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About jonbirch

animator, illustrator, character designer, graphic designer. music producer/recording musician. co-owner of PROOST. proost.co.uk
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56 Responses to 499

  1. Forrest says:

    Jelly Belly Theology?

  2. jonbirch says:

    indeed yes forrest. they certainly would make a tasty addition. :-)

  3. Robb says:

    imaculate confections?

    Chocolate eclaires!!

  4. Robb says:

    Oh, sorry, got carried away…

    What are angels??

  5. jonbirch says:

    haha! don’t know robb. maybe jf could tell us! :-)

  6. becky says:

    What no Sweedish Fish? You could also have “Justice Jawbreakers” – hard core social activists who are so committed to Justice, they kind of forgot that ultimately our savior is Jesus. :-)

  7. Forrest says:

    Robb, #3 is “carried away”?
    Covers eclairs and cream puffs both in my book!

    (Lord have mercy on a glutton I could get fat on those in a hurry :-D )

  8. soniamain says:

    I like the sound of devil drops- i’d think they would be sweet on the outside and hot and spicy on the inside! :)

  9. iaincotton says:

    where are the humbugs?

  10. AnneDroid says:

    For our Scottish readers, how about soor plooms?

  11. TyTe says:

    Or some evan-jellies?

  12. TyTe says:

    Have you tried those new cherry-bims? They’re quite heavenly…

  13. gilymh says:

    …like i don’t do this?….

  14. Robb says:

    Baptismal Bombs? WMD?

  15. marcus says:

    perhaps the next cartoon could be God as Divine Dentist repairing the damage done by over consumption of particular confections – or the effects on christians of over-indulgence of the various types of confectionery.

    I reckon those baptismal bombs would be refreshingly fizzy

  16. Robb says:

    Fullemersion with a bath bomb? Could be interesting.

    My best man claimed that they cracked the ice off the baptismal before he had the splash.

  17. Chris Sharp says:

    Remember boys and girls, NEVER take sweets from a stranger!!

  18. Chris Sharp says:

    When I was a child I could eat sweets all day long. These days if I eat 50 gramms of midget gems I start to feel ill, my teeth feel scuzzy and start to ache.

    Sweets are nice once in a while, but they have next to no nutritional value and the enjoyment they bring doesn’t last long, unless you have another one.

  19. janetp says:

    Hahahaha. :lol:

    I particularly like the ‘immaculate confections’ and the ‘raisin dead’ – because they’re great puns!:)

  20. Steve Lancaster says:

    Loved this!

    14. Robb: Baptismal Bombs=WMDs=… Weapons of Mass Drenching?

  21. Robb says:

    A packet of water baloons and a vat of holy water :lol:

  22. Pete Rehn says:

    Figs of the fear of The Lord?
    Or fiery figs of Judgement?

  23. JF says:

    Ahhh – This sums it ALL up!

    Robb (4) & Jon (5): Don’t get me started!

  24. Forrest says:

    Hey Chris in #18: “but they have next to no nutritional value ”

    And that’s a problem, how? ;-)

    Around our house there’s a saying “My tummy is in desperate need of something crunchy/gooey/colorful with no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever.
    And if it accidentally happens to be nutritionally worthwhile, well, I’ll live through it.”

    Now, however, if that applies to one’s Sermons, Sunday School class, or Bible Study, then it is a whole different ball game.

  25. janetp says:

    Don’t we all have a tendency to pick ‘n’ mix, in religion as well other aspects of life? I agree that it can be turned into a self-centred, ‘the-world-and-God-are-here-to-serve-me’ attitude, but is the difference not largely one of DEGREE rather than distinctly separate human qualities/approaches?

    At what point does an awareness of one’s own needs or the damaging weaknesses of a particular church community or theological standpoint stop being a healthy regard for something (oneself) that belongs to God and become a selfish, superficial process?

    Just a few random thoughts ….

  26. Graham C says:

    Consumerism has already damaged the church, possibly beyond repair in the USA, I hope it does not happen here. In a town I workked in over there we had 50 different denominations, never mind individual churches, for 60,000 people. I see it creeping in here too however with churches looking for their market niche instead of just seeking to worship and serve God.

  27. Carole says:

    Apostolic suck sessions? And here’s me thinking the church had cleaned its act up! Superb. You must have spent ages thinking these up. As a former pick ‘n’ mix girl in Woolies I heartily approve!

  28. jonbirch says:

    “sweet on the outside and hot and spicy on the inside!” sounds like you sonia, but the other way round! :-) btw. that’s a compliment! :-)

    actually they were the ones that quickly popped into my head carole. i wish i’d done ‘holy humbugs’ based on what iain suggested. :-)

  29. sonia says:

    some compliment!- “lily just said isn’t he a charmer”:)

  30. subo says:

    i was wondering why church leaves me feeling sick

  31. Ros says:

    Pick and Mix. All style, glitter and sugary stuff, but no real substance.

    A bit like the school in the movie, Saved! if you think about it!

  32. Lewis says:

    I could use some of those mini miracles.

  33. Chris F says:

    I’m late – bet all that’s left are the ones no-one wants – orange offerings and hard toffee hymnals

  34. Mimou says:

    Graham C @ 26 – So should we all just be catholic or what? Sorry, I don’t wholly get this consumerism thing..

    I just think that why there are maybe different kind of churches is because we the people are different, and different in our culture, so also different in our faith culture. Someone likes classical music, another heavy rock. Just visit all the countries in the world. Different cultures. And God created us all.. I just don’t believe in homogeneity and homogenisation.

    Other than that, when it comes to sweets I like my own little combo of little bit of everything ;) not too much any one sweet. Been always one for heterogeneity haha. Too much one flavour makes it boring. Although, must admit, Percy Pigs are quite nice..

