with your walk with the LORD”

    This is usually supported by “let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing” with the word ‘some’ heavily emphasised.

  29. AND….

    a recent addition to my list of things that annoy me

    “The real church has no walls!”


  30. “the real church has no walls” annoys me especially when the person is really saying “you attend a church with walls therefore you cannot be part of the real church, I on the other hand do not so I am probably part of the real church” :/

  31. This ranting lark is fun :D

  32. Angryofsomewhere... says:

    Right, you asked for it. Wanna know what gets RIGHT up my nose? Bleedin’ perfect little Christian next door neighbours who seem to make a life’s work out of being the Flanders to our Simpsons! Always soddin’ smiling and never fighting. Doin’ “the Lord’s work” with the youth group – at their house, forgetting that they have neighbours just a mere brick wall away, trying to chill out on a Friday night and watch a bit of mind-numbing telly, ‘cept they can’t hear a damn thing because Karaoke or some other such noisy nonsense is reverberating through the foundations! If the noise isn’t irritating enough, there’s a bloody great trampoline in the garden so’s you can’t even see the telly without some pogo-ing nerdy Christian teenager gawping in at you in the comfort of your own living room! Ever wondered what it is like living next door to the Partridge Family? Hell on earth, that’s what it’s like! If it ain’t flutes or guitars or keyboards or some Darlene whatever-her-name-is wannabe warbling through the wall, it’s some embryonic Cozy effin’ Powell goin’ through the cacophonous rudiments – usually when you are trying to write an essay or summat!

    Though I do love them as my brothers and sisters in Christ…natch…what?…what?

  33. slowburn says:

    Maybe you should start a new site called ‘Rant Space’ Jon, or someone :-)

  34. AnneDroid says:

    (1) Lack of unity makes me mad, and sad. Helen #6 and Lori #25 – we have unity there.

    (2) Too much moaning against the Church makes me mad and sad (constructive criticism’s ok but not just endless judgemental whining). I imagine Jesus saying, “Oi you. Shut up! That’s my wife!”

    (3) Prosperity theologians and tv evangelists (aka fraudsters) who give Christians a bad name.

    (4) Bigotry (protestant v. catholic is a big thing in the west of Scotland where I hail from) – I suppose that’s a subset of (1). Actually it’s a tribal thing and most bigots aren’t actually churchgoers themselves but we Christians get tarred with the brush.

    (5) To be honest the person who annoys me most is me but if I start ranting against myself I’ll be put away!

    Jon – take all the rest you need, man.


  35. artbizness says:

    Right! The Hoosiers. Black Kids. Pastiche of The Cure or what?!?!?

    There’s a fine line between imitation as flattery and plagiarism! And those bands have well and truly crossed it.

    The Hoosiers have ripped off a song that even The Cure won’t play anymore!!

  36. elyong says:

    Forgive and Forget is not the same is You Give and You Get.

  37. Little Me says:

    Am I allowed just to say:

    “Alex Ferguson or Drogba”


  38. And never mind which denomination is the ONLY right one. How are we so sure that Christianity is the ONLY right one? Jesus said, “No-one comes to the Father except by me.” (John 14:6). So if someone finds their way to God, then they did it through Jesus. Is every religion Christian? It upsets me when people say that they are right and everyone else is wrong! I expect I am wrong too!

  39. MMM says:



    I SUCK.




    (lightly hops down off soapbox and trots away)

  40. James says:

    “I am getting on my soapbox to tell you to get off yours.”

    Irony in all its forms. ;-)

  41. chris says:

    Not really captions for the cartoon – just things I’m ranting about right now…

    1. Met up with friends at the weekend who’s vicar suggested that she (i.e. the wife) might like to stay at home with their child as he was being disruptive. He (the husband) should still be at church though!

    2. Vicars who try to do everything themselves / run everything at their churches themselves and / or have a finger in everything themselves. i.e. a bit of a bottle neck and stunting the growth and development of “their” churches. (related to point 1!)

    3. Vicars who think the churches they are “priest in charge” of are actually their churches… it’s all about them and their thoughts.

    4. How can churches “compete” with sport on Sunday mornings for their youth. Should we even bother to try and make the Sunday mornings more attractive? Probably not worth it.

    Those are the burning ones that have come up from weekend conversations!

  42. Robb says:

    41.4 In west yorkshire it isn’t our youth. It is everyone with a penis Rugby and football rule Sunday morning. I thought we were moving away from a fixed “Sunday Morning” mentality though…

  43. David Ker says:

    Um, I forgot to put in a caption. How about:
    “If heaven is so exciting why are your sermons so dull?”

  44. Robb says:

    OK – just had another thought/rant…

    I keep being asked by the woman opposite me “is there any hope for christian unity?”

    Not whilst the liturgy stops at “Lord I am not worthy to receive you.”

    Until we can break bread together there is no hope for christian unity!!

  45. Pingback: If heaven is so exciting why are your sermons so dull? « Lingamish

  46. 1. Congregations who use their vicar/priest/pastor as their conduit to God
    2. vicars/priests/pastors who are happy to let them (and then complain about their ‘workload’)
    3. Christian e-mail chain letters that tell you you’ll only be blessed if you send it on to 10 other believers in the next five minutes and that you don’t believe in God if you don’t.

  47. dadube says:

    In no particular order….

    1. American politics. Why can’t Clinton and Obama just sort themselves out?
    2. People who say they’re going to do something and have no intention of doing it. I understand people get busy or life interupts sometimes, but why say yes if you’re never going to do what you promised?
    3. Men in black shoes with white socks – have you no shame?
    4. Christians who like to boast about their marathon prayer sessions with God – I feel guilty enough without the guilt trip.
    5. Kids who lie about their homework – do they really believe their original excuse is original?

