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About jonbirch

animator, illustrator, character designer, graphic designer. music producer/recording musician. co-owner of PROOST. proost.co.uk
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66 Responses to 468

  1. Longing for Holiday says:

    Well thank heavens I won’t be going wrong any time soon. At my age, I wear flats and the least revealing thing possible.

    Oops, did I see lipstick and red are off limits? Oh, well. For a minute there, I thought I was a godly woman.

  2. Longing for Holiday says:

    Jon: Curious. Where do you go to church (like I would have heard of it back here in the States, but you never know…)

  3. dadube says:


    fan-bloody-tastic :)

  4. soniamain says:

    that is priceless- how much of a ‘harlot’ must i be- having got married in red!!

  5. Catriona says:

    I didn’t realise you’d visited my church…. As minister I’ve been told off for revealing…. knees! Oh yes, and a bit of bare back between my teeshirt and jeans (on a Saturday, never on a Sunday)when I leaned over to reach something.

    I love red clothes, and have the long (if greying!) hair if not the lippy. Fanatstic!!! Now I know my fame has spread.

  6. Ian says:

    Did anyone else notice the post time?

    jonbirch @ 3:16 am

    I’m such a geek

  7. Jane says:

    This reminds me of the German Baptist i’ve encountered. I wonder what they would say if I argued that even a blind man could lust and even more, I wonder what their accounts of Eden would look like. *grabs burka*

  8. Joe says:

    God told me I’m gonna marry her ;-)

  9. coralfrog says:

    Does the heel thing count if you’re inder f5t tall??? I’ve never ever met a man shorter than me….

  10. AndyP says:

    Has she got a sister….?

  11. I actually think Girls look better fully clothed, and even though I am married does not stop me from getting attracted/distracted. I fully understand that the responsibility is mine. How does that work if you male and gay though? Should the vicar not wear a dress that is too short. Hey imagine that Vicar mini skirts! Hilarious.

    Any way I have incriminated myself enough for today. Heres to great looking women! meaning all women look GREAT.

  12. This is quite funny, but at the same time, even I as a woman find it distracting when someone walks into church with their face plastered in make up and when they pray I can see their thong (like, almost the whole thing) because of their tiny little top and low cut jeans.

    Not that we need to go as far as never wearing certain colours and thick tights, but there is an element where we can still look attractive AND fully clothed!!

  13. Robb says:

    We could have a similar cartoon for men. We are also frowned upon if we are not in keeping with the church’s preconceived ideas about what is accaptable to God.

    I remember at my first church (flippin heck, that is a decade ago – I must be old) I didn’t fit in because I didn’t wear an open collared checked shirt tucked into my blue jeans with belt and accompanied by brown shoes. It was acceptable to have a wife with two toddlers. These were the qualifications for “playing” guitar in church.

    Heaven forbid the pierced guy with long purple hair, tatoos, combats, para-boots, Les Paul and marshall stack should play. He isn’t qualified.

    Next you will be telling me that people who take acid shouldn’t play sax!!

  14. Robb says:

    Not that I’m bitter :lol:

  15. Caz says:

    “Heaven forbid the pierced guy with long purple hair, tatoos, combats, para-boots, Les Paul and marshall stack should play. He isn’t qualified.”

    Hey Robb, this is an actual perfect description of one of my good friends that used to play bass guitar for us at my church…. he ended up leaving because he felt he wasn’t accepted. And I can’t really blame him!

    It’s such a shame :(

  16. jaybrams says:

    i’m kinda turned on by the fact her arms come out of her ribs instead of her shoulders…

  17. Jon,
    Are you familiar at all with this site? http://landoverbaptist.org/

    It is sort of The Onion for religion……

  18. jonbirch says:

    yeh mr. nighttime. stumbled across it a couple of years ago. nicely done!

