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About jonbirch

animator, illustrator, character designer, graphic designer. music producer/recording musician. co-owner of PROOST. proost.co.uk
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21 Responses to 1005

  1. goodfield says:

    Bet you say that to all the girls! :-)

  2. tallandrew says:

    Love is not something that happens. Love is something you do.

  3. goodfield says:

    Then presumably he should say won’t rather than don’t?

  4. Tiggy says:

    We really should have different words for being in love with someone and loving someone. For some people the former is more important, for others the latter. It leads to misunderstandings if one person is only interested in falling in love in the romantic/sexual attraction sense and the other is more focused on loving the other person for their character.

  5. subo says:

    it’s one of those big big things in our culture,

    – and a bit weird that the concept of ‘love’ can give people permission to do so many crue things

  6. james says:

    romantic love is more about falling in love with self.

  7. janetp says:

    James: not sure whether I agree with your suggestion – will have to ponder it some more – but I’m definitely with Tiggy on the confusion thing! :)

  8. Tiggy says:

    Yes, often falling in love with the part of yourself that you’ve suppressed, which is why it changes. Also people sometimes fall in love with someone who comes to symbolise a part of themselves they have ambivalent feelings about and they may then turn on that person. It’s a strong form of projection. I think it takes a while to love someone for who they really are as you need to get to know them. That’s one type of love. Loving someone because t hey or their plight has touched your heart is another. I’m wary of people who say they love me when they don’t even know me, people who claim to love everyone. That’s just an idealistic (usually) theological stance. Feelings are all very well but we have to see what weight they carry against other conflicting feelings, otherwise the so-called ‘love’ doesn’t always come top.

  9. james says:

    Tiggy – that is exactly what i meant…
    in terms of the cartoon and falling out of love- I do think that is possible as well, maybe love isn’t the right word,
    maybe it is more about how partners change over time and become less compatable, their lives have led them into different walks of life, they hold different values etc. So people may use the word love and actually mean soemthing else…

  10. andyt says:

    How can you know what love is with out investing yourselve into it with time, energy, trust and forgiveness and with out this ‘love’ is no more than a feeling, sense craving we want when it should be something we choose to give one another, hmm so it needs two to truly experience love? maybe that why God wants needs us to love him…. hmm do I love chocolate yes but does chocolate love me nope… but God loves me (i think opps insecurity!!) do I love God there is the million dollar question do I truly love God he created me he miraclously heal me but do I love him I want to I try to but if i don’t love him what will happen to me will he smit me destroy me but then if i love him am i only ‘loving’ him because I fear the alternative !!

    I am luck because I am just begining to understand in a very small way what love truly is.
    I love my wife we have been married 18 years and she is more beautiful every day and every day I love her more if that is ever possible. We have been there for each other through the good and the bad (often it was me that caused the bad :-( ) and at times it was a close call to stay together, we have 3 kids and I see her in each one of them in a different ways and I love each one of them totally and unconditionally as I love her. We have both share going through illness that nearly killed us and on my part it was a miracle that kept me here and the feeling of having to face a day with out her would be my definition of hell. For me it is only now that I can honestly say I am only just appreciating what love is and until I meet with my God I don’t know if I will ever truly fully understand what it is. I was speaking to my son the other day about love and he asked me how muched I loved him the thing that come to mind was the day he was born and I said on the day your first child is born then you will begin to know just how much I love you but now know that I love you totally and unconditionally and alway will. So for me true love grows through the journey of sharing life with one another and loving one another no matter what, which for me means truly (trying as its not easy for me ) putting the other first and if we all do that are relationship is and can be the most beautiful thing in Gods creation.

  11. David Tribble says:

    One of the most influential moments in my life was a lecture by Dr. Wendy Greengross 35 years ago. She asked for synonyms for the word love. The group offered up the ‘usual suspects.’ she disagreed and said that for her the best synonym was commitment. I have thought about it often since. Before I proposed to my wife I asked myself, “am I prepared to commit my life to this person?” Giving myself a positive response, I proposed! During some of the more difficult parts of our lives I come back to the level of commitment and it carries me over.
    I am not convinced that aThesaurus would offer ‘commitment’ as an alternative to love but in my expereince it works

  12. Carole says:

    “It’s not you, it’s me.” Hahaha! I was half expecting that from the chap in the cartoon. How we rely on the tried and tested cliche when trying to negotiate the messy world of relationships, usually cliches we have learned from TV – like a phrase book with survival phrases in a different language!

    Tiggy was right about the language of love – the English lexicon is woefully deficient in terms to cover the range of meanings which we attribute to the word ‘love’.

    AndyT – thank you for that wonderfully frank and personal account of love. Much of what you say echoes my own experience. Indeed you sum it up beautifully. This year I celebrate 31 years with my husband. There have been occasions when we could have gone our separate ways, but every time we re-committed to the relationship, it has seemed that the bond is stronger. After 12 years of marriage, my father died after a short illness which coincided with my second pregnancy. It was through this difficult time that I realised that we were really in it for the long haul. It is through adversity that the bonds are tempered and strengthened. I cannot imagine life alone or with anyone else. It is quite scary – my dependence on him is such that I don’t know if I could survive without him. I feel like a conjoined twin or something…sounds odd but it is the only way I can think of to describe it.

  13. Sarah says:

    OMG this is so a propos!! I’m not looking for a life partner just a guy for some mutual fun but am finding that men are STILL gits.

    Sorry Jon I think you’re one of the evolved ones, I’m sure the other men that come on here are too, but you’re NOT the majority. 85% of men will abuse women at some point in their lives, and that sucks.

    However I still hold out hope because if I want it it will come to me (voice in my head saying it will).

    So I’m keeping on!

    Love all

    Sarah x

  14. goodfield says:

    Couldn’t help but think that i have known plenty of women (and yes maybe I was once one of them) who are gits, who abused men – it’s just the nature of that abuse takes different forms betwwen the sexes. It’s not always a one way street.

  15. Sarah says:

    goodfield, you are absolutely right. Some women do abuse men. But 85% of men- that’s a lot of men. We just don’t do it that often. Go figure.


  16. jonbirch says:

    andy t… nice one. thanks for that. :-)

    sarah… hope your hopes come up trumps for you. btw. i like that you think i’m probably ‘evolved’… i think i’m part ‘new’ man and part ‘cave’ man… i don’t think i’ve ever abused, just been guilty of taking for granted sometimes.

    david tribble… i think of love, certainly in the context of a life partner, as a decision and promise made. feelings change in such a fickle way. if you wake up one morning and don’t fancy your mrs that day but do fancy the girl down the road, what’s gonna stop you going off and cheating? a decision and a promise and, as you say, commitment.

  17. penninegilly says:

    the dissonance in those two statements……

  18. subo says:

    cheers for heart warming comments, cheers andyt

    yep, love is something you give

  19. Sarah says:

    Jon, thanks for your well wishes. I’ll add them to my list.

    Sas :smile:

  20. Daniel says:

    ‘Is my love really love?
    I think our love isn’t love
    unless it’s love to the end.’

    Clouds by As Cities Burn.

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