  48. re 41.4 and 42
    I hope we are moving away from Sunday morning mentality!
    Our local rugby union team are keen to encourage links between the church and the club…in discussions for youth goups and sunday schools before the game.
    The church is where we, as believers, are; not the building.
    So I’ll add hiding behind the stone and stained glass to my rant!

  49. Chris F says:

    #44 – yes, a thousand times, yes! Sat through sermon recently where the guy made the gospel utterly tedious. I felt so cross; I know I’ve been boring too though. (I’d like to think the difference is I learnt from it!)

    And another thing:

    Wayside pulpits – aaaaaaaagh!!! They’re bad enough when they manage occasionally to be witty (hardly ever) but to use thees and thous and wouldst – double aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

    In fact why does anyone use the AV in public??? i suppose it’s ok in private with consenting adults – but why o why wrap up the bible in medieval language

    Ok catharsis over for now

  50. Kim says:

    Single Christian women in their 30’s and 40’s, huddled together in a corner at a social event, moaning about why ‘Christian men never ask them out!
    Christian men not asking Christian women out for a coffee, because it might lead to complications
    Christian men looking for a woman who looks like Penelope Cruz or Beyonce (FACE IT, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!)

  51. JF says:

    Believing that other people should live according to what the God you’ve worked out in your own head/heart looks like, irrespective of what they might be working out in theirs.

    Oh, and over-use of the word “Lord” during prayers.

  52. youthworkerpete says:

    I’ve read most of these and now feel a little depressed :p

    I don’t really have a rant. Mainly because the things that wind me up most are the things that I also do!

    Maybe a cartoon about the loneliness and incomplete feeling a postmodern chirstian gets without a chip on his shoulder?

  53. Amie says:

    My current rant would be on the topic of what I call ‘Hobby-horse-ism’ – ie. where particular people try and campaign for ‘their’ particular issue at every possible opportunity whether it’s relevant or not. For example, our church recently interview a man for the role of associate pastor. There was a general Q&A session for people to raise any particular questions they felt were relevant. Every single person who asked a question asked about something they are really interested in (e.g What’s your view on prayer? How do you feel about including children in the service? What style of worship are you in favour of?) and it was people blatantly trying to judge this man’s opinion and stance on ‘their issues’ whether it was relevant to anyone else or not. This also happens at church meetings and it ANNOYS ME!!!

    Here endeth the rant on “Hobbyhorse-ism”

  54. oneaustin says:

    I have several:
    1. You say I have radical ideas, but I’m just reading aloud from the Bible you gave me!

    2. Why are you teaching me to be “in the world, but not of the world” when my super-spiritual pastor talks about his favorite lost episodes and football at every sermon?

    3. Stop buying so many Bibles and read one that you already have!

    4. If we were really following Jesus, we wouldn’t worry about pollution or global warming because we wouldn’t be consuming excessive amounts of fuel, TVs, and junk.

    Feel free to polish up my words.
    God bless everyone, and be a blessing too.

  55. DrNick says:

    Hmmm well lets see;

    1) Churches/groups/individuals who ditch truth in favour of love and holiness in favour of grace, the ‘Corinthian problem’ so to speak

    2) Churches/groups/individuals who ditch love in favour of truth and grace in favour of holiness, the ‘pharisee problem’ so to speak

    3) The fact you can’t have a balance without being told you are too ‘liberal’ by the ‘conservatives’ and too ‘conservative’ by the ‘liberals’ (although thats a good place to be a lot of the time!)

    4) The constant ‘evangelical battering’ I see a lot of, especially the assumption that being an ‘evangelical’ means you are a hate-filled american follower of Tim LaHaye theology, who can’t think for themselves and doesn’t care about social justice issues! I’m none of the above and a proud, if sometimes embarrased, evangelical!

    5) Flag waving in worship!

  56. oneaustin says:

    one more…

    “Quit saying that God is on your side! If you are follower of Christ, then you should be saying, “I’m on God’s side”.”

  57. Ros says:

    Here’s my entry;

    “Brian hoped that by posing as a Speaker’s Corner Ranter, no one would take him to be the Messiah!”

    (Hope the Python team don’t mind!)

  58. David Ker says:

    #50 LOL, Chris. That “in private with consenting adults” had me snorting.

  59. Chris F says:

    Just one more thing – christians who just have to use the word just all the time, “O Lord, just bless us and just be here with us cos we just so need you” The word is meaningless! It adds NOTHING except fog and pseudo spiritual nonsense, it just pads out a sentence when you just can’t think of anything to say. Just say what you mean for goodness sake, so if just can’t stop doing it, please just be quiet!

    Just my opinion…

  60. Telling God what has happened in a PRAYER, as if he didn’t bloody know what’s going on.

    e.g “Oh Lord God its terrible! Aunt Betty fell down he stairs and hurt herself…………”

  61. kim says:

    Hi. this is ace fun! First a comment on item 54 – at a Q&A in our church to interview a great candidate, people asked him what he thought about Israel, aromatherapy and women/gay people in the church. AAARRGGH!!
    So my real rant is this: If Jesus, and all he did and stood for, is real and true – why aren’t we taking that seriously in a huge way that does away with all the rubbish round the periphery of church and gives us priorities that don’t include aromatherapy, right or wrong?? Thank you for the catharcism (is that the right word?) and I hope you have a great break. Kim

  62. John says:

    The Church talks about a Christ they don’t know, who they have few real dealings with. He is a historical figure, a prophet, a god but in a purely mental way. As we think a poodle is a dog, we think Jesus is God. If He turned up in our services we’d kick Him out as an agitator cos we don’t want a real God who turned out the money changers and loved sinners. We want a replica of ourselves. Jesus forgive us and make us real disciples, not fake, phony, shallow, narrow-minded idiots. Help us not to think we’re in your presence cos we’ve worked ourselves into a singing frenzy. We sing pornographically, we come into the meeting expecting to be stroked, music brings us to ejaculatory high, we leave as if it was all a sham and it is. We look at the back of each others’ heads and call it fellowship. The new babylonian captivity of the church is here, in our freedom we are bound!