  19. Carole says:

    Yeah, but I’ve never really understood the fashion for builder’s arse cleavage…it was bad enough when only builder’s had it. ;)

  20. jonbirch says:

    me and my sister saw a road workers arse cleavage the other day that was a good 4 inches long… she almost crashed the van! hideous! :-) i must admit, i don’t see how the thong can be comfy… isn’t it a bit like wearing an egg slicer?

  21. Carole says:

    Jon – in my limited experience (well, I’ll try anything once – not visible, I hasten to add, but as an alternative to resorting to big knickers as a VPL avoidance strategy), er, where was I? Yeah, in my limited experience it’s a bit like dental floss, in one sense. If you are standing up, fine – but if you are considering bending from time to time it can chafe where you don’t need to be chafed…you really didn’t need to know that, did you? :)

  22. getbornmag says:

    I would ROFLOL except that this is sadly a very accurate portrayal of the attitudes in Christianity toward women’s bodies and sexuality

  23. Mak says:

    didn’t know I was logged in – that is my client’s account, this is me

  24. I think the comment about the blind man wins. The woman with whom David Blunkett had an affair was not unattractive to the seeing man, but I’m sure it wasn’t the fault of his right eye that he sinned.

    I think women have the right to be seductive, just that they should use their powers carefully. Us weak minded fools fall foul of their jedi tricks all too easily. Though there’s always some lady on whom either one has a crush, or she looks good no matter what she wears. There’s not a lot such women can do except to pray for the fortitude of the menfolk.

  25. Jonathan says:

    Does “even the tiniest of heals will threaten a small man” imply that height challenged men require healing?

  26. Robb says:

    Caz – I have a bass playing doppleganger?

    OK I admit it, I stopped dying my hair apart from the long holidays…. Damn this age and responsibility business!!

  27. émie says:

    obviously those who actually think like that haven’t relasied that often the woman isn’t doing it for others, but to feel more confident in herself.

  28. Clare says:

    Ha! Thanks for the comments everyone – had a good old giggle esp at the thong v dental floss description!!! On a more serious note I sympathise with brunettekoala on the visible thong issue – I have been distracted to the point of fascination by size 8 women who appear to be wearing size 16 thongs pulled up to their armpits combined with crop tops and hister jeans (although admittedly not usually in church). However on reflection I think maybe these instances serve to gently point out our prejudices to us and remind us that even thong displayers are loved by God…!!!!!

  29. Chris F says:

    Like Paul be a greek to the greeks etc. And I think the weaker brother/sister principle applies too

    eg don’t wear a FCUK Tshirt in church; and you won’t get far trying to dialogue with moslems if you don’t cover up – just the way it is

    But when you’re with a mature, strong minded, holy guy like me – please feel free to wear as little as you like!

  30. Mak says:

    I think the “weaker brother” argument is lazy theology at best

  31. darynawhite says:

    Lol what genius satire.

    Like any guy, Christian or not, would find a woman attractive if she didn’t grab his initial attention, which 9 out of 10 times is physical.

    I love how you pointed out the weakness of legalistic “appropriateness”

  32. jonbirch says:

    carole… you’ve only confirmed what i suspected… and i’m afraid the mental image was already there! :-)

    “But when you’re with a mature, strong minded, holy guy like me – please feel free to wear as little as you like!” hahahahaha! :-)

  33. jonbirch says:

    thanks darynawhite. :-)

  34. Pingback: What should women wear? « Just one step at a time

  35. Aubrey says:

    Darn… I wanted to be the first to comment that my dad refers to thongs as “leopard-print butt floss”

    Anyway to throw my 2 cents in, the reason I dress modestly is mostly because I respect myself, not because it “causes my brothers to stumble.”

  36. jonbirch says:

    ‘butt floss’, hmmm, nice. :-)

  37. becky says:

    12. I agree that such distractions are annoying – I don’t want to see some young thing displaying her wares in my face albeit on the bus or in church. But what I “try’ to do is to sit back and pray for her – I find that people who feel they have to plaster on make-up and wear very revealing clothes to get attention often tend to feel their only worth is their appearance.