  35. Forrest says:

    “Choose your favorites and consume”

    The “… and consume” is a point to note. Rates right in there with “Choose your herrings and react”.

    Better for one to
    “Find your calling, your gifts, your mission, then pro-act.”

  36. Forrest says:

    “Choose your Savior and Proclaim”?

  37. subo says:

    swing low, sweet chariot, coming forth to fizz you up.
    swing low, sweet chariot, coming forth to fill you up.
    if you get there before i do, – coming forth to fizz you up, – get me a monster chew ….

  38. becky says:

    34. I tend to identify church consumerism with a seeker sensitive model of church – church is there to feed ME, meet MY needs so I leave self-satisfied as I drive off in my Hummer (but I have a fish logo on my bumper so it’s OK). In this mindset, there’s no discussion of what it means to come together as the body of Christ to heal and save the world. Jon just eloquently reminds me using a sickly-sweet candy metaphor how such church may look appealing but it ends up giving me a massive tummy ache. Others read Jon’s work a bit differently – such is the beauty of his bits.

  39. JF says:

    Becky, I’ve seen Jon’s bits too! They’re great, aren’t they!?

  40. subo says:

    I feel as though the consumer church concept is a criticism of congregations.

    yet as a church member, it often feels like the leadership are trying to keep the candy circulating, with endless attempts to catch the latest pew filling fad.

    my levels of gimmick fatigue seem irrevocably extended, after patiently listening while the leadership try to get everyone on board with the latest fun zapping fizz.

    sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming, as my non church friends hook into fuzzy sensations through booze or yoga, and church programs look increasingly inane and irrelevant, occasionally i get to pray with some fellow believers, and enjoy sharing reality – occasionally

    we are told ‘life sucks’, i guess at times it’s grim, but try endlessly avoiding life – or rather try tuning in, and try a taste of relevance.

  41. janetp says:

    Hi Subo. “sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming”. That’s so sad.

    I hope you find a sense of community and ‘reality’ on ASBO, as I do. And maybe some warm, fuzzy sensations too – nothing wrong with that, in it’s place! :)

    I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s glad you’re here.

  42. subo says:

    your right, there is a sense of community here – thats why i read the blog so often.

  43. becky says:

    39. I think I better stop with the bits biz cause once again my mind is in the gutter.

    I like warm fuzzies as long as it’s genuine. Nothing is worse than being manipulated into a Jesus high – e.g., sugar rush of sorts.

  44. jonbirch says:

    “Nothing is worse than being manipulated into a Jesus high”
    mass murder’s worse… but i know what you mean! :-) :-) :-)

  45. korschtal says:

    ““Nothing is worse than being manipulated into a Jesus high”
    mass murder’s worse… but i know what you mean!”

    At least they don’t expect you to be grateful afterwards though.

    I remember being in a cuddly charismatic organisation and actually envying the non-believers outside- they may have been going to hell but they at least were enjoying life.

  46. Steve Lancaster says:

    34. Mimou, yes! Push that thought a little further…

    …Different cultures, and God created us all, and we now know that we’re each a little bit different from everyone else (and everything else) – it’s just a matter of degree.

    I’m 50% cauliflower and share more than an atom or two with a boiled sweet. I speak like Mum and Dad, but not quite like them – so am I a tribe of one with a language of one? Aren’t there 6 billion of us, at least? By my count that makes 6 billion churches of one, and rising (and doesn’t begin to address the whales, and bonobos, and dust mites and diamonds…).

    Now imagine that the kingdom of heaven is not in the top-down categorisation of doctrinal accountability, but the bottom up celebration of Christ in all things, and every second of every day brings a new permutation of church, a new expression of Love.

    I know it says in the Bible that Jesus is present when two or three gather… but I reckon the priest alone in the church building celebrating evensong though no-one is there is as much church as the megachurch disc(iple) jockey. Or back to consumerism, the one-man cornershop is as much a shop as Asda or Tesco.

    BTW – not at Greenbelt this year. But, Jon, is Asbo Jesus going to turn up?

  47. sophie says:

    It would be great to have a pint with the ASBO bunch at greenbelt if any of you are around!

  48. sarah says:

    Yes it bl**dy well is Steve L! (4th paragraph).

    And yes to the guy alone with God. Or girl.


  49. Mimou says:

    What’s Greenbelt?

  50. becky says:

    I am not making it to Greenbelt this year but whenever I am there, definitely into pints.

  51. Steve Lancaster says:

    Sarah (48),

    I know it bl**dy well is! And doesn’t it make you want to shout with joy?! But try telling it to the folks with the institutional mindset, even the emerging church types. I lose track of the number of times I am asked “But what do you do for fellowship?”.

    I smile and try to twinkle the twinkle in my eye a little more effervescently (haven’t yet resorted to alka seltzer eye drops, but it probably won’t be long) and say to them, “What do you think we’re doing right now?”…

    …And it’s all fellowship*, isn’t it? Every second of every day of every year – a 24/7 wild orchestration of prayer and Love.

    Amen, amen to guys and girls and god.

    *fellowship, flowship, flowership, flower-sip, fire-sip…

  52. Graham C says:

    Garry Trudeau in his Doonesbury cartoon summed up consumerism in the churches very well a few years back. The minister was meeting with a couple who wanted to find out more about the church. The husband asked what his basic approach was. The minister describes his approach and it doesn’t suit the husband but on the other hand they do offer racquetball, but as the wife point out “so do the unitarians, so let’s shop around some more!” It is an approach which stifles prophetic ministry.

  53. Robb says:

    How can we possibly be opposed to a church that doesn’t speak to ‘us’ and a church that tries to speak to ‘us’?

    Either way we’re screwed!!

  54. Robb says:

    Perhaph that would have worked better as and

  55. sarah says:

    Steve – yes.


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