  63. arjwdotcom says:

    Thoughts for the Comic

    – Title: Evangelism 2.0
    – Title: Soapbox Theology; Caption: What I say matters no matter how many people are listening at this very moment
    – Title: Surround Sound; Caption: Maybe if I stand on a box and just call it a soapbox then no one will know that there is only air around me
    – Title: Soapbox Truths; Caption: Because I stand on this soapbox, no one else is seen so I must be the only important voice in the room

    Enjoy your vacation, and thanks for the brainstorming.

  64. James says:

    “Being on my soapbox makes me feel taller than everyone else.”

  65. Ben says:

    I can see my house from here

  66. Ezra says:

    Caption – “Well its like this is Christianity nowadays, you just cant see the tree (Cross) for the woods (planks/trees/walls/barriers/camouflage)
    – AKA – denominations/traditions/theologies/rules/attitudes/behaviours/comfort zones/apathy/bigots/faithists………………”

    Title –

    Denominations et al – The manmade wrapping of God’s most precious gift.

  67. Caz says:

    This might just apply to me / my church… but when people suddenly begin to “rebuke Satan” in the middle of prayers (that were originally) to God?

    Always strikes me as a little strange……

  68. Helen says:

    Christopher 14# I think thats a post-post-modern.

  69. andy amoss says:

    Re No.64 – Bang on! Thank you. How did you get all that to be so concise? I’m going to pinch lines from that for a long while yet. Hopefully while i’m actually bothering to attempt to follow Christ, rather than just thinking about it, or believing it, or attending a church which helps me think about it or believe it.

    mercy beaucoup.

  70. Kayte says:

    Current bug bear: Being told that ‘youth church,’ is not legitimate because it does not demonstrate the unity of the body of Christ as it is too monocultural. By churches that are middle class middle aged and white. And unwilling to change to accomodate teenagers. No monoculturalism there, then.

  71. Old ladies in hats!

  72. Zac says:

    To Quote Tony Campola:
    “While you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of causes related to malnutrition and starvation. Most of you don’t give a $h!+. In fact, most of you are more offended that I just said ’$h!+’ than you are that 30,000 children died”

  73. Tokah says:

    People treat doctors as if they are the holy priests of the Science Religion. Your medical problem not diagnosable? Are you sure it exists? You need to do something because of a medical reason… do you have a holy writ to submit?

  74. Dave says:

    re no. 61 – so true – I hate people quoting scripture at God in prayer as if He didn’t inspire (note – not dictate!!) it!! dave :)

  75. Carole says:

    Skateparks. Churches seem very big on skateparks a being a ‘relevant’ way to ‘connect with the yoof’.The only ‘skaters’/skateboarders I know are middle class and/or Christian anyway. I’m waiting for the first Christian crackhouse – relevant AND meeting people at their most basic point of need!

  76. jonbirch says:

    hahaha! :-) i should let you know carole that me ‘n’ dave as trustee and chair respectively oversee a skateboard project… our brilliant leader and originator of said project may well have been the one to start people thinking this was a cool way for their yoof work to move forward. not necessarily true of course by any means.
    she has to my mind been amazingly visionary, hard working and pragmatic… working with a mix of kids, some of whom are very troubled. a bunch have discovered a faith and a small dent has been made on yoof crime.
    your comment really made me laugh though, because, funnily enough, i know exactly what you mean. :-)

    “…the first Christian crackhouse – relevant AND meeting people at their most basic point of need!” actually, i’m not so sure this is such a bad idea. perhaps not quite a heroin den, but volunteers giving a prescribed dose and a place of warmth and help and non-judgement sounds pretty good to me.

    i know i’m supposed to be on a break, but i couldn’t resist the interjection. :-)

    don’t forget everyone you can rant about what floats your boat too! :-)

  77. samwrites2 says:

    Back to your blog entry – the 4 cylinder thing.
    I know gas is high – especially across the pond in the U.K. – but if you want more power maybe you should have a V8.
    That’s a pun. Not sure you guys get the same commercials over there but there’s a series where someone goofs and then slaps their forehead and says “I should have had a V8″ in reference to a beverage made from vegetables. It tastes mostly like tomato soup and serves better as a mixer.

  78. kate says:

    ooh ranting about something positive, now there’s a real challenge …

  79. so?! says:

    love post 47 point 3! so annoying – and people now send me emails “I know you hate chain emails but thought this one would appeal” WTF.

    rant 2 – vicars who say we want congregation to lead things but jump in and censor /change stuff or give instructions so detailed they may as well of done it themselves then moan that people don’t want to help

  80. shelly says:

    Entry #64 FTW.

  81. Robb says:

    No 67 come on in your time is up….

    I think the problem is that faith and mental illness have been mixed with tragic results. This sort of thing is never reported as such though. Merely an implied “God killed a child”.

  82. thomas says:

    I will NOT let you take my church building and ruin it. (I can’t handle change!) Adding on won’t work either! (The sanctuary become the chapel? bah!) I grew up in this church, and it’s size is fine! (I don’t WANT new people here) Quit trying to turn us into a mega church! (Or I’ll leave and go join one that’s successful already and beat you to the punch!)

  83. gilz says:

    People who pee down the walls of the church loo and Don’t Clean Up After Themselves.
    You are not a child. You can bend and wipe it. OK, it’s only a mistake.

    But Clean The Damn Stuff Up Yourself.
    “I know who you are!”

  84. PatrikP says:

    Title: Recycling thoughts
    Caption: “Ask not what God can do for man’s creations…”

  85. No. 84 – Thanks for the invite, but I’ll watch from the sidelines as a spectator.

    I hear what you are saying, but I don’t think that is quite correct. I don’t think it is implied that “God killed a child.” I think anyone with half their sanity (which was lacking in these parents) knows to put the blame squarely at the feet of those parents, and others that have committed similar offenses.

    What I do think is implied is that religious fervor, no matter what the religion, when taken to extremes, is dangerous. It is, as you so rightly pointed out, most dangerous when mixed with mental illness.

  86. Clare says:

    Ok, this is my rant. I am fed up of Christians who talk about how committed they are to the ideas of ‘community’ and ‘relationship’ and ‘hospitality’ and bleat on about how we can change the world by modelling an alternative set of values…and then suddenly up sticks and leave their ‘community’ to move somewhere where they can have a better lifestyle/bigger house/smaller mortgage etc etc. Almost as bad are those who go on about the importance of community and sharing but only when it involves them sharing other peoples stuff and not their own! Stop talking about ‘intentional community’ unless you are prepared to get stuck in, for the long term, with all those around you, not just a select group of middle class chums.

  87. John says:

    re No.72, my post No.64 is so concise cos its been frustrating me for so long now. I’m a Bible college student and I see the nonsense all around me. In chapel, the highs followed by nastiness etc. Glad you understand

  88. John says:

    If uptight Christians are not questioning your salvation, you’re not doing discipleship properly

  89. jonbirch says:

    at what point in history did ‘disciple’ become a verb? i’ve never understood that. ‘to disciple’… where does that idea originate? sounds like bigger people telling smaller people what to do i reckon.

  90. John says:

    Good point, great site by the way, very challenging

  91. ron says:

    I purposely didn’t read any of the others (yet), so I could form my own blurb.

    “My little box it is cleaner than anywhere else. Why should I go over there and get dirty?!”

  92. ron says:

    That slash is an italicized I.

  93. drewman says:

    People who call out the same thing time and time again whilst someone else is talking! -“Thats Right” or “wow” or whatever – Aaaaaaaarrggghh.

    Oh and leaving the peanut butter in the fridge – it never spreads!

    Folk who forget that the only person who really understands what the Bible means is God. – and then bash everyone who dares to ask questions.

  94. Carole says:

    Jon, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be having a break so stop peeking! I will not, of course, be taking back my rant. But I would hate to lose friends over it, guys. I suppose the issue behind it is the fact that someone has an idea and everyone else has to do the same thing, irrespective of their own community needs. It’s like the situation near us – it is relatively middle class and leafy (though not without a few drink and drugs problems, but nothing major) but our local town is overflowing with problems, loads of alcololism, drugs, poverty, homeless, violent behaviour…hmmm, yeah,let’s just do a skatepark down the road. Don’t get me wrong, I would just put my hand in my pocket and chuck a tenner in for someone else to do it, so I am the worse than anyone.

    Re the other comment: the daughter of one of my husband’s work colleagues was held up in her own home last weekend by masked men. It’s highly likely that this was to fund a drug habit. The things I am discovering on a daily basis concerned with the local gangsters drugs and gun crime are making me feel quite scared. In my crazier moments I have often wondered about what it would be like if drug takers were licenced and could get controlled doses of their drugs on prescription from clinics instead of funding the extravagent lifestyles of drug barons. Would it reduce violent crime? It would probably just divert criminal activity into people trafficking and the sex ‘industry’.

  95. kate says:

    I’ve been really challenged by this idea of ranting about something positive .. I just couldn’t find as much energy for writing a lengthy spiel about what’s great, but found it VERY easy to launch into a lengthy tirade about what I find annoying.

    That makes me kinda sad, that I have get more passion from hating things than loving things.

    So, whilst I can’t manage a rant yet, I can manage a list. So here is my list of things that are good and lovely …
    1) getting personal snail mail, nothing better than reading a letter from someone. A rare treat.
    2) seeing old men cry, there’s something really special about the vulnerability.
    3) little old ladies at church, who faithfully pray and visit the sick and go totally un-noticed.
    4) spending time people watching and seeing little kids being unbelievably cute with their daddy’s and mummy’s.
    5) aubergines. they rock.
    6) good shoes. shoes that you can walk all day in and they don’t hurt your feet at all, but shoes that also look nice when you catch your reflection in a shop window.
    7) waking up in a room drenched in sunlight and feeling welcomed to the day.
    8) doing ANYTHING that inspires and ignites that secret part of me
    9) listening to the sea. and smelling it. and seeing it.
    10) looking through photos of fantastic memories and seeing that I have more than I think (fantastic memories, not photos!)

  96. kate says:

    I meant that smiley face to actually be no 8. But I kinda like it!

  97. Robb says:

    Mr Nightime

    I don’t think it is implied that “God killed a child.”

    I’ll put it a different way outside of this context. When a few muslims flew a couple of planes into the twin towers the pervading wisdom as gleaned by the general public was “Muslims kill people”. This plays out in front of me every day when on at least 4 occasions this is sited as “God doesn’t exist. If he does he just kills people.”

    The prevailing undertow within society is that “people killed people therefore God kills people.”

  98. jody says:

    ha ha, 8) is a smiley face with sunglasses, cool – I prefer it to #8 too.

  99. youthworkerpete says:

    Jon – ‘to disciple’ – I guess Jesus said to make disciples, so if anything maybe our use of the word has toned down what JEsus said.

    To ‘Make a disciple’ sounds far more invasive than simply ‘to disciple’ a person.

  100. jonbirch says:

    hey carole… i’m actually in complete agreement with you (not for the first time) and found your rant to be both justified and truthful. i laughed my head off! :-) i bet dave did too!
    you may be right re. the second point… but it may still be something we should do + tackle the sex slave industry. i read there is talk of this actually happening… using voluntary agencies as well as professional ones. could be worth a good look at.

    youthworkerpete. making disciples of people seems to have a totally different ring to it than discipling people. maybe it’s just my lack of trust in those who want to zealously oversee those beneath them… brings out the lefty in me. :-)

    big thanks to kate for her positive rant! nice one kate! :-)

    robb… “people killed people therefore God kills people.” this does seem to be a screwy logic employed to discredit god… most annoying. :-(

    nice ranting all… keep it up!

    :-) :-) :-)

  101. Dave says:

    Dave thinks Carole is pretty right re skate culture (there are some notable exceptions though – e.g. in the project we run – which has a small/reasonable % of working class young people) but that her point about the crack house (whilst provocative!) is very well made – the question is – how far will we follow the white rabbit down the hole! Shalom – dave ;)

  102. soniamain says:

    Clare I love your rant, made me laugh for ages. :)

  103. soniamain says:

    My latest rant is when friends persistently try to persuade you to go to their (proper) church because “I will love it, meet so many brilliant people, be able to have amazing meals with other wonderful people.” NO,NO,NO. Why do I want to meet more people, have more friends? I don’t have enough time to see my current long established friends- why would I want more- and WHY do people think they have the right to decide that their wonderful, together church is better than the small, ramshackled group I call church?

  104. Carole says:

    will love it, meet so many brilliant people, be able to have amazing meals with other wonderful people.
    Sonia, that actually sounded like what someone said to me years ago about the Round Table! What? Spend at least one night of every week with a bunch of smug, ‘successful’, nerdy businessmen and their equally smug wives, taking out the Santa float at Christmas to give a respectable front to their nights of decadence? No, ta. OK, ever so slightly over the top but you get the point.

    Sometimes I have felt the attraction of ‘social club church’ but only fleetingly.

  105. subo says:

    I’m waiting for the first Christian crackhouse – relevant AND meeting people at their most basic point of need! – I dig this one Carol, and am aware of a service for women sex workers round my way, were their is a chill out room equipped with goodies such as nail manicure and other pampering items, you can’t get crack there – but other useful stuff is given out (Tea, coffee, food, condoms)

    however my rant would have to be about those christians who preach from the front about how much they ‘know’ about our needs, everything from marriage guidance to support for adults abused in childhood, but it’s all hot air – they know nothing, they go quiet if you try to get them to understand your own experiences, and happily meddle in between couples they’re supposedly helping! these folks are lazy, don’t study, and yet want to claim the esteem of helping – pity those they try to help and are left feeling even more abandoned.

    I remember reading an article by Russ Parker, where he talked about churches missusing their power to pull vulnerable people under their wing – saying ‘your parents have been abusing you, come to us and leave them’, the person is then even more dependent on this power hungry church, who happily meddles where they can build a sense of their own ‘goodness’, but when their tired of the victim, cut them loose!

  106. Pastor M says:

    Wash with soap, or I will box your ears.

  107. Carole says:

    Su, what you said there struck a chord with me. Phil and I used to do marriage preparation courses for the church. Now I saw it really as an opportunity for couples to take a day out of their busy lives to concentrate on just talking to each other without the usual distractions. We provided a bit of stimulus material. It was OK but in the end we felt our weeks were busy enough without taking extra Saturdays out. Someone from another church tried to persuade us to join a team to organise marriage enrichment courses. The argument was, we’ve been blessed with good marriages (yeah, but we’ve really had to work at that) and people in our churches are going through difficulties and we can help them through that. Phil doesn’t say much but when he does, he’s usually worth listening to. We said we’d think about it. So while I was busy enjoying the afterglow of having my ego massaged, Phil said that firstly, we’re too busy living our own lives, which in this day and age require a bit of effort to keep on track. Secondly, if people are having marital difficulties and they can’t work through it, there are trained people who can help them. As rank amateurs, we could do more harm than good. He’s a great bloke who saves me from my worst excesses!

    I think in churches is is often the helpers who are the most ‘needy’.

  108. jonbirch says:

    ‘I think in churches is is often the helpers who are the most ‘needy’.’
    wow! what a concise statement. stunning.

    i so very much agree with you subo and carole.

    i really must stop interfering. i’m going away now and shall not come back here today. :-)

  109. flayedhypatia says:

    A list of statements I’ve heard that really bother me.

    1. “If the King James was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me!” (yes, I’ve heard that said with mine own two ears)

    2. Your father’s Alzheimers is still around because your family doesn’t have enough faith for him to be healed.

    3. I’m worried about your walk, especially since you’re in academia, which is so utterly hostile to the things of God.

    4. You’re finding the path difficult right now because it’s not God’s will for you.

    5. (said in same conversation, by same person, as #4) If it’s really of God, you’ll find the enemy throwing up obstacles to test your faith.

    6. You think too much. You need to just trust God.

    7. You can stand up and cheer for your favorite football team—does God deserve any less? (my comment: no, God deserves more, not cheering, but awe and respect!)

    8. Oh, those churches aren’t full gospel. (what, they’re partial gospel? What part do they have? What would a partial Gospel look like?)

    9. Jesus: they’ll know my disciples by their love. Church: they’ll know you are Christians by your statement of faith, and by how viciously you fight for it.

    10. This one’s a bit complicated: Daniel Dennett once argued that if faith and reason are totally distinct from each other, then he could argue that God is a ham sandwich wrapped in tin foil, and no person of faith (fideist) could refute him, since refuting requres reason. I think he’s right (ergo, faith and reason overlap). But I still see countless fideists trying to use reason to defend the total separation of faith and reason, including arguing about the nature of God.

    Just a list. Do with it as you will.

  110. Re flayedhypatia #4

    “you’re finding the walk difficult because God doesn’t like what you’re doing” :(

    “you’re finding the wall difficult because the devil doesn’t like what you’re doing” :)

  111. subo says:

    cheers for your reply Carol, I actually think as churches we are called to be a powerful source of God’s tangible love for each other. (as you have been on this blog.) the challenge in churches, is working out how we can make that love helpful, and how we can enable each other to see we are all priests in the Kingdom.

    this means looking carefully at some language that floats around – like ‘you need healing.’ true, we all need healing, but it can leave you chained in a spiritual crib to be told ‘you need healing, and only the special few understand your problems.’ actually those who have been through hard experiences are possibly really tough, and have more to offer than we want to let them – but celebrating our equality dosn’t give you quite the same smugness – if thats what your seeking.

  112. Chris F says:

    Carole I think you’re right about drug addiction and crime – it kinda feels against the grain, but I think we should decriminalise the users – it would indeed knock the bottom out of the market. Currently methadone programmes are the least useless thing we do; more licensed centres that can give heroin may be better, noy sure anyone knows really

    #112 even I, the most reserved Englishman, get loudly vocal at the failings and occasional triumphs of my football team (clue for UK guys, near top of championship, wear red). But I CAN’T do it in worship! I know King David made himself look ridciulous, but…
    … Lord, take all I am, my time, my money, my everything; but lay off my emotions cos I’m english, and they’re mine!

  113. flayedhypatia says:

    re: 115.

    And I, a rather emotional American, have no problem getting that way for God, but the emotions don’t involve those ususally dedicated to cheerleading activities.

    I guess I don’t see the analogy between sports and spirituality, at least as far as the spectator role goes. You cheer people on, it seems to me, because the encouragement aids them in their competetion. But, uh, does God need my aid?

    What is the purpose of shouting a giant ‘huzzah’ to God? To get us all hyped up for…what? We’re number one!!?? But this doesn’t seem conducive to ministry, rather competition. Who’s the competetion?

    Maybe I just don’t get it, but—well, I just don’t get it. (!)

  114. su says:

    for me, the freedom and celebration present at a top music gig, or a football match shows up the dualism inherent in our church culture, it’s become so much part of our experience of church we’re now uncomfortable with the idea of letting go of it.

    it’s not that the passion pouring forth in a stadium is ungodly, it’s the false niceness we are required to submit to, in order to look part of things in church.

  115. soniamain says:

    “the false niceness we are required to submit”- that is such a good description of how it can often be.

  116. another blog reader says:

    So many rants!!!!

    I dont have a rant, just a sad soul. As a single, relatively new Christian, I have just experienced my first Christian crush. Man, its hard. In the secular world you see someone you like, you go out – bam, job done. Now, you like someone, you have to pray over whether or not they are the right one, probably ask your mentor or the leadership for advice, you get on well, sit together at church, work on ministry together….all the signs are there but then you realise they might just be good christians so you back off, just in case you are making a fool of yourself, pray about it some more until either one or both of you back of completely because you have worked yourself into such a state or do what i did…..

    pray that God takes the feelings away (and mean it). I’ll be dammed if He didnt go an do it and now when I look at said crush – nothing!! And I think they could have been the ‘one’. Have I made a mistake in prayer or is God just great??

    rant type question – how on earth do single Christians get together?

  117. Sophie says:

    I have been lurking for a while, but I have a rant. The idea that there are two types of people in the world, christians and non, and that the former are nice and the latter are not really does my nut. Also, the idea that helping with people’s physical needs is ONLY useful because it can help with evangelism is crazy!

  118. subo says:

    hi another blog reader, all the best with the budding relationship – it sounds big.

    doing the christian thing is hard sometimes, though I feel God wants to relate to us, discuss stuff with us, and give us ideas to mull over, as he wants to engage with us, rather than drop stuff on us from a big height.

    Hi Sophie, yep me too – ‘ONLY useful because it can help with evangelism’ – yuk, it does happen though.

  119. Carole says:

    Dear ‘another blog reader’ my heart truly goes out to you. Is the recipient of your affections married or inappropriate for other reasons?(rhetorical question, I don’t want to know the answer) Because if they aren’t, why would you let meddling church people get in the way of a potentially beautiful relationship? That is awful!(in my ever so humble opinion). It also sounds like the quickest way to the extinction of the human race. Sorry abr, I am out of order as it is really none of my business (but I don’t think it is their’s either). I truly wish you the very best in securing the one for you. You must do as you see right. I guess you just hit a bit of a raw nerve.

    This churchy attitude really bugs me because of an experience my daughter had. She started university and went along to a popular student church in her university city. She went away on a church weekend and was most annoyed to find that the other church members were trying to brainwash her into thinking non-Christian boyfriends were inappropriate…er sorry, were looking at practical life applications of scripture. She was annoyed about this since her new boyfriend was, you guessed it, non-Christian. She had the good sense to kick that church into touch and found one which wasn’t so hot on laying down the law about personal relationships.

  120. TJ says:


    I am fed up with you, the “experts” that arrive at church to tell people what is wrong with their experience with God, instead of sharing yours…who feel the need to push your opinion of what God is thinking as truth…who tell people “the right way” to pray or talk to God…who act like you have all the answers, and there are no questions you can’t handle. You have no idea how many people you’ve alienated, how many you’ve messed up, how many you’ve misdirected…and how many you might have helped if you had just said “I really don’t know the answer….”…cuz really…you don’t know all the answers. There is just One that does. Him. Thank God…

  121. DrNick says:

    I just learnt the phrase today, but its something I’ve had a bee in my hair (I don’t wear a bonnett!) about for sometime:

    The tyranny of the OR in Church, i.e the sense that you can only be one thing or another not hold a tension eg;

    e.g.1) You can either trust God OR plan something…
    e.g.2) You can either do evangelism OR social justice
    e.g.3) You can either believe in God’s sovereignty OR in man’s freewill

    That annoys me soooo much, why can’t we find a balance, grrrr.

  122. Janelle says:

    Rant: Stop blaming religion for atrocities.Stalin was responsible for the death of millions and he was an atheist. Religion is not the cause, man does this to himself!

  123. Robb says:

    Women do this to herself…

  124. ben says:

    people do these things to themselves?(TNIV version) :P

  125. Laura says:

    we do it to ourselves. ;-)

  126. Janelle says:

    I did this to myself *corrects rant from 125* We do this to ourselves. :)

  127. Robb says:

    I can’t believe we’re doing this to each other!!

  128. Robb says:

    [Appologies for the terrible grammar of #126 – don’t ASBO after pub :lol: ]

  129. soniamain says:

    another blog reader, i echo what Carole says, also be sensible, don’t take daft risks- but enjoy yourself – how are you going to know if he is the right one or not if you don’t at least go out on a date with him!!.

    My rant on this is so often the church gets so hung up over relationships and sex- I’m not even going to start on that one- but why does the church make people feel so guilty and make it all so complicated?

  130. tom says:

    Overuse of the word ‘just’ in open prayer times. Anybody else loathe the following construction:

    ‘Yeah, Lord, we just want to thank you, we just want to praise you, we just want to ask that you just send your Spirit, Lord, just equip us for this work, just be with us, etc etc.’

    Why don’t you JUST shut up and stop limiting everything every time you pray another clause in your overly elaborate prayer?!

    Am I alone in this?

  131. dadube says:

    Sonia – I totally agree with you about the church and sex …. like with the Come Home installation and some people’s reactions to Joy of Sex and condoms by the bed – for heavens sake!

    Another rant, not church again – sorry. OK, so I’m a trained RE teacher and Head of RE has just come up in my school. But what really gets my goat is that so many people think they can just go for it and it’s easy. Like people who are History and English trained. You wouldn’t appoint a non specialist teacher as Head of Physics, so why do people think you can do it with RE??? Grrrr.

  132. Anna says:

    Hello! I want a rant too, here goes

    1. Family services. Last time – the guy in front nearly knocked me out while doing actions to one of the songs. I wonder if kids actually listen to that kindof music at home anyway? As a teenager, more rock would be appreciated. I know this is not possible because I know very well that some people in our church would have to leave because of it. Yeah – its happend before. But seriously, do kids really apreciate God if he’s ‘wikki wikki skill skill’? Would they get picked on for singing/saying that in class? Would we get picked on if our friends ever managed to unsuspectingly stumble through our church doors?

    ok number 2. (im enjoying this) Scary christians! mostly on the internet. But they are scary all the same. I dont understand why they try so hard to diss other religions – shouldnt they be spreading a message of love and hope? (lol, now I sound hypocritical cos im not being very lovley or hopeful, sorry.)

    3. People who think they know every thing. RAAAAHHH!!! nooo yooouuu dooonttt…I think. But I dont know cos Im not you and I cant prove that you even exist and the only thing we can be sure of in this whole planet is God and its just RARAAA!! phew. Explaining the unexplainable is pretty hard to someone who has no idea where your coming from. Its like your in the Matrix, not really noticing whats going on. But then you do and your like WOW… the world is really wierd! But then you get the people (I know of a few) who raise an eyebrow and call it your ‘creation relisation’. Well, thats what they say to me. grrr.
    Phew! well that was fun.
    bye then!

  133. Wiggy says:

    caption: do you want to go to hell or do you want to go up there to paradise with me?

    title: speakers corner

  134. Dave Wiggins says:

    Caption: The wind is blowing from a north easterly direction.

    Title: The Holy Weatherman

  135. Dave Wiggins says:

    Caption: I have never put this anywhere it shouldn’t have gone.

    Title: Little White Lies

  136. Dave Wiggins says:

    Caption: Please sir … i know!

    Title: The ‘keen’ theology student stands at the back of the class.

  137. Laura says:

    My rant is that Jon isn’t here and I’m ready for a new cartoon!!!

  138. swordfishBob says:

    “In the year 2001 the LORD showed me that he demands holiness. HE instructed me to wash my mouth out with soap, and I did so. I’ve now learned that this is God’s will for all mankind. You too can have a mouth like mine! Stop all your indecent talk! Wash your mouth with soap! God demands holiness! Come forward now and we will help you wash your mouth out, as God commands!”

  139. Chris F says:

    Tom #133 – i humbly just refer you to my rant #60. Just so you know you are not alone!