    13. Rob – I’ve also been in church settings where I felt I was the only one who wasn’t a holy hipster and felt just as excluded because i wasn’t wearing the “socially acceptable” uniform.

  38. rebeccalorena says:

    What I’ve found very frustrating my whole life is how girls growing up in the church constantly get the “boys are distracted by what they see with their eyes, don’t cause your brother to stumble so dress like a good, modest Christian young woman” talk
    when I don’t think I’ve ever heard a group of guys get the “girls are really sensitive with their hearts, they are quick to get emotionally involved and their hearts break easier than yours do, so bear that in mind and don’t play with their hearts” talk
    we’ve got loads of young modest girls with shattered hearts around the church

  39. Robb says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of guys…

  40. Caz says:

    Thong = permanent wedgie!

  41. Robb says:

    Sounds great. I’m getting me one of them!!

  42. Jane says:

    #38 I agree, I feel that often the responsibility and lectures fall on girls. At a church I attend sometimes, the boys live carefree and get taken care of by their mothers until they get married and get taken care of by their wives, whom are of course afraid to wear pants in church.

  43. jonbirch says:

    rebeccalorena 38… good point. i agree like jane. it’s not fair is it!?
    that’s really why i did the cartoon… to send up the way the issue is often addressed. are girls the only ones required by their church to make changes over this issue? seems like that often is the way. :-(

  44. jody says:

    thanks for this cartoon jon, it’s an interesting follow up to the boob one :-)

  45. Forrest Scott Wood says:

    “Poor defenseless male” huh? Boy if that ain’t a sexist put-down I don’t know what is.
    Poor lower life form male is a pathetic weakling so we have to coddle him.

    As far as the makeup, it is my personal taste that if it looks like makeup, it’s too much because it is exactly that, made up and not real.

    Besides, it tastes disgusting when kissing where it is.

    “Red is the color of prostitution”, huh. Okay then, just what exactly does the red upholstry on the pews mean? And what do the red Crysanthemums and red ribbon and bows around the tree mean in the Christmas decorations?

    “Even the merest hint of cleavage . . .”, ohh give me a break. There’s this fuzzy turquiose turtleneck sweater that . . .

    “Men do not have breasts and that is why they stare at them”.
    Okay, then men should wear kilts because women stare at men’s crotches because they don’t have one of those and that leads those poor, weak, defensless women to stumble.

    Hypocracy reaching into the absurd.

  46. sarah says:

    Rebecca, 38, heart goes out to them..

    Sas x

  47. Kim says:

    Women get distracted by the physical as well.. one of our very fit worship leaders is cute,has got a big chest, broad shoulders and well defined muslces… and wears tight fitting tops!

  48. jonbirch says:

    forrest… you’re dead right. good rant! :-)

    ooooh kim… you’re so shallow! :-) :-) :-)

  49. becky says:

    47 – what’s even worse is when you get the sense the worship leader stuff his trousers. Nice eye candy but definitely a distraction. I find the hot holy worship leader more common in non-Episcopal settings – at least in the US, it seems when the priest (male and female) got ordained, they also got neutered (or spayed) in the process.

    A lot of what I wear to church is a matter of cultural respect – I do NOT like how I look in a long black travel skirt but i never travel to the Middle East without it – and even in some churches, it just doesn’t feel right for me to go in wearing shorts.

  50. Buzz says:

    lol. lol. some of you are really funny. #16 i’m still cracking up.

    isn’t it easier to point out what is wrong with someone else rather than looking at whats going on inside ourselves. whats really startling is that there are people who actually think like the cartoon – how often do we think like this ourselves? big challenge to my thinking – thanks bro.

  51. jonbirch says:

    yup, i’m afraid there are buzz… and you’re welcome. :-)

  52. Ros says:

    I wear low-cut tops and corsets to church – what does that make me? ;)

    (No one complains, though!)