    #141 ha ha! Has anyone else had a look at the stuff that’s coming out of Florida currently? I feel like ranting but what do I know? – #135 part 3 Anna you’re right, it is mystery; I do think there’s stuff we can “know” and that’s comforting, but we have to remember we only know so much and there’s lots we don’t know and can’t know, so “God is in heaven and you are on earth so let your words be few” (Eccles.)

    I’d better stop before I make an even bigger ass of myself…

  140. drewman says:

    -141- I would swordfishbob, but I’m scared that i won’t use the right brand of theologically sound soap. Its a real worry – ‘What soap would Jesus use?’

    The rant therefore is folk who run their entire lives through the WWJD do filter. They seem to miss the ‘What Did Jesus Do’ – entirely! I’m sure what they really mean is ‘What can I get away with doing that I can blame doing on my interpretation of Jesus’. The problem is that ‘WCIGAWDTICBDOMIOJ’ is just to big for a wristband.

  141. drewman says:

    Whoops! – should read ‘too big for a wristband.’ I do not want to get into troble with the spelling and grammar police.

  142. Carole says:

    Dave Wiggins @137 – So presumably that would be Michael Fish?

    (For the benefit of non-UK visitors, the now retired BBC weatherman who famously got it wrong over the great storm of 1987)

  143. Carole says:

    And now for something completely different – a man with a tape recorder up his nose…

  144. Carole says:

    Thinking outside the soapbox…

  145. Carole says:

    How about when people are praying for others, claim to have had a ‘word of knowledge’ from God about the ‘prayee’. They proceed to give them the meaning of their name such as you would find in any name dictionary, and if the name is a biblical one, give a bit of scripture about the person in the bible and apply it to the ‘prayee’. Amazingly, they can tell you everything about the person using this method…I think I’ll start reading my horoscope on that basis…

  146. drewman says:

    Carole thats genius! I have not yet met that brand of spiritual discernment. I will be coughing to hide a giggle when i do – I hope i do I enjoy a good giggle!

  147. James says:

    What is relevant… the Lord Jesus Christ.
    What is irrelevant… the church that claims to follow the Lord Jesus Christ.

    The only biblical test of who is or who is not a Christian is a self test. Do you not know that Christ is in you, unless of course, you fail the test?

    The Church is literally the body of Christ. Believing doctrines is irrelevant. It is your state of being that makes you Christian.

    The greatest obstacle to Jesus today is the church.

  148. steve lancaster says:

    91 – fantastic! Thanks, John.

    Oh, and thanks Carole, too, ‘cos your posts are spot-on and make me laugh.

    Jon, just a thought re: where Asbo could go next, if you’re up for it… Reckon he could go proactive? He’s done the critique of church (and there’ll probably always be a place for it) – but I reckon he’s got a heck of a lot to say about how church is really happening on the street-corners and skate parks(!).

    Take it to the streets, man!

  149. Ezra says:

    150 – Just what I was trying to get accross in 69, thanks James!

  150. Pingback: The Nature of the Eucharist. « Muffinmn0302’s Weblog

  151. Here’s one for you.

    A friend of mine is always saying “Live a biblical life. Embrace a biblical marriage, etc. I get what he’s saying but the punchline is, Whose version of the Bible?

  152. Steve says:

    In the spirit of “What floats your boat”:
    Caption: “God is Love”
    Title: Some things are worth standing up for

  153. Steve says:

    Now that I’ve said something positive, can I have a rant? I know that God has forgiven me, but a lot of stuff I did hurt other people, and those other people are still hurting. And, frankly, I feel guilty about that. But I’m not supposed to feel guilty because Jesus has taken away our guilt and this must clearly be a trick of the Enemy, so now I’m feeling guilty about feeling guilty. And now I’m feeling guilty about feeling guilty about…
    [Rant stops as my head implodes]

  154. steve lancaster says:

    Steve (156),


    Steve (L)

  155. Gman says:

    Why is it that people view Christians all in the same Category?

    We have “Christian” everything – from video games, bookstores to other Jesus Junk …wonder when the madness will end!

  156. “Once she got up there and could see the faces of everyone she knew and loved down below, she realized that all the things she thought she had to say were ridiculous, sweeping generalizations. And so she kept her mouth shut, and climbed back down so she could spend more time learning from those people before she came to any definite conclusions.”

  157. AnneDroid says:

    Amy that’s lovely. If it were up to me that one would win. :) :)

  158. jonbirch says:

    very cool indeed amy. beautifully said. :-)

  159. James says:

    Ok I know I’m lagging a little behind but I just thought about this. I have visited a church where everyone is like paranoid about where they sit. They seem to sit in family or really close friends groups (which is fine)but I remember sitting down somewhere as I visited with some friends who attend the church and they were like “no, such and such sit here we sit over there” which was just crazy. its like primary school kids or something lol What about people who turn up for the first time and don’t know someone to sit with?? do they have to sit at the very back??? Surly it doesn’t really matter where you sit.

    I am used to sitting in relatively the same are at church (at the front on the right with the rest of the youth) but I wouldn’t mind that much if I got there one week and other people were sat there I would either mingle with them or find where others that I know were sat (depending on if I feel like socialising with people I don’t know that much or not – bad self confidence lol)

  160. Joe says:

    I’m way behind! But would still like a rant…!
    WHY OH WHY do people insist on preaching for 30-45 minutes????? Is that they love the sound of their own voice? Can they not articulate clearly in 5-10 minutes what they want to say? Are they just incompetent? Is it that they think they have all the answers? Somehow they are the discoverers of the REAL truth of what the Bible is saying!!! ARGHHH! Get to the point and shut up! AMEN!

  161. Pingback: If heaven is so exciting why are your sermons so dull? | lingamish

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