  53. flayedhypatia says:

    Years ago, I went out with a friend for frozen yogurt. I was wearing (gasp!) a red blouse, which showed off (gasp again!) a bit of my neckline.

    A fellow at the yogurt shop “had a word of the Lord” for my friend and me, which basically entailed that there were no more people of the Lord left, though he was one, and that we were to give up everything we had to join his home fellowship. When I dared to question his claims, he told my friend that he “knew” I was too far sold to the devil to be reachable, especially since, when I entered the shop with her, he was unable to free his mind from the lascivious thoughts that entered when he looked upon me.

    I was, he said, clearly a whore from Babylon. Of course, it is, of course, totally irrelevant that 1) he and his wife were later convicted of murder for knowingly not medicating their severely diabetic son (who died) because such was a demonstration of a lack of faith, and 2) I am wearing a red T-shirt as I sit here typing this comment.

    Catholic Cardinals wear red. The pontiff wears red shoes (they were all the talk when he was in the US). Must all be a sign that they, too, are unabashedly whores from Babylon.

    …just like I was taught in my fundy childhood. Beware scarlet attire!

  54. jonbirch says:

    red is the colour of arsenal, the best footballing team on the planet. so red is cool! :-)

  55. Carole says:

    Red is probably my favourite colour. It probably started with a bit of indoctrination as my family are all big Liverpool FC fans. But, I particularly like deep cherry red. Before I started mucking about with my hair colour (when the gradual appearance of white bagan to scare me! Oh foolish human) I had, not black, but very dark brown hair and red looked fab on me, even if I do say so myself. It made me feel very confident. I tend to have drifted to monochrome now but wish I could wear colour more confidently. My mate Ali wears lots of bold colour and carries it off with great aplomb. It suits her big personality. This week I shall be bolder and wear more colour.

  56. jonbirch says:

    yay! go for it carole! :-)

  57. Robb says:

    Red is the colour of Boro…. and yet purple is better.

  58. Jen says:

    I went to see No Fit State Circus last night – it’s acrobatic trapezy type circus not clowns and sad animals – and it was absolutely brilliant. Lots of beautiful bodies on display – bare chests, cleavage, toned legs, red knickers – doing incredibly acrobatic feats. It was a great celebration of what the human body is capable of. It made me think that it’s so sad that so many Christians are so hung up about sex and can’t just appreciate the beauty of the human body for what it is.

    Men have been blaming women for leading them astray since the Garden of Eden. You can have lustful thoughts about a fully clothed body so covering up doesn’t deal with the real problem, which is that all of us are responsible for our own thoughts, fantasies and actions.

  59. jonbirch says:

    cheers jen. you are very, very right in every single way. :-)

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  61. Diane says:

    This reminded me of some hoo haah we had here in Malaysia about some Islamic group who said that our school uniforms as “too sexy”. What non-sense!

    Red happens to be one of my favourite colours.

  62. jonbirch says:

    red… it’s the colour of the devil!!! :-)

  63. Robb says:

    …and that swine missed a penalty and they still won!!

  64. Becstar77 says:

    #38 + #42. I’m one too…. still being mentally punished for it now. He’s an intern who teaches in our church, and guests speaks at others, I got totally pushed out and rejected by all church leadership, because I ‘led him to sin.’

    I have been told by my pastors wife that I shouldn’t lead worship in a white t-shirt, because the hint of my bra shows and it’s distracting to the men in church. She herself wears bright red lipstick, skirts above the knee, and shows 2-3in of cleavage. But she’s a married women, so the poor helpless men don’t lust over her!?

    Give me a break – I’m now married, albeit to a non-christian, and I’m still frowned at when I wear a skirt.

    Loving this cartoon Jon.

  65. Pingback: Daily How To 86 « Let the music move your body…

  66. Matt Wardman says:


    Thick tights and a short skirt can sometimes be soooo sexy